Lying about money

hidden_sacrifice

My partner is lying about money. His mum said she would transfer some patrol money to us but did not say how much. Since she does not have our joint account details we thought it would be easier for her to transfer it to his account and then he could put it into our joint account. He said that she had given us £70 but it turns out she had given him £200. Now I only found out because his annual statement arrived in the post and he left it open on the kitchen counter. Should I confront him? His mum may well have offered him money to pay for something else but I'd rather he was honest. We put everything into our joint account and give ourselves a small allowance for personal spending. That's the only reason we still have a personal account.

hidden_sacrifice

I should note that this isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened. He will often use our joint account to pay for things that should come out of his personal account (like golf days or a night out with the boys) and he will say he did it by mistake which a couple of times I have done myself but I always put it back straight away and it doesn't happen that often, whereas he will wait until I actually check the statement and confront him

System

If he left it open on the kitchen counter I would just ask him, without being too accusing.

pinkshoes

I wouldn't bother saying anything, but I would set up an Excel spreadsheet for the joint account, and each month go through the account, and add a category to each transaction e.g. Food, petrol, energy bills etc... If he has spent money from it that he shouldn't, then tell him to pay it back in!

I Think I would then wait until you were with his mum, then thank her for the £70 petrol money she gave you...

LilElvis

If these are your mutually agreed financial "rules" then speak to him, though it does sound as if he is a little more relaxed about it than you are. Perhaps he doesn't see it as that big of a deal if he makes the odd payment by mistake. I transfer money out of our joint account whenever I need extra to cover my credit card bill. I don't even tell my husband because he trusts me when it comes to spending without having to explain that I paid the holiday deposit/ had car insurance renewal/ bought an entire seasons worth of clothes for the sprog and so needed more money to cover it. If you are together on the financial front the majority of the time then I wouldn't make a big issue of it.

74jax

Have you thanked her already, could you maybe at thank you do much for the £70.

McKneff

As others have said, wait till mum is there and just say thanks for the petrol money, the £70
came in very handy,

Nasty that,....lying

Homeownertobe

Why do you think you deserve some of his mum's money?

FBaby

I wouldn't involve his mum. Why should she be left to feel that her giving this money caused trouble within your relationship? She gave it to both, so I'm sure that's the last thing she wants.

If you are going to confront him, I hope it doesn't come back to hit you in the face....maybe the £130 he is saving is going towards a week-end away, a birthday present, a ring....

Personally I would hate being in this situation where I would have to account for any penny and be confronted regularly by my partner having to explain where £100 or less has gone. I'm wondering whether the issue is that this is how he feels. However, if it does, he should be discussing it with you rather than lying.

peachyprice

McKneff wrote: »

As others have said, wait till mum is there and just say thanks for the petrol money, the £70
came in very handy,

Nasty that,....lying

Is it lying though?

His mum gave him £70 for petrol which presumably was transferred into the joint account as is should have been.

Perhaps the gave him the extra £130 for himself, to pay for a golf day or a lads night out without getting into trouble for using the wrong account. In which case what does that have to do with OP, can his mother not gift him money for himself without him having to 'declare' it? I certainly don't feel the need to tell my OH if my mum buys me a dress or gives me money for a pair of shoes I've said I like, which she frequently does.

peachyprice

hidden_sacrifice wrote: »

I should note that this isn't the first time this kind of thing has happened. He will often use our joint account to pay for things that should come out of his personal account (like golf days or a night out with the boys) and he will say he did it by mistake which a couple of times I have done myself but I always put it back straight away and it doesn't happen that often, whereas he will wait until I actually check the statement and confront him

Well if it was a mistake how would he know he's done it until the statement comes?

I have two identical debit cards, both the same PIN, usually in the correct order in my purse, it's not unknown for me to take the wrong one out by mistake especially if they get mixed up, use it, and not notice until I look at my account online.

You seem to have a very unhealthy mistrust of your OP when it comes to money, has he been reckless with your joint money in the past (apart from using the wrong card for golf days/nights out)?