Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

codemonkey

Pyxis wrote: »

:eek:

I'm so glad I'm retired.

I really feel for you and Code.

I can't think of anything worse than waking up and dreading going into work. (((((((((((((((Tea and Code)))))))))))))

It sucks. You think it it's just a job but we're spending 8+ hours of our day in an environment we hate that then the rest of the time worrying about going back there. I feel like a failure that I can't make this work. I feel guilty about my contribution to society as this job isn't helping people in anyway. I feel isolated because my colleagues aren't very chatty. Mostly I feel frustrated because what I really want to do is quit and I can't. I'm trapped. And I did it to myself.

codemonkey

Izzy - wedding dress shopping is such a bizarre experience. The shops don't always carry a selection of samples in all the sizes. I was a size 12 when I got married and I remember being in a shop where they were squeezing me into size 8s or pinning back size 22s and they asked me to imagine how it would look if it fit. Another shop's samples were so filthy it was hard to imagine what they'd look like. I.think I went to just about every shop in the area and I ended up buying my dress from a shop where the samples they brought fit me because at least I knew how it would look. It's also really odd because you're standing there in your pants while someone you meet 2 minutes ago is putting a dress on you.

Pyxis

codemonkey wrote: »

It sucks. You think it it's just a job but we're spending 8+ hours of our day in an environment we hate that then the rest of the time worrying about going back there. I feel like a failure that I can't make this work. I feel guilty about my contribution to society as this job isn't helping people in anyway. I feel isolated because my colleagues aren't very chatty. Mostly I feel frustrated because what I really want to do is quit and I can't. I'm trapped. And I did it to myself.

It might be a great big dollop of very cold comfort, and possibly not very helpful at this immediate moment, but believe me when I say that this experience will make you grow. It won't go on for ever (although I can't predict the timescale), but it will make you a better person, a stronger person, both in yourself and as an employee for whoever is lucky enough to employ you in the future, and most definitely as an employer if you ever become one.

All experiences, however dire, are useful in the long run, even bad ones, as they can often act as a spur to something good.

I know these are just words at the moment, but please take heart.

From my own experiences of having to undergo situations I've dreaded, whether it was a difficult period at work or some other scenario, I have come out the other end better equipped. It doesn't stop me having big scary things to do at the moment, (quite ridiculous things compared with some of the scary stuff I've had to contend with in the past), but it does make me realise that the old adage "This, too, will pass" is very true.

Get angry. I find that if I manage to get angry about a situation, it is empowering, and gives me an energy I didn't have before.

I wish I could get angry with my piles of papers and 'stuff'! :rotfl:


As someone else said before, finding out what you don't want is as valuable as trying to work out what you do want.

It reminds me of those programmes about New Home in the Country, where people either don't really know what they want in a property until they see what they don't want, or they think they do know, but then discover that they actually have different priorities.

codemonkey

I know it will pass but as there's no timescale or end in sight, I'm aware that I'm potentially looking at 30+ years of this nonsense.

Also angry codemonkey =crying codemonkey and I didn't bring my makeup bag today.

Plus, what if the one thing you don't want to do is the one thing that you're qualified for and experienced in and you can't afford to retrain or take a lower paid job because you're the bigger earner and you can't pay the mortgage and bills on a much lower wage?

But thanks. I understand what you're saying, but all I'm seeing in the maze at the moment is dead ends.

Izadora

codemonkey wrote: »

Izzy - wedding dress shopping is such a bizarre experience.

Seeing as it's only going to be IzHe and me (on a beach in Cuba and in less than 5 months) I'll be going for an off-the-peg dress so will be spared the full-on dress shopping experience. I know it means that I'll have less choice but I don't want anything too heavy or overly pricey and I don't have time to wait for something to be made anyway.

codemonkey

That sounds like a lovely wedding.

My friend had a gorgeous wedding dress from Monsoon for her wedding.

Lindybop also have a wedding dress section if you fancy going down the shorter dress route.

Also don't discount wedding dress shops - they usually have lighter destination dresses and if you can get one off the sale racks, it wouldn't be that expensive and got wouldn't have to wait for it.

Maybe I should be a wedding planner :rotfl:

Pyxis

Izadora wrote: »

Seeing as it's only going to be IzHe and me (on a beach in Cuba and in less than 5 months) I'll be going for an off-the-peg dress so will be spared the full-on dress shopping experience. I know it means that I'll have less choice but I don't want anything too heavy or overly pricey and I don't have time to wait for something to be made anyway.

Have you tried looking for something very different in a quirky shop?

mellymoo74

Solarjunkie

Wedding dresses - don't forget, "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue" gives you "permission" to go vintage, or borrowed, or whatever.
Several charity shops have specialised wedding departments, loads of dresses, usually visit by appointment.
There are amazing numbers of people it appears who buy 2 dresses, wear one & sell the other on ebay! Also lots of ex display etc like this http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/BNWT-SIZES-8-20-BHS-IVORY-WILLOW-LACE-PEPLUM-WEDDING-DRESSES-RRP-180/262651383651?_trksid=p2047675.c100005.m1851&_trkparms=aid%3D222007%26algo%3DSIC.MBE%26ao%3D2%26asc%3D40760%26meid%3D3fa5f173d3d14946a9370225c22b668e%26pid%3D100005%26rk%3D1%26rkt%3D6%26mehot%3Dpp%26sd%3D222113844862

Finding a wedding dress is supposed to be fun! Hope you manage to find some fun in it.

Izadora

codemonkey wrote: »

Maybe I should be a wedding planner :rotfl:

Do it!!

Monsoon's one of the places I'll be going to when I finally feel able to try things on and I'll keep Lindybop in mind if I change my mind about the length of the dress - I want to be barefoot so think it might look a bit odd having something short but I do love that style of dress.

I hadn't even thought of the fact that dress shops would have sale ones which were ready to go, thank you.

Pyxis wrote: »

I ended up with a three-quarter length gold cotton lace dress made from some vintage 'net' curtains! Teamed it with a red vintage necklace and a red/yellow spray of fuschias in my hair.

That sounds amazing!! I think I probably want something obviously weddingy but not overly fussy, if that makes any sense, but would also be happy to get something that was nothing like a wedding gown if I loved it.

Melly, your hair looks fab and very like what you said you wanted. I presume you're happy with it?