Lying about money

Mupette

It's nice to see so many people that trust their partners and feel warm and cosy inside.

Not everyone is trusting.

I can see where OP is coming from, money is tight, husband tends to use the wrong account now and then, once is a mistake twice maybe another but when you struggle with money and husband is paying for golf days with the joint money is taking the pee, especially if he has his own account to spend as he pleases.

I'd be really cheesed off if say husband went on a golfing day and paid out of joint account, especially if it meant cutting back on food or not paying a bill so he could play golf - is that fair. Op has said he has a history.

OP - not a full on where is this money, but perhaps sit and talk about future bills, its that time of year when bills go up and you can discuss how much both should put into joint account to cover this and discuss the health of the account? Good luck

System

Andypandyboy wrote: »

Married 35 years and we have never had an argument about money. We trust each other and have never felt the need to account for every penny.

Your very fortunate.

Guest101

hidden_sacrifice wrote: »

My partner is lying about money. His mum said she would transfer some patrol money to us but did not say how much. Since she does not have our joint account details we thought it would be easier for her to transfer it to his account and then he could put it into our joint account. He said that she had given us £70 but it turns out she had given him £200. Now I only found out because his annual statement arrived in the post and he left it open on the kitchen counter. Should I confront him? His mum may well have offered him money to pay for something else but I'd rather he was honest. We put everything into our joint account and give ourselves a small allowance for personal spending. That's the only reason we still have a personal account.

She could easily have said oh I'll pay you back that £130 from before, or I've given an extra £130 for....


I'm not sure why his mother giving him money is any of your business, but if you have rules in place about such things then it may be worth mentioning.


If it's a gift to him though, then I don't see why you should be at all aggrieved.

burnoutbabe

But would most people not say "mum transferred me that £70 for petrol and oh gave me some extra for birthday/stuff she owed me for" etc.

If it was JUST to cover petrol we'd spent from joint account fair enough but it may be to cover the meals we'd taken her out for or a few visits of petrol costs? So without knowing why mum gave £200 rather than £70 it feels one is being "cheated" as its not been mentioned.

LannieDuck

I'm with the OP on this one. I wouldn't expect of any money my OH came into from his family, but it's odd that he was so quiet about it. My OH would comment on how kind it was of his mum, and might mention that he was thinking of using it to buy 'X' that he'd wanted for a while etc.

It sounds as if OP's OH has a slight dishonesty/forgetfulness wrt finances. It would make me nervous too.

d70cw6

rather than prying into your better half's affairs, couldn't you put all that effort into bettering your situation. investing in socks and suchlike.

peachyprice

Mupette wrote: »

I'd be really cheesed off if say husband went on a golfing day and paid out of joint account, especially if it meant cutting back on food or not paying a bill so he could play golf - is that fair. Op has said he has a history.

She said he paid it back into the joint account immediately so can't see why that would have meant going without food or not paying a bill. He obviously had the money otherwise he wouldn't have been able to pay it straight back.

peachyprice

LannieDuck wrote: »

I'm with the OP on this one. I wouldn't expect of any money my OH came into from his family, but it's odd that he was so quiet about it. My OH would comment on how kind it was of his mum, and might mention that he was thinking of using it to buy 'X' that he'd wanted for a while etc.

It sounds as if OP's OH has a slight dishonesty/forgetfulness wrt finances. It would make me nervous too.

I can understand exactly why he didn't mention it, OP expected it to be put into the joint account, I can't imagine she would be at all happy if he said he was going to use it to buy 'X'.

I wonder which came first though, OP's controlling or her OH's 'forgetfulness'. They both seem to have a problem with money at the root, she has a deep mistrust of him based on a few misdemeanours, he's using his 'forgetfulness' as a way of hitting out against her controlling every penny.

burnoutbabe

but if mum did give money to cover joint expenses they have incurred, then it should go back into the joint account. We have no idea what the mum's intentions are but seems likely she meant the money for both of them, to cover the costs they BOTH have spent.

Mupette

peachyprice wrote: »

She said he paid it back into the joint account immediately so can't see why that would have meant going without food or not paying a bill. He obviously had the money otherwise he wouldn't have been able to pay it straight back.

It was written as an example, OP never said they went without.

it doesn't need dissecting word for word or read between the lines.

I'd be really cheesed off if say husband went on a golfing day and paid out of joint account, especially if it meant cutting back on food or not paying a bill so he could play golf - is that fair. Op has said he has a history.