Bank of mam and Dad,do you have you?

Tammykitty

My mum and dad paid my first terms rent on university accommodation.

They insured me on their car when I was learning to drive.

Give us some money towards our wedding.

Still regularly treat us to meals etc.

The most important thing for me is not the money they have given but the time and support they have always given. My parents have always been their for me, and have always cared about us. They may not have had much money to help out financially when I was growing up, but even now, they still help, helping me tidy when work is busy, lending me a car when mine is at mechanics picking me up when I can't get a taxi.
With the wedding although they were paying for some of it they didn't want to interfere in what we wanted.


When I see the parents other people have I am very grateful for mine, I have always known, me and and my brother are the most important things in their lives, and know they will always be there for me.


My In laws have the money to help out financially, and like my mum and dad, give us money for the wedding, but they wanted a say in the wedding, and wanted something extra, saying they would pay for it, not understanding that my parents wanted to pay the same as them, and therefore we were not letting them pay any extra.


They were concerned that our wedding wouldn't look fancy enough for their friends, the fact that the day was about their son marrying me, and it was our day, didn't seem to phase them.


My inlaws are lovely people, but they live in a different world to us, and don't understand that not everyone have access to the money they do.


They have been very generous with us, paying flights for us to visit them, and paying for everything when we do visit, generous gifts etc.


I wouldn't change my "poor" practical parents and their practical help for my "rich" in-laws with their financial help.

silvercar

greensalad wrote: »

But are they really dependent still? They're adults after all.

Not necessarily disagreeing with you (I'd have LOVED to have parents like you) but most parents I know don't seem to consider university something they should have anything to do with. I know I didn't, and was expected to go it alone, and one of the driving factors behind working so hard was realising I'd be homeless come graduation!

I consider students to be adults who are financially dependent.

The government also considers them the same way and requires that parents reveal their income to student finance if they want the student to receive anything remotely livable in terms of grants/ loans.

'Going it alone' can be the difference between being able to gain a degree and not. It seems fairly odd to support your offspring until they hit 18 and then shut off all financial support.

silvercar

My In laws have the money to help out financially, and like my mum and dad, give us money for the wedding, but they wanted a say in the wedding, and wanted something extra, saying they would pay for it, not understanding that my parents wanted to pay the same as them, and therefore we were not letting them pay any extra.

Always difficult when one set of parents are financially able and willing to provide more than the other set. Over the years we have learnt to smile and say thank you and not reveal to the other set. Difficult for a wedding, but possible to tell the other set that they are spending on what they want and you are letting them get on with it.

Tammykitty

silvercar wrote: »

Always difficult when one set of parents are financially able and willing to provide more than the other set. Over the years we have learnt to smile and say thank you and not reveal to the other set. Difficult for a wedding, but possible to tell the other set that they are spending on what they want and you are letting them get on with it.

We paid the extra bit ourselves and to be honest still resent it, as it wasn't something me or my husband really wanted, but it kept the peace.


I resent people thinking that just because they have money they can walk over peoples feelings.


My Mother in law has since died, so in the grand scheme of things, its minor and I am glad we didn't finish up arguing over the wedding too much!

Peccary

My parents have loaned me some money towards a house deposit for which I am grateful. I am in my late 30s and this is the first time I have had anything from them (nothing for uni, wedding, driving lessons etc.) They have only become comfortable financially in the last few years due to inheritance.

d70cw6

PasturesNew wrote: »

Nobody's ever given me a bean.

qq moar

Pollycat

d70cw6 wrote: »

qq moar

Nothing of relevance to add regarding the subect of the thread then?

anna_1977

I fell pregnant in 1994 when I was 17. My grandfather had left some inheritance for my dad and my parents bought my first house (£45k). Extremely grateful and have never ever taken it for granted, I wouldn't be in the house position I am in now if not for them.

Marvel1

No, I and don't want too either, I'm too independent when it comes to money.

I paid the house deposit and fees paid by myself and proud of it, it's not much (the house) but I did it on my own.

Driving lessons and the car myself also.

However I do get help in other ways e.g. I borrow their car if trouble with mine and vice versa, lifts home from night out as Taxi would cost £30 and I do the same, pick up a package from the royal mail sorting office, stayed in my house while having new radiators and boiler fitted - does help we live in the same street.

For my Sister, they babysit my niece and nephew - and pick up from school 3 days a week.

Mrs_Ryan

All 3 of us are regularly dependent on mum. My waste of space of a 'brother' is 45 and regularly demands mum pays his rent/bills/food despite him getting generous benefits and his (equal waste of space) of a wife working full time in a good job. Mum, like an idiot, always bows to his demands, often running round giving him food parcels and money. My sister bless her is really poorly and her husband is mentally unwell but they both work and do their best, mum sometimes pays vet bills for her dog and helped her out with a cooker when hers broke, she also buys uniform for my younger nephew and clothes for my older nephew who is in sixth form.
I used to be heavily dependent on her but not so much now- she's still generous but I don't really borrow off her like I used to. Last major thing she got us was a TV when our thirteen year old one caught fire a few years ago. I did get upset when I asked her to help me with a laptop for my uni work and she kept refusing, saying I had one (it was broken, she knew this) and yet instead she bought my brother a Ps4 at that time! I finally rang her in tears after I had dropped a mark boundary in an assignment because my laptop was so badly broken it had misformatted it and I lost marks. (I'm with the OU so no uni library and no local library I could use either) I was so distraught that she grudgingly agreed to buy me a new one- she had kept saying I hadn't had the last one five minutes (it was six years old, the keyboard was broken, it had no disc drive as it had blown, and then the screen finally went) I actually offered even to pay her back, she knew I was desperate but she preferred to buy my brother a PS4 that he promptly took to Cash Converters than to help me with something I badly needed. That really upset me.