large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

seven-day-weekend

FBaby wrote: »

You'd think so, but it's amazing how people throw the accusation of being tight into it when you suggest it, if not directly to your face, in other ways.

Saying that, it goes both ways. If we go out with OH's parents or mine (they are both as bad as each other), we always end up with the battle of who pays. If we go with the kids, we don't think it is right they should pay for everyone or even split, we either want to pay our share or invite them, but each time it is the same issue, they want to pay for everyone. It is so awkward when you have a lovely meal and you really don't want to argue. It got to the point when the second deserts are ordered, one person is already up to go and pay the bill before the other has the chance to get there first. OH and his dad once had a battle of cards in front of the guy who just didn't know which one to take and that went on for about 5 mns!

I know they do it because they want to, but each time it ends with 'ok, next time we pay', it's all forgotten next time and the battle starts again! It's actually more stressful then going out for a meal with people who want to split the bill when you are the one losing out!

When I go out with my mum, and another couple of family members, we take it in turns to pay all the bill. My husband and I pay for everyone one month, the family member and his wife the next month, and my mum the third month. If our son and his girlfriend come, we make sure that we (or they) pay for them because they can't afford top pay for everyone.

FBaby

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I think that those who choose to eat only half the meal shouldn't be so stingy - it's bad enough sitting there po faced with an empty plate while others are enjoying themselves.

That made me laugh! If I don't eat as much as others is just because I can't! Honestly, if I eat a three course meal, especially Indian which is a regular choice, then I will end up sick. OH and I are not big eaters compared to the average person. We are very sporty and look after ourselves. Personally, I do find watching those indulging in massive plates of greasy starters and fattening desserts quite off putting, but I appreciate we are all different. I happen to genuinely only like drinking water with a meal and OH is happy with just one beer, so I really don't see why we should make ourselves sick and force ourselves to drink (and then have to order a taxi to get home) just so we keep up with our more indulgent friends!

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

We didn't just get up when the bill came though, we said we had to go and pick DD up and therefore put the money in front of BB and we said our normal goodbyes. As said, he then spoke to a few of them about it, and it hasn't been an issue since.

But that isn't what you originally posted:

FBaby wrote: »

After one particular time when the difference end up being almost £20 a head, he just put on the table what our meal cost and we left before the bill came. After that he talked to a few of them and explained that he had enough of always subsidising for the others, and since then, they accept -if not agree- that we only pay for our food. Another of the party who also doesn't drink and eat much has joined in. I think the rest split the bill but that seems fine as they do tend to eat/drink about the same. It is so much more enjoyable going out with them now without that needless stress and resentment.

Nothing about an explanation.

Although some people may think you've changed your story, I'm sure you'll agree that it is quite easy not to give the whole story in your first post.

missbiggles1

FBaby wrote: »

That made me laugh! If I don't eat as much as others is just because I can't! Honestly, if I eat a three course meal, especially Indian which is a regular choice, then I will end up sick. OH and I are not big eaters compared to the average person. We are very sporty and look after ourselves. Personally, I do find watching those indulging in massive plates of greasy starters and fattening desserts quite off putting, but I appreciate we are all different. I happen to genuinely only like drinking water with a meal and OH is happy with just one beer, so I really don't see why we should make ourselves sick and force ourselves to drink (and then have to order a taxi to get home) just so we keep up with our more indulgent friends!

Most restaurants have quite healthy starters and usually at least one fruit based pudding, so it doesn't have to be as bad as your description usually.

Obviously my idea of "going out for dinner" is different from many on here - I can't really see how you can spend several hours in a restaurant eating only one dish and a having glass of water but I suppose we're all different.

Just as a matter of interest (and not getting at you) when you have people round for a meal, is that all you offer them (one dish and a glass of water, I mean) and how do you manage when friends invite you round?

DCFC79

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

my take on it is each individual/family group pays for their own, everytime i've gone out with friends this is what we do, you pay for your own (i find otherwise those who eat/drink less end up subsidizing everyone else), and everyone chips in a quid or two for the tip

Just do this, I try and make a note of the value of what Ive ordered and we all pay separately.

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

M

Obviously my idea of "going out for dinner" is different from many on here - I can't really see how you can spend several hours in a restaurant eating only one dish and a having glass of water but I suppose we're all different.

I talk to the people I'm with. I don't need a fork in my hand or a mouthful of food at all times to be able to do that!

I'm really glad my friends and family don't think like you, I had a really lean period while I was retraining and my social life would have been even more restricted than it was if they had shared your views on eating out.

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

Do I get the feeling somebody has been ordering indulgently for years and expecting others to pay up? :rotfl:

Sorry Miss B but that was my first thought too

I don't think food is so much the issue as drinks though - most mains tend to be similar in price but the difference between a soft drink or two and a couple of bottle wine is far wider. I rarely drink and I'm fussy about what I do drink so if I'm going to have a drink with a meal it needs to be a decent wine which often means I'll have sparkling water because the wine choice is between dire or stupidly overpriced . Other people don't drink for medical reasons or because they don't drink and drive or simply don't care for alcohol- I don't see any reason why I should subsidize anyone else's gluttony on a major scale just because we've chosen to eat together. A couple of quid either way I'm not bothered but ten pounds or more- Forget it ! If I want to treat my friends I'll invite them out for a meal and tell them I am paying - but if it's a group meal I won't have treating them foisted on me under the deception of splitting the bill when some people ( always the same people) are ordering excessively compared to the rest of the table.

As for the amount you eat -I'll often have a main and have either starter or dessert - Three courses is often too much for me too - and I'm certainly not alone in that. I wouldn't just eat for the sake of eating. If I'm away I may have had a hotel cooked breakfast, a business lunch and then meet friends in the evening for dinner - I'd burst if I had three courses then too ! mI love my food but you can have too much of a good thing !

FBaby

Pollycat wrote: »

But that isn't what you originally posted:

Nothing about an explanation.

Although some people may think you've changed your story, I'm sure you'll agree that it is quite easy not to give the whole story in your first post.

Ha ha, I expected this to be coming! I added that part because someone said it sounded rude, which I did say I agreed with! To be fair, I expect the one guy who suggested we split the bill and who didn't know we had spoken with BB first probably did think we were rude then.

Personally, if it had been me only and it had been my friends, I would have just responded to the guy and said that it wasn't just a few ££ and therefore didn't think it was fair to split and asked if anyone else was ok with us just paying our share, but I think OH didn't want to bring it up there and then in case in brought an atmosphere, so instead did it this way and talked to them afterwards.

seven-day-weekend

Whilst agreeing with what people say about different appetites, I can also see what missbiggles means. I have a friend who always wants a 'small' or 'half' plate when we go out, and 'just a small glass of water please', and while I don't (and won't) say anything, because she isn't doing anything wrong, it does put me off because I feel I can't order what I want to in case she thinks I'm a drunken greedy pig. Pastures New's post above confirms that this is indeed what some people DO think!

seven-day-weekend

PasturesNew wrote: »

So you stiff your mum??

My mum wants to pay and has plenty of money. She wants to take her turn like the rest of us do. We have told her she doesn't need to as there is only one of her, but she wants to do it, and, as I say, can afford it.