Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

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tea_lover wrote: »

Because they're significant x.

True dat I had a rant at my friend over a cocktail instead. And I patently hadn't completely recovered from my first blood donation on Monday as the cocktail made me very giggly haha!

HBS x

tea_lover

I can always be relied on for 'cliche of the day'

Gingernutty

Hey everybody! :hello: Penguin about random bad news.

I've just come from the GP. Guess who's got shingles! Yay!! :eek:

It's been pretty stressful lately and I've got run down enough to get shingles. It's in a really embarrassing place too.

Work on my house has ground to a halt as Severn Trent are not cooperating with the builders, my GCSE Maths is falling behind and my temp job is pretty poor.

I'm also on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment. Yay!

The job is ok. A lot of repetitive work (manually transferring data from more than one database to a single database) but the one I work for is not a people person and speaks to me very sharply sometimes.

We work in an open plan office which is very noisy, I'm expected to know a lot of stuff and the one I work for is pretty unforgiving if I make a mistake.

Still it's a temp job and the end is in sight as the lady I'm replacing has resigned. The job is being advertised and I'll be away soon.

Glad to see you're all still posting. Got to go.

Flick216

Morning all - someone has recommended this thread to me - I am having issues with my youngest son. He is 20 and last October quit uni. I don't have an issue with that at all - I welcomed him home but I did say that he had to get a job - which he did. I realised earlier this year that he has a drinking problem. I have got him a counsellor who seems very nice and he goes a while without drinking but he is back on it now. The next bit is copied and pasted - apologies but it's easier than retyping! It's from the Good Morning thread!

My son was drinking again last night. It makes me nervous and I can't sleep.

I went to see his counsellor with him last week and he said that the reason we drink/overeat/self-harm etc is because we want to change the way we feel. Whatever he is feeling at the time is too much for him to cope with so he drinks to make it go away. I hate the fact that he is obviously so upset about something that he has to indulge in self-destructive behaviour - yet I can't seem to help him

He has changed so much - he doesn't even seem to want to spend any time with me any more. He used to be happy and friendly and now he is not the person he was. It's awful because he was amazing and wonderful. I mean, he still is obviously, it's just being buried beneath whatever it is that troubles him.

I didn't know if I should email his counsellor with a bit of my son's history - he had a rough time at junior school as he was in special needs (unwarranted in my opinion) and he did take Roaccutane in his teens for his skin. I have read that it can cause depression in later life. I don't know if I should try and get him on antidepressants. I know they are not a long term (by that I mean years) answer but I do know that when I was severely depressed, they really helped me for a couple of years.

He does have a job - he works at Subway 6 days a week! I worry that he is going to go into work hungover and lose his job. He has already called in sick a couple of times because he has been too hungover. He did say last night that he had it under control and that he knew how much he could drink and still be ok for work - talk about rationalisation!

I don't think his counselling is CBT - he seemed a very nice chap though and I feel confident he was in good hands.

I just don't know what to do - I am his mother and I should be able to wave my magic wand and make it all better.

tea_lover

Hello Flick, welcome to the thread I'm so glad you found us....rest assured that there is always a warm welcome (and a virtual biscuit) on offer

Sorry to hear that your son is struggling right now. A lot of that sounds so familiar to myself at that age (drinking too much, clearly depressed, no real idea why). It must be very hard as a parent to watch your beloved child and not know how to help. It sounds as if the help he's accessing is good - that must be a relief.

Flick216

Penitent wrote: »

Anxiety disorders make no sense. I was fine with the decorator the last couple of days (well, fine in the sense that I was able to sit upstairs, stick something on Netflix and pretend he wasn't here). For some reason I just can't settle today.

It could be that you have exhausted your patience for it over the past couple of days. When the decorator first came it's probably exciting - you are about to be redecorated! The second day you are still riding on the wave - after that it's just - why aren't you done yet!!

Flick216

tea_lover wrote: »

Hello Flick, welcome to the thread I'm so glad you found us....rest assured that there is always a warm welcome (and a virtual biscuit) on offer

Sorry to hear that your son is struggling right now. A lot of that sounds so familiar to myself at that age (drinking too much, clearly depressed, no real idea why). It must be very hard as a parent to watch your beloved child and not know how to help. It sounds as if the help he's accessing is good - that must be a relief.

Thank you - and thanks to the lovely Pyxis for directing me here

It's awful - I can't function properly myself - which then makes me worry about my own job (they are very supportive - it's not like I will get fired but I hate not being productive at work) Then, because I have suffered from depression before, I know what the signs are for me. I can feel all those old feelings coming back so I have to really focus on not going down that road again.

I realise I just made that sound all about me - but how can I him if I am a mess! It's even more important for me to keep it together. So glad I have MSE!

tea_lover

Ooh thanks Flick - your last post has given me the perfect opportunity to unleash today's "cliche of the day" ......

You cant pour from an empty jug.

Looking after yourself is so important - for your health, and for your son's. Good to hear that your work are supportive, than can make such a big difference.

onomatopoeia99

Welcome to the thread Flick, if Pyxis hadn't already pointed you here I would have done when I read your post. Quite a bit of what you wrote is familiar to me as one of my closest friends is going though something that sounds similar (self harm, drinking, etc), though she is a similar age to me (late 40s). Her current problems were triggered by a painful breakup, though her deeper issues that this is another cycle of go back to childhood.

She has gone from the GP to a MH referral which lead to a several week course of group CBT / "mood therapy", then after that three individual sessions with a counselor around the new year for assessment which has now lead to a diagnosis (EUPD) and a referral for individual DBT which should be starting in a month or two. She's just applied for (at the suggestion of the counselor) and been awarded PIP as well.

To get through the process to this point has taken a little under a year (this is in London) and she's been on SSRIs (anti-depressants) for most of that time, One of the things that came out of the counselor writing the referral report was that the use of alcohol was to a significant extent a crude attempt at self medication, rather than a dependency. I've also seen the same rationalisation about alcohol use that you have, the "I know if I drink this much I'll still be able to work."

I can't offer a great deal of reassurance on outcomes as my friend is still in the process, but she has received a lot of support from the system as a whole and the whole MH diagnosis and treatment process starting at the GP does seem to be joining up and functioning.

Best wishes to your son and as tea says, it is important to look after yourself as well.

Flick216

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Welcome to the thread Flick, if Pyxis hadn't already pointed you here I would have done when I read your post. Quite a bit of what you wrote is familiar to me as one of my closest friends is going though something that sounds similar (self harm, drinking, etc), though she is a similar age to me (late 40s). Her current problems were triggered by a painful breakup, though her deeper issues that this is another cycle of go back to childhood.

She has gone from the GP to a MH referral which lead to a several week course of group CBT / "mood therapy", then after that three individual sessions with a counselor around the new year for assessment which has now lead to a diagnosis (EUPD) and a referral for individual DBT which should be starting in a month or two. She's just applied for (at the suggestion of the counselor) and been awarded PIP as well.

To get through the process to this point has taken a little under a year (this is in London) and she's been on SSRIs (anti-depressants) for most of that time, One of the things that came out of the counselor writing the referral report was that the use of alcohol was to a significant extent a crude attempt at self medication, rather than a dependency. I've also seen the same rationalisation about alcohol use that you have, the "I know if I drink this much I'll still be able to work."

I can't offer a great deal of reassurance on outcomes as my friend is still in the process, but she has received a lot of support from the system as a whole and the whole MH diagnosis and treatment process starting at the GP does seem to be joining up and functioning.

Best wishes to your son and as tea says, it is important to look after yourself as well.

Thank you - I am also of the opinion that he is using alcohol to self-medicate. I don't think is is an alcoholic per se..I feel that once we get to the root cause the drinking to self-medicate will stop.

Although he did have an appointment with the local MH access team - I have found him a private counsellor as I felt it was a better way to go. He is not on antidepressants and whilst I don't want to force medication on him, I still feel it would be a good idea.

I am under no illusion that this will be a quick process - it took me about 3 or 4 years - and I still feel the need to pop back to my counsellor (again, I paid privately).

I don't know if I want the outcome to be a diagnosis of some kind - I heartily dislike labels as it can become very easy to load everything on to. I have issues with my spine and virtually every single pain I ever get, the doctors just say it's because of my back problems without really looking any further. It's very frustrating and I just feel as though I am a bad back. I think it can be too easy to fall back on a diagnosis/label as it can be used to excuse everything. I have seen this with other people - all their bad behaviour is just excused away and they use it as a reason to be an !!!!!!!! That was a rather longwinded sentence but I hope you got the gist of what I am saying!