Trying To Concieve

Rosie_Bud

Hi Annie,

Ooh thats a bit of a toughie! I think I would be inclined to mention it now, she has already said she is ok with her not being able to conceive so it would at least get her used to the idea. I totally understand where you are coming from regarding not wanting your announcement to be an apology - it is something to celebrate and you don't want to feel bad for telling people what will be the best news ever! Also if she knows you are trying and having a bit of trouble will mean that she doesn't think you are one of the "look at your husband/boyf and fall pg" brigade!

I must admit I am in a bit of a similar quandry - a friend of mine was having trouble ttc and for personal reasons has put that on hold for the time being. I was already dreading telling her if I did have the luck of falling before her - she had been trying for a number of years. Now I feel even worse for when I do fall because I know she is not trying at the moment. I am also considering telling her now that we are trying so that she is forewarned, also maybe she may have some advice for me? My last line from the previous paragraph is what is pushing me towards telling her aswell! Obviously I could tell her if I fall that I was trying for ages but then she might think I am saying it to make her feel better? Goodness me its a hard one!

Let me know what you decide cos it may aid what I do too!

Rosie Bud xx

jiblets1

With regards to sharing ttcing with friends who may be sensitive to it, I think I would. This providing, as morgan said, that you are close to this person anyway. Someone else who has been ttc is in the same boat as you, and I always think the reason to not tell them is that they may not understand and end up pestering you about it and expecting results within a month or two.

The friend who can't have children I'm sure would be understanding about any long wait you may or may not encounter, and I'm sure would appreciate a bit of forewarning that the news may be coming.

So my vote is for telling them.

skintchick

I say tell them. My friend has polycystic ovaries, multiple sclerosis, and is overweight. She and her hubby have been TTC for years and she has had a couple of miscarriages.

Yesterday I went to see her to help the move house (no lifting for me though!) and told her I am nearly seven weeks PG. I thought it was best she knew. I didn;t expect her to be happy for me bearing in mind her circumstances.

She said 'I'm thrilled for you' then told me she miscarried her baby last week, at six weeks. We would have been at exactly the same stage.

I'm glad she knows. I told her quietly then left it and she asked a few questions as the day went on. I won;t go on about being PG to her, and now she has time to get used to the idea.

I think it is best to be sensitively honest with people if you are TTC.

HTH

AnnieM_3

Thank you so much (from my OH too) for the really helpful replies!

Rosie - I will let you know how it goes if/when we tell them (I think we maybe should).

Skintchick - I can't imagine how that must have felt for both you and your friend. I hope she has some luck and a lot of baby dust/glue very soon.

---

OV stick is still showing a faint line, but I realised this still means it's negative, so my initial overjoyed reaction may have been rather premature. I'm hoping something shows up soon!

morganb

I guess everyone reacts in different ways.
I remember when I was TTC with DS2 that my best friend at the time, who also had DS1 aged same as mine and was TTC at same time, couldnt' cope with the fact that I fell pregnant before her. She totally excluded me from her life for six months, we'd previously been away on holiday together and were on the phone/email several times a day.

This isn't because we had been TTC for a long time, she was VERY competitive and would even have to buy the same toys for her DS1 that I had for mine (on too many an occasion for this to be a coincidence!!)

I remember trying to be sensitive to how she felt, after all, if she had fallen pregnant before me I would have been delighted for her but a bit miffed I supposed.

However, since DS2 arrived nearly four years ago I found I didn't want to spend time with someone who had tried to ignore his existence, does that make sense? We don't see each other anymore, which in some ways is sad but I find it hard to understand how anyone could almost resent the arrival of a baby?? Having said that, I had been on the whole very lucky with the TTC of both DS1 and 2, so am not even beginning to try to understand how difficult it must be for someone if it's not easy and straightforward (but, as I said, this was a COMPETITION in her mind)

skintchick

AnnieM wrote: »

Skintchick - I can't imagine how that must have felt for both you and your friend. I hope she has some luck and a lot of baby dust/glue very soon.

I felt guilty because we have only been trying three months, she felt sad. And I feel sad for her. I have a friend at work whose baby was severely malformed and at 20 weeks they had to make the decision to terminate. I prayed then that if only one of us could have a baby this time round, that it would be them - now we are both PG! :j I can only pray the same for my other friend. I've advised her to take folic acid, and hope it will help stop her miscarriages as she's never taken it before (no idea why). Thing is, this baby lark is all a matter of chance and luck; we cannot make it happen, sadly.

AnnieM_3

That is pretty low, to treat it like a competition and then just totally ignore you!

I really hope my friend doesn't react badly. I am very worried she will just avoid me - the rest of our little group of friends are either single with no kids or are also DINKs, so I may end up feeling like I'm an outcast anyway.

I feel like a reverse version of Bridget Jones - she had a table full of smug marrieds trying to get her to join the parent brigade, pitying her for not having a bf or kids - I have the exact opposite problem!

morganb

AnnieM wrote: »

I really hope my friend doesn't react badly. I am very worried she will just avoid me - the rest of our little group of friends are either single with no kids or are also DINKs, so I may end up feeling like I'm an outcast anyway/quote]
Oh no, that isn't what I meant at all, I am sure your friend won't be like that at all, I hope I haven't worried you, if I have then I am very sorry

Rosie_Bud

AnnieM wrote: »

Rosie - I will let you know how it goes if/when we tell them (I think we maybe should).

I had a chat with my DH and we have decided that I should tell my friend too, so gonna try and pluck up the courage to do it tomorrow.

Fingers crossed for us both but I think true friends will be geniunely pleased. I think its really sad how morganb's friend reacted and acted and can only hope that we won't be in the same boat.

For what its worth I think we are doing the right thing in telling them.

Good luck Annie (or should that be Bridget)! Oh and I meant to say - what is a DINK? I have looked for what it means but cannot find it. And I thought I was doing so well with all the acronyms, lol! (And I have read both threads all the way through!)

Rosie Bud xx

morganb

Rosie_Bud wrote: »

I think its really sad how morganb's friend reacted and acted and can only hope that we won't be in the same boat.

Thanks Rosie Bud; I think luckily she was one of a kind ...