Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

System

I'm so sorry code thinking of you and sending massive hugs at this time *hugs*


welcome to the thread Flick sorry your son is having a rough time atm. Can relate to self medicating with alcohol. Started doing it in uni (before i was on medication), it got so bad my ex had to beg me not to drink on my own And i'm going to be honest and open up here, i'm still struggling with drinking. Started after i split up with my ex on 2014. Back then it was just a few cans, and not if i was working the next day. Turned into everynight i was at mine regardless if i had work. Granted i;ve never called in sick for being hungover as i dont seem to get hungover from beer. But its still not good. Honestly i'm sat here drinking right now I've nver told anyone about it, i mean i;ve told Swain (my bf) but even he doesn;t know the full extent of my problems. I'm trying to cut back and i never drink any other time, just when im here in this houseshare. I NEED to stop but nothing has stopped me so far. I think what will be the breaking point is if i do get refered back to cMHT they will want to do a liver function test (cos of my medication), once they do that its game over and the extent of my drinking will be laid bare. I've told myself that what i have tonight is it. No more after this. But i don;t know if i can do it. I really dont want to have being an alcoholic (albveit a functioning one) on my medical records. Aorry to throw this out in the open but i wanted Flick to know its not just her son whos facing the same demons. I'll sort it. Soon.

whitewing

Live together with the agreement that you can rediscuss the situation if circumstances become too trying.

Sometimes a change in the dynamics in a family can change the problems. If your mum has been secretly worried that you may up and leave, for example, she may be a lot happier if you and your fiancee are married and living with her. That may make her more likely to do what she can do and to try things before automatically calling for you. You will just have to also be sensitive to the possibility that she doesn't call you when she genuinely needs you if she doesn't want to interrupt.

I'm sure you will all find a way.

whitewing

MU. You are lovely for posting.

Could you use the Demotivator tool on the site to demotivate you from spending the money on the booze. Then every can or bottle saved for a different day is a gain. Also, maybe phone a helpline and speak to a real person. Difficult perhaps to have the privacy that you need to do that.

Sometimes being open with people (eg Swain) is about timing. As long as you are realistic to yourself and managing rather than 'coping', perhaps telling people, except the professionals, is something that can wait for a while. This will give you some space to acknowledge the situation to yourself without feeling under pressure not to disappoint.

System

whitewing wrote: »

MU. You are lovely for posting.

Could you use the Demotivator tool on the site to demotivate you from spending the money on the booze. Then every can or bottle saved for a different day is a gain. Also, maybe phone a helpline and speak to a real person. Difficult perhaps to have the privacy that you need to do that.

Sometimes being open with people (eg Swain) is about timing. As long as you are realistic to yourself and managing rather than 'coping', perhaps telling people, except the professionals, is something that can wait for a while. This will give you some space to acknowledge the situation to yourself without feeling under pressure not to disappoint.

I might try and put the money i would spend on booze in a pot. then when i've saved money i can buy something nice. Id prefer to try and deal with this myself before anything becomes an official record. I think i've gotten into the habit of drinking here, as i say i dont drink any other time (i dont even go out anymore) i think its partly fuled by anxiety of living here but if i keep drinking like i am i'm not going to be alive to move out and move in with Swain. In part its impulsive risk taking, and whilst i can tell myself i'm not going to drink all it takes is one stressful day at work and im back to justifying one more drink. Its a vicious cycle.

whitewing

This may be a silly suggestion but could you switch to alcohol-free wine or a-f beer? The wine is cheaper than normal wine but is reminiscent of the taste.

System

whitewing wrote: »

This may be a silly suggestion but could you switch to alcohol-free wine or a-f beer? The wine is cheaper than normal wine but is reminiscent of the taste.

It might be an idea i'm sure i could try that for a few weeks. That way my body still thinking i'm "drinking" but i can maybe ease myself off it. I'll try anything if it helps. Thank you for the suggestion whitewing

Flick216

Thanks everyone - it's actually helpful knowing that other people have similar issues - although it saddens me as well - if you see what I mean.

When I suffered from terrible depression after my divorce I also drank and self harmed. I do understand his thought process and I also understand how hard it was to break that cycle. His counsellor said that the reason we drink, self-harm, overeat etc is down to one thing - to change the way we feel. And I totally get that. Even when I just have a drink on a Friday night - I am doing it to relax - to change the way I feel. It makes complete sense to me.

He seems to have been ok over the past few days and is seeing his counsellor again tonight. I feel so much better when he seems ok but then I am terrible when he is not.

I don't want him to stop drinking completely - having a drink when you go out with friends or family etc can be a fun thing to do - he just doesn't seem to know when to stop. But then was I any better when I was his age? (Although I had my eldest son at his age - but you know what I mean)

It's made me look at addiction as well - I have realised I have a terrible sugar addiction. I found myself stockpiling cakes and chocolate over the weekend, panicking in case I didn't have any in the house. If I had done that with booze or drugs - I would have been called an addict! Because I don't really want to have drink and encourage my son - I think I am making up for it with sugar. And I was obese to begin with - I am reaching whale proportions. Or perhaps that's just my way of dealing with it??

MessedUp - nice to see you again - I am used to seeing you in the Arms - catching the X spot in the Alphabetty Thread :rotfl:

If they made alcohol free JD that actually tasted like JD - I would be a happy woman! But then again - I like the mild buzz that booze brings. That sense of peace and calm. I imagine that's what my son enjoys but sadly cannot stop at that. Neither can I though - and that includes chocolate etc. If I have it in the house - I have to eat it. How can I help him when I cannot control myself?

Wow - I kinda rambled a bit there! Sorry!

tea_lover

((((code))))

Flick216

Code.........reply to penguin.

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I lost my mum, stepmum and finally my dad in the space of 4 years. I was devastated when dad died. It was a very, very difficult time. There is not a day goes by that I do not miss him and I can still burst in to tears if I suddenly see a picture of him. He died in March 2012.

You will get through this - it seems impossible right now but you will. My own way of coping was to be very practical. I did as much organising of things as possible. It kept my mind focused and in some small way I felt as if I was helping dad. I realise this may not be the path for you - everyone has to deal with things in a different way.

I truly feel for you and wish you and your family much love.

Izadora

Well, for a double-length weekend that went remarkably quickly!!

Hi Flick, welcome to the thread (sorry, I thought I'd said hello the other day but seem to have done my usual trick of typing, getting sidetracked and forgetting the actual posting it part...) and sorry you/your son are having a hard time of it at the moment. I can relate to stockpiling cakes as way of dealing with things as well, if I'm stressed about anything I can eat pretty much non-stop - oh to be one of those people who lose their appetite when something's bothering them!!

((((( Code )))) I'm so, so sorry for what you're dealing with and don't worry about being strong for other people, just do whatever you need to do to get through it.

MU, Lindy Bop dresses - every time you've got enough money in your 'what I would've spent on beer' fund you can buy yourself something from Lindy Bop.

I'm sure I've missed quite a lot of stuff I was going to reply to but hugs and squishes to all.