Bank of mam and Dad,do you have you?

Torry_Quine

No have never had money from parents and neither has my husband from his. I would be mortified to need to borrow from them.

Jagraf

Torry_Quine wrote: »

No have never had money from parents and neither has my husband from his. I would be mortified to need to borrow from them.

Sometimes though things happen in life where there is no other choice. My brother helped me out when my husband left me with debts and a baby. So I have to say 'mortified' was at the back of my mind at the time.

I would help anyone I could if it was needed.

marleyboy

Bank of mum and dad have always been in the red. We learned to go it alone.

Baby_Angel

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

I'm not trying to de-rail the thread, but I wonder if this is a familial cultural thing?

I know my grandparents were helped by my great grandparents, in turn they helped my parents (not sure about my in laws), but both my in laws and my parents have helped us and we are planning to help our kids.

xxx

This is how it works in our culture. But somehow me and OH seems to have totally missed out.

AnnieO1234

Baby_Angel wrote: »

This is how it works in our culture. But somehow me and OH seems to have totally missed out.

It's intriguing isn't it? Because some people are mortified at the thought of it; others feel that they must pay back any money; some just feel out right jealousy; and then others just see it as completely normal. Intriguing. xxx

Torry_Quine

Jagraf wrote: »

Sometimes though things happen in life where there is no other choice. My brother helped me out when my husband left me with debts and a baby. So I have to say 'mortified' was at the back of my mind at the time.

I would help anyone I could if it was needed.

In an extreme situation such as that my family would have given me money without question but never loaned it. Mind you I would still feel bad even if not my fault.

Most people though aren't talking about unexpected events but normal things such as housing and cars which I would never expect anyone to pay for me other than an emergency. It's the way I've been brought up

AnnieO1234

Torry_Quine wrote: »

In an extreme situation such as that my family would have given me money without question but never loaned it. Mind you I would still feel bad even if not my fault.

Most people though aren't talking about unexpected events but normal things such as housing and cars which I would never expect anyone to pay for me other than an emergency. It's the way I've been brought up

I don't think I've ever expected a car despite my parents buying me my first car. Even so I've only actually bought one car for myself. I usually end up with my dad's cast offs or indeed on one occasion many years ago, my gran paid for it. I never expected it at all. xxx

Jagraf

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

I don't think I've ever expected a car despite my parents buying me my first car. Even so I've only actually bought one car for myself. I usually end up with my dad's cast offs or indeed on one occasion many years ago, my gran paid for it. I never expected it at all. xxx

I can't wait to help my DD out when she learns to drive. Her grandparents (my parents) have been stashing away pound coins since she was born for her lessons. They couldn't afford to do it for me and it gives them, and her, loads of pleasure.

There is a fine line though between independence and just being given things. I like to think I offer the wings and they have to fly themselves. Everyone's fine line is different.

nearlyrich

My parents never had any money but were really happy to look after the children so I could work. I sorted my two out with some money a couple of years ago one for a deposit and towards a wedding and one for a car because I wanted to not because I felt I had to.
Other money has been lent and repaid from time to time. I have brought my children up to be independent and they both know I would help them in a crisis but they both understand how to avert a crisis and they know how to budget.

seven-day-weekend

Yes we have helped our son and will help him again . He may as well have it, when he needs it,we still have enough for us, and there's no pockets in a shroud.

(NB he has never borrowed anything from us. We gave him as a gift a deposit to buy his flat and will in the near future give him another lump sum to extend his lease. He pays the mortgage himself.)