Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

codemonkey

Death penguin

My dad died yesterday. It took almost a week for him to go following the first call and being told they couldn't help him. The whole process was hard, we barely slept, ate from the hospital canteen, everyone got grumpy and that was without the interference from a family member who tried to go against his wishes and involve religion. It brought up a lot of issues from my past as he didn't really acknowledge my presence but constantly looked for my sort of sister, and he even winked at her (you guys will remember that I've talked about his very obvious preference for her and the effect on my self-esteem).

When he died, I was stuck in traffic. I missed him by about 15 minutes. I feel numb and distraught all at the same time. It kills me to know that I'll never see him again and I'll never get another hug from him or even talk to him again.

I am heartbroken.

jobbingmusician

Code, enormous hugs. The rest is penguined.

You have memories of him and some happy times, and whether or not you believe in any sort of perseverance of the soul, or spirit, you may be able to console yourself with the thought that now he understands that you didn't feel as loved as your sort of sister. His essence has now passed, but it's still around in your memories and love - treasure the good bits.

Sometimes it helps to do the empty chair technique and speak to your dad (the departed person) and tell them what you are feeling. When I have lost people I have also found the funeral very helpful. (And I'm not religious, it just seemed to release something in me.) I do hope time will work its magic and the family won't be too objectionable. xxxxx

elsien

So so sorry Code, it must be really hard for you. Take care of yourself as best you can.

faerielight

Oh code.. I am deeply sorry for your loss, you must be in such shock, my heart goes out to you.

Penguin about health

I've not had good news today, the endocrine nurse rang me today and said the test results are back and it is Addison's disease.She said i had not responded at all to the steroids, and that I may need to go inpatient. I'm so angry that it took 6 years of fighting the NHS to be believed that I have been seriously ill since the sepsis and have been written off as my BPD by multiple medics. If it wasn't for the rheumatologist, I dread to think what would have happened.. they clearly haven't learnt their lessons after the original negligence that almost killed me, and again, things have to get life threatening to be believed. I feel utterly overwhelmed that I have another serious illness to add to the mix.. when you have so many illnesses, it's hard to know what is what . I have to get a medic bracelet, and injectable kit and be on steroids for life. I think I'm under so much stress and emotion with the mother/Anna combo, the steroids are being eaten up by the stress,I so wish I could get a handle on the stress and anxiety, but now I have one more major thing to worry about. I am dreading the mri results as I now have 3 autoimmune diseases sothe chances of inflammatory arthritis. I feel so overwhelmed with everything I think I remember that Waves,you have Addisons.. am I right?

System

I'm so sorry code sending hugs and warm handshakes *hugs tightly*

heartbreak_star

All the love I can give, Code. I am so desperately sorry.

HBS x

onomatopoeia99

So sorry code *hugs*

tea_lover

Oh code, am so sorry. Am thinking of you xx.

Izadora

Code, I am so sorry. Massive hugs to you and your loved ones xx

Solarjunkie

Code, my condolences. Penguin

I have recently lost 2 members of my family, one sudden, one expected. So I have an idea of how you're feeling, but only an idea, each of us has our own path of grief and remembrance. But what may offer a crumb of comfort to your missing your father's passing by 15 minutes is that it seems people often "choose" to pass when their relatives have just popped out for a coffee or are otherwise not present. Personally, I was asleep, and was woken by a nurse to tell me I had missed the moment. I consoled myself with the knowledge that I had been there most of the time. It is true, what people will be telling you, the strength of what you're feeling does abate. I wish you strength to get through the next few hours and days.

End penguin.