Marriage Crisis

missbiggles1

DomRavioli wrote: »

She physically assualted him (punching) and then threw water over him. She has been emotionally abusive.

So no, it isn't an over-reaction - if it were a woman who had experienced it from a male partner would your "guidance" be the same? There is a one year old child in the middle of all this - massive safeguarding issues with a violent and abusive mother. The only thing to do is get the child and himself as far away from this person as possible.

And no, mental health issues are not an excuse for violence. Having had MH issues for 23 years, I've never hit another person (and mine is classed as severe). If I can hold my tish together, then so can she.

At this stage, yes.

I certainly don't think that there are "massive safeguarding issues" for the baby and neither would Social Services.

Guest101

Domayne wrote: »

Nowhere in his post did I read that his wife was abusive or a threat to their daughter, I agree calling the police, getting a non molestation order and leaving her alone to 'sort out her issues' are a bit drastic.

I think she sounds like she might have some kind of post natal depression, Maybe try and persuade her to see her Dr and another attempt at couples counseling while she is in her 'calm' period? Also talk to her openly about how you feel too, Like you have done on here

The wife is traumatised by the birth, and taking it out on the husband.


Once he is gone, the child will (or is likely to) become the reason for the trauma.


I'm sorry but I cant help feel that gender is playing too much of a role in your response.

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

At this stage, yes.

I certainly don't think that there are "massive safeguarding issues" for the baby and neither would Social Services.

I disagree, but regardless Social Services do not have to be involved??

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I haven't read any suggestion that the baby is at risk or that her striking him was more than a one off event.

It happened twice? That's clearly not a ONE off

bugslet

Andy, all I can say is that maybe have a word with your/her GP. It sounds as if it all boils down to the birth. I can assure you I'd have been out of the door if I'd been present at the birth - a medical situation is stressful and it sounds as if you did what you could at the time.

Domayne

Guest101 wrote: »

The wife is traumatised by the birth, and taking it out on the husband.


Once he is gone, the child will (or is likely to) become the reason for the trauma.


I'm sorry but I cant help feel that gender is playing too much of a role in your response.

That's not always the case though and I do believe it's an over reaction, Nowhere does it say any hint that she has bad feelings toward her daughter AT ALL. I'm really not a violent person in any way and I've never been in a fight in my life, But there have been times where my bf has pushed my buttons so hard and I have punched or slapped him as well (NOT saying it's ok in any way!!) but it doesn't mean I would ever turn the violence on anyone else and I definitely wouldn't ever hurt a baby!

tomtontom

Ames wrote: »

It sounds like she could have post traumatic stress disorder from the birth and needs help with it.

But regardless of the reasons for it she's abusing you, and you need to consider your safety and most importantly that of your daughter.

PTSD/ PND stood out to me as I was reading the OP, especially as there is a cyclical nature to her extreme moods.

There's no excuse for violence (at any level), but if she is suffering from mental illness she needs specialist help, not relationship counselling. OP your GP should be your next port of call.

Guest101

Domayne wrote: »

That's not always the case though and I do believe it's an over reaction, Nowhere does it say any hint that she has bad feelings toward her daughter AT ALL. I'm really not a violent person in any way and I've never been in a fight in my life, But there have been times where my bf has pushed my buttons so hard and I have punched or slapped him as well (NOT saying it's ok in any way!!) but it doesn't mean I would ever turn the violence on anyone else and I definitely wouldn't ever hurt a baby!

No it's not.


But any parent who would leave their one year old child with someone who's abusive and violent must be mad!


2 Points on your response:
1: you are violent, clearly. You have been in a fight, just a 1 sided fight. As you were not struck back
2: A 1 year old can 'push' so many buttons just by being a 1 year old. Do you have children?

Ames

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I haven't read any suggestion that the baby is at risk or that her striking him was more than a one off event.

One punch is too many.

But this thread is too close to home so I'm stepping away from it.

peachyprice

Domayne wrote: »

That's not always the case though and I do believe it's an over reaction, Nowhere does it say any hint that she has bad feelings toward her daughter AT ALL. I'm really not a violent person in any way and I've never been in a fight in my life, But there have been times where my bf has pushed my buttons so hard and I have punched or slapped him as well (NOT saying it's ok in any way!!) but it doesn't mean I would ever turn the violence on anyone else and I definitely wouldn't ever hurt a baby!

I think you've missed the point Guest was making.

She had a very traumatic birth, she's taking it out on her husband, if he leaves the next person she may take it out on is the child, and not only will the difficult birth be blamed on the child so will her husband leaving. Not all mothers are rational beings who would not harm a baby.

OP It certainly does sound like her behaviour goes far beyond usual PND, if you do want to stick around to make this work you need to help her find the right help, the suggestion of trying to talk to her whilst in a 'good' phase is excellent.