Is this normal or a red flag?

Frostycornett

Why is it a joke? She's not at school, she works hard and is a good kid. Therefor I don't mind bringing her food upstairs..I do admit she's spoiled though...I run her baths, make her bed, sort out her room..but I enjoy it....so more fool me

FBaby

Sorry for assuming that it was a joke. You admit yourself that she is spoiled. I personally don't agree in spoiling children in such a way as I think it does them a massive disfavour. These are the kids who most often struggle to adapt to life as adults because they don't comprehend that in real life, they are not the center of attention and people don't care to treat them as princess, but then again, some adapt ok so hopefully your daughter will.

However, I feel enticed to ask why you get pleasure in being what comes across as a servant to your child.

Jagraf

ravilious_fan wrote: »

Is a 13 year old (as stated in the OP) likely to be doing those things?

You said you couldn't see a reason why a healthy young person might lie in til 3.30pm.

I'm giving you an example, a real one.

If you think it is ok for some healthy Young people under some circumstances to lie in, please clarify.

Frostycornett

It's my job, or at least I see it as such. My 6 year old is the same I do everything for them. I enjoy doing it though, if I didn't I would change things.
My husband is treated much the same, he does no housework...I see to the children and do all the cooking and cleaning...it's just a role I have taken on. I'm a sahm mum and he works hard so I don't mind.

I don't tolerate rudeness though, if they are rude about wanting something then they can do it themselves.
I do take the point about being spoiled though, I regulary have to leave my dinner to get up and fetch sauce, more drinks, reheat something...when they could do it themselves.....but I can't mind that much or I wouldn't do it

ravilious_fan

Jagraf wrote: »

You said you couldn't see a reason why a healthy young person might lie in til 3.30pm.

I'm giving you an example, a real one.

If you think it is ok for some healthy Young people under some circumstances to lie in, please clarify.

I was responding to the OP. I thought that was obvious. The child in the OP was 13.

People who respond giving examples of adults working through the night and getting up late in the day, or of a much older teenager birthing puppies till 2am are being somewhat irrelevant.

FBaby

I do take the point about being spoiled though, I regulary have to leave my dinner to get up and fetch sauce, more drinks, reheat something...when they could do it themselves.....but I can't mind that much or I wouldn't do it

I do think as a parent, we are entitled to raise our kids as we see fit so don't want to come across as too judgmental, but it seems that your actions are more about how they make you feel (needed?) then what good they do to those you love.

I can understand doing all the housework if you are a sahm to children at school and your OH works, but I do struggle to see how it benefits the children. Maybe it is because you compare what they have to do during the day compared to you, so it seems they have a demanding life. Whereas I work full-time in a demanding job, do a lot outside of work too, so my kids' lives although very busy don't seem as busy as mine and if anything I think they should be doing a lot more in the house to help then they currently are.

Are your kids aware how unusual it is to be treated as they are, and are they genuinely grateful for it or do they take it for granted? Do they ever do things for you with a smile on their faces or do they moan if you ever ask them to do something. Do they act as you do towards more vulnerable people? Do they adjust well to the school environment (where clearly they don't get teachers/friends doing everything for them)?

Frostycornett

Frostycornett wrote: »

It's my job, or at least I see it as such. My 6 year old is the same I do everything for them. I enjoy doing it though, if I didn't I would change things.
My husband is treated much the same, he does no housework...I see to the children and do all the cooking and cleaning...it's just a role I have taken on. I'm a sahm mum and he works hard so I don't mind.

I don't tolerate rudeness though, if they are rude about wanting something then they can do it themselves.
I do take the point about being spoiled though, I regulary have to leave my dinner to get up and fetch sauce, more drinks, reheat something...when they could do it themselves.....but I can't mind that much or I wouldn't do it

FBaby wrote: »

I do think as a parent, we are entitled to raise our kids as we see fit so don't want to come across as too judgmental, but it seems that your actions are more about how they make you feel (needed?) then what good they do to those you love.

I can understand doing all the housework if you are a sahm to children at school and your OH works, but I do struggle to see how it benefits the children. Maybe it is because you compare what they have to do during the day compared to you, so it seems they have a demanding life. Whereas I work full-time in a demanding job, do a lot outside of work too, so my kids' lives although very busy don't seem as busy as mine and if anything I think they should be doing a lot more in the house to help then they currently are.

Are your kids aware how unusual it is to be treated as they are, and are they genuinely grateful for it or do they take it for granted? Do they ever do things for you with a smile on their faces or do they moan if you ever ask them to do something. Do they act as you do towards more vulnerable people? Do they adjust well to the school environment (where clearly they don't get teachers/friends doing everything for them)?

They are both kind thoughtful kids at school, and my youngest loves doing things for charity through her community group. I have to say sadly, no one particulary does anything for me, not without protest, husband included. I'm poorly at the minute (ear infection and constant high blood pressure) but I still have to do all the cooking...it's kind of expected.
Although I'm a sahm I don't sit down u til bedtime, feel like I'm always on the go....maybe I will take the day off and see how they cope!

duchy

Frostycornett wrote: »

They are both kind thoughtful kids at school, and my youngest loves doing things for charity through her community group. I have to say sadly, no one particulary does anything for me, not without protest, husband included. I'm poorly at the minute (ear infection and constant high blood pressure) but I still have to do all the cooking...it's kind of expected.
Although I'm a sahm I don't sit down u til bedtime, feel like I'm always on the go....maybe I will take the day off and see how they cope!

They sound incredibly selfish - but then it appears they are seeing the example set for them by your husband. If he doesn't see you as worthy of consideration then why should they ? You doing the cooking when sick is "expected" by whom ? You ? Most normal families if the main cook is unwell the other caring members of the families take over ....or if none of them can cook (and if they can't then why not?) then it's time for a takeaway.

"kind and thoughtful" just like charity - begins at home and is not only "for show".

Have you thought about what you will do with your time once the kids are left home/at university at all ?

peachyprice

Have I just slipped back into the 1950's?

ravilious_fan

The 50s were a great time.

End to rationing, shops getting full again, tv in its infancy, slower pace of life..