large booking at restaurant- how to split the bill?

duchy

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

In some ways, yes. I would arrange to meet them somewhere cheaper at a later date.

My husband and I have often not gone to things because they are too expensive.

So you'd be insisting they gave up their spare time another time to see you because you didn't want to attend their celebration ?

Sounds more like trying to make it all about you and your preferences than a genuine friendship <shrug>

Person_one

missbiggles1 wrote: »

My husband was never a big eater but his appetite went further downhill in the last 6/9 months of his life, although he still enjoyed going out for the (very) occasional meal with me or a couple of friends. However, he would never have spoiled the occasion for everybody else by sitting with nothing in front of him while everybody else felt guilty because they had decent appetites.

He always had the same number of courses as everybody else, eating a few mouthfuls of each course and enjoying what he was able to eat. That's the polite, thoughtful way to go about doing things - being part of the occasion, enjoying what you can and not spoiling things for everybody else.

I really really really hope your friends aren't the kind of people who would think a seriously ill friend was 'spoiling things' for them because he ate less.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

My husband was never a big eater but his appetite went further downhill in the last 6/9 months of his life, although he still enjoyed going out for the (very) occasional meal with me or a couple of friends. However, he would never have spoiled the occasion for everybody else by sitting with nothing in front of him while everybody else felt guilty because they had decent appetites.

He always had the same number of courses as everybody else, eating a few mouthfuls of each course and enjoying what he was able to eat. That's the polite, thoughtful way to go about doing things - being part of the occasion, enjoying what you can and not spoiling things for everybody else.

That not only saddens me, but angers me greatly. :mad:

In the last few months of his life, my Dads appetite diminished greatly and he found it hard to sometimes even finish a main meal. He never had a big appetite to begin with. But he always enjoyed going out for a meal still. It gave him pleasure to see his loved ones eating well and enjoying their food. He certainly didn't feel under any sort of pressure to match what we were having. He knew his limits and just had what he felt able to manage.

When we went out, he would just have and just eat what he fancied and what he could manage. What's the point in ordering and then wasting food just to make others feel better?

I'd give anything for my Dad to be here right now, to go out for a meal with him and for him to only have a small amount, it certainly wouldn't spoil things for us who eat more.

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

onlyroz

missbiggles1 wrote: »

It's nothing to do with privilege - when I've been skint (a pretty frequent occurrence:o) I didn't eat out except for the occasional curry/Wetherspoons and invited friends round for a cheap meal. I didn't go out to good restaurants with better off friends and spoil their evening by ordering one cheap course and a glass of water.

That's just common sense and good manners.

You've not yet explained why your evening would be spoiled if your dinner companion ordered less food than you, or if they are a cheaper dish then you. Does their vegetarian risotto make your steak taste worse in some way? Does their water affect the taste of your wine or beer?

burnoutbabe

Person_one wrote: »

So if a friend invited you to their already booked and planned birthday meal, at this new place they've been dying to try and are really looking forward to, and you looked at the menu and saw that you could just about swing it if you ordered the cheapest main only and drank water, you just wouldn't go?

yes. I would not attend.

I'd suggest meeting up for a coffee or cheap lunch some other time.

seven-day-weekend

We were invited to the owners' event at the holiday park where we have just bought a static caravan. We were told it was black tie.

Now we haven't got this sort of dress and didn't intend buying any, so we said we couldn't go.

Eventually though I emailed the organiser and described what we had got to wear and asked if that was suitable. She said it was, so we went and about half the people were not in black tie.

But had it been totally black tie we wouldn't have gone, it would have been embarrassing for us and insulting to our hosts.

To me that is like accepting an invitation to dinner and then not eating (sick people excluded of course).

missbiggles1

That's exactly what my husband did, so no need to be angry. He obviously enjoyed a few mouthfuls of 3 or 4 different things more than eating more of just one course - who wouldn't?

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

That's exactly what my husband did, so no need to be angry. He obviously enjoyed a few mouthfuls of 3 or 4 different things more than eating more of just one course - who wouldn't?

Well good, I'm glad he enjoyed them. However, you made it sound like he only did it to be what you deem socially acceptable.

It saddens me to think that if he hadn't have fancied say a starter, you and your friends would have though he was not polite and that he had spoiled things for all of you. Very sad attitude to life I'm sad to say.

onlyroz

missbiggles1 wrote: »

My husband was never a big eater but his appetite went further downhill in the last 6/9 months of his life, although he still enjoyed going out for the (very) occasional meal with me or a couple of friends. However, he would never have spoiled the occasion for everybody else by sitting with nothing in front of him while everybody else felt guilty because they had decent appetites.

He always had the same number of courses as everybody else, eating a few mouthfuls of each course and enjoying what he was able to eat. That's the polite, thoughtful way to go about doing things - being part of the occasion, enjoying what you can and not spoiling things for everybody else.

Are you being serious? Your husband would have "spoiled things for everybody" if he hadn't ordered the same number of courses as you? And to do otherwise is impolite and unthoughtful? I'll tell that to my dad next time we eat out - he's only got half a stomach and I'm sure he'll have a great laugh when I tell him he's spoiling our evening unless he orders a full three-course banquet.

And I do think it's ridiculous to order a full meal if you're only going to eat a mouthful. If that's really all he could eat then I think it would be better for him to order a starter for himself and then perhaps take a few spoonfuls off everybody else's plates. That's what I often did when our children were small - that way they could taste a few different things and still get something all to themselves.

I remember one time I ordered quail in an Italian restaurant. I was mortified when the plate came back with two whole birds on it, and I could only eat one - it saddened me that a creature had needlessly died for me. But I guess such wastage wouldn't matter to you, just as long as I wasn't spoiling the occasion for the other diners by sitting there while they finished their pudding.

missbiggles1

onlyroz wrote: »

You've not yet explained why your evening would be spoiled if your dinner companion ordered less food than you, or if they are a cheaper dish then you. Does their vegetarian risotto make your steak taste worse in some way? Does their water affect the taste of your wine or beer?

It's not a question of eating less food and certainly not to do with eating something cheaper. I'd just be embarrassed to sit eating nothing while everybody else was enjoying things, trying each others' dishes and talking about the food and I think most people would be as well. Obviously, some people don't mind being left out of things like that but it doesn't seem to me to be a pleasant situation.

(And I don't drink alcohol during Lent but that doesn't mean I sit and have a glass of tap.)