Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Gingernutty

I'm currently in the library, logged into their wifi, making sure all the money I think I have is still there.

It'still there. Phew!

I've paid a lot of money to a builder to start work and sent him the keys before Christmas. He rang me last week and asked where they were.

Told him I sent them, told him by recorded delivery but had thrown away the receipt. I had.

Then after the call, had doubts. Did I send them by RD? I'm sure I did send them. Did I throw away a simple proof of posting?

So I got the keys cut again and went to Kidderminster to hand deliver the keys. His house is nicer than mine, btw...

Then I started doubting the amounts I had in my bank accounts. So here I am.

I may have to move money around soon, but I've got cash.

Got TOTM, got sniffles, got weight to lose, got housework to do, got GCSE Maths to do but I got cash.

tea_lover

Did the keys you sent have your address in with them GN?

onomatopoeia99

tea_lover wrote: »

Did the keys you sent have your address in with them GN?

My first thought as well!

calleyw

WaS,

I don't think you realise how amazing you are.

I know if it was me I would be a dribbling heap in the corner. You don't give yourself enough credit for how you manage.

I am back after walking to and from the dr's worn out :rotfl: Anyway blood test tomorrow. Trying not to think about it as other wise I might cry :eek: need to make sure I drink something as last time I had not drunk and they had issues.

Now back in on my recliner sofa and snuggled under fleecy blankets as its wet and dull and horrible out.

Yours

Calley X

Gingernutty

They had just the first line which is a fairly generic address.

Think 'Acacia Avenue' or 'Vicarage Road'.

They were in a padded envolope with tissues to stop them jingling/moving inside.

ETA - They were sent before Christmas with a parcel of presents to my family.

I don't know if they were lost or just delayed by the Christmas post and they've arrived since. I can't even remember if I did send them recorded. In which case he's got or getting two sets of keys....

Pyxis

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

I log everything, whitewing. I have a spreadsheet and micromanage all of our money literally down to the last £5. Having OCD helps there because I like the feeling of control but I would be just like you if I didn't keep such tight tabs on it.

Thank you Pyxis, my golden lights won't leave me! What do you mean you can't walk when I cling to your leg?

I wondered what that heavy feeling was! :rotfl:

elsien

Waves_and_Smiles wrote: »

It all comes down to extremely low self-esteem and thinking I don't deserve anyone and that everything that goes wrong especially involving deaths is all my fault. I am annoying myself.

WaS, I'm sure we've mentioned this before but you are totally unforgettable in a really positive good way. Don't let you tell you otherwise.
You might want to skip the next bit.






I'm currently watching a TV programme that was on a while ago called Kids on the Edge - this episode focusses on girls and there's a lot about self harm. It's well worth watching for anyone who it won't trigger.
It also talks about how much some of these kids need stability which the high turnover of staff mitigates against. Which is also an issue with the current government proposals for better earlier care as to where the staff are meant to come from.

faerielight

penguin

Hi guys, I'm really struggling . II'm up all night adrenalised and in a horrible dissociative state where everything seems so sinister, it feels like being on drugs. everything seems so unreal. I go from pillar to post from housing to health and none of it is solvable so worrying about it all night seems so stupid. I've got the pit of fear in my tummy that something bad is coming, and it is. Going back on the surgery list again has sent me really crazy. And I spokie to a manager at the hospital begging them not to put me through multiple cancellations and forcing me into a next medical emergency, because I can't take it, but she said the hospital is now in permanent special measures and they will put me through it all again. I just want to be able to cope with this, but I'm utterly exhausted and in such despair. I bought a fitbit to track my sleep and this week I've averaged 2 1/2 hours a night. This insomnia is so severe. and I feel ferrel with the levels of fight and flight and flooded with flashbacks and fear.
I must be such a broken record as this has all been going on for years. Sorry if it is!. my GP won't write me a comprehensive letter about my disabilities to use to appeal the housing banding decision, I feel like I'm swimming against the tide of life. I think I need to give up on the dream of ever getting housed, as it's not possible. I can't imagine feeling security in any area of my life. I'm not safe with my health, I just needed to feel safe in a home where I can wash and have no stairs and that my cats would be happy in .It feels too much to ask for. The most I've got is trying to survive and keep fighting, but the fights make me so jaded and angry, and the anger has nowhere to go. I just feel horrible. And to top it off, my pain levels are so high, I'm in agony . I had an infrared heating pad that helped a ;lot but it broke and I've got no bath to soak my bones in Pain sucks, even with the morphine and pain patches, my back is on fire.

faerielight

,Waves, sorry to hear you are feeling the abandonment fear, BPD sucks so bad, doesn't it and Tea,sorry to hear of your medical probs topo. I have a lot of adhesions too.

surveyqueenuk

faerie, about this bit of your penguin

PENGUIN

but she said the hospital is now in permanent special measures and they will put me through it all again.

PENGUIN

Is this what she actually said? That YOUR op WILL be cancelled and rescheduled or was it more along the lines of "we are in special measures and we MIGHT have to reschedule some (non-specific) non-emergency operations"? Just so we know the correct advice to give you.