Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Waves_and_Smiles

Penguin to Faerie, talks about psychosis

Faerie, you said one thing that makes an incredible amount of sense, now your friend is no longer there you are grieving for your ex. That isn't silly at all, it shows huge insight and I think you are right. When I cut off my family I was dating someone and I went from relationship to relationship without a break for years. My therapist asked me why I was running from being alone frequently. Finally, when a relationship ended I didn't rush straight into another. I then experienced a heartbreaking grief over being parted from my family, I had been replacing them with other people to fill the gap. I had to experience all of the emotions of the end of the relationship with my mother before I could heal and that meant facing all of the pain of realising that even though I didn't regret my decision it had ripped me apart. It makes perfect sense that now you do not have a surrogate boyfriend that all of the bottled up feelings from your ex come to the surface, it is like a new grief because you have never allowed yourself to experience them before. What you are feeling now isn't just the grief from stepping back from your friend, it is all of your grief combined.

As far as you friend goes, please try not to feel guilty. As I have told you before I have done similar, it is something that can happen often with BPD because you are just so scared all of the time of losing everything. It IS very manipulative, but it is manipulation done out of terror of having to be alone and take control of one's own life Also, your friend won't stop doing this until they are ready, believe me I lost so many friends when they found out my lies, I just did it even more strongly because I became even more desperate to find reasons for people to stay with me and I thought it was all I had to offer. It is a completely personal choice to stop and be willing to face why you feel you need to do that and look at all the pain that goes with it, until your friend feels brave enough to face that they won't do it and you HAVE to protect yourself.

Also, you mentioned your friend has psychosis. I did too at the time I was lying and I began to believe my lies. I quickly lost track of what I had made up and what was really happening so it is possible that your friend now believes some of what they are saying. It can become very jumbled in your mind and suddenly your imagination feels completely real and you cannot understand why people say you are lying because by then you are convinced that it's true. You have done all you can, if your friend won't engage with the mental health services there is little you can do. Just be there for them when they are prepared to get the help they need, until then you are right to step away.

As far as day centres go I found I made friends from attending the various groups. You are doing the right thing by joining in with them, it is far easy to find friends when you are working together in smaller groups towards a common goal. Stick with it, you will find like-minded people, it just takes a while sometimes.

Waves_and_Smiles

Does anyone else ever find they have such a distorted experience of family roles that they have to sit back and remind themselves what is the 'norm' for these relationships? I have noticed lately that I have a particular problem with a mother's role because my own relationship with my mother was so dysfunctional. I hear how adults will go the extra mile for their mothers and my without-thinking reaction is but why do that? It doesn't make sense to me initially at all.

Then I remind myself of what a mother is, that they likely loved and wanted their child, made sacrifices for them and have always tried to them help them and nurture them and then I feel shocked and sad that a mother would do that and mine didn't. Of course, logically I understand that more often than not that does happen but I catch myself more and more realising I have no automatic sense of a bond a mother would have with their child and it takes a mental effort to realise that for most people it exists.

I have to be careful not to react on my immediate response which is "But why would you want to do so much for someone just because they are your mother?" and remember that my experience was out of the ordinary with almost no nurturing at all between us and how I view family relationships is very different to many other people.

I guess I understand family roles as if I have read about them in a text book but I have no personal experience to go on. I understand them in a very abstract way but not as a reality in my life and they have no emotional resonance with me. Does that even make sense?

Torry_Quine

WaS that makes sense as we can only go by our own experience.

Pyxis

Faerie, could they not just push some tables together?



Penguin about breast lumps...
Well, as if the awful family situation, garden jungle, crowded house, mountains of paperwork, and the nation's constitutional crisis isn't enough, now I have found a lump in my breast.

The thing is, I've had a history of dozens of benign breast cysts over a period of years. Each time I found one, I would have to go to the hospital to have it aspirated and tested.
Problem now is that I haven't had any for years, so finding a lump right out of the blue is a bit worrying.
Also, whereas when I was getting them, I could self-refer straight to the hospital department whenever I found a new one, now, of course, I have to start all over again and go through the GP.

I wouldn't be particularly worried, were it not for the fact that it is years since the last one, and I honestly thought I'd 'grown out of' them, so am a bit concerned.

And have to wait until Monday before I can do anything. End penguin.

Torry_Quine

Pyxis So sorry to hear that. Try and relax, easier said I know.

calleyw

(((((pyxis))))) there is a corner in the duvet fort where I am handing out for free and nowt hugs. They can be long/short, gentle/bear hug how ever you like them.

Right not much to say. I know :rotfl:

phews are 3 and 4 izzy and are a handful.

Stayed at home for the last two day.

I will penguin it due to being about eating

Had stomach issues this afternoon. And all I have had was chicken and veg and then yoghurt and frozen bananas. will test it in a few days time by having no dairy and then drink a big glass of milk!!!

umm fun :rotfl:

Penguin end

I did get and cut the grass this evening both front and back. I have decided to get rid of the grass at the back and put gravel down. Will just need to weed it instead of cutting it.

Everyone take care.

Yours

Calley

Georgiegirl256

Hugs to all who need them right now x x

Faerie, it sounds like you're going through a rough time right now The photography course sounds fab, I'm sure you enjoy it and things will start to get easier there for you. Hope your friend gets the help he needs too.

Pyxis, hopefully because you've got a history with them, the GP will fast track you to the hospital. Take care x x

WaS, that makes total sense and is understandable you feel like that. X x

Virtually last minute, me and my uncle have decided do the Colour Run tomorrow for the Hospice charity again. He had his knee done a few months back but it has healed well, he's getting his other one done at the end of the year, but he was still really eager to do it. Fingers crossed it stays fair, or else we're going to be a couple of rainbow swamp monsters! :rotfl: Oh, and they've got bouncy castles this year! Some for the kids and a big assualt course ones for the adults! :j My uncles so competitive and wants to beat last years time, so doesn't want to take time out to go on them....but he's going to whether likes it or not lol!

whitewing

Today I should be sorting out my paperwork.

But I have new fabric paints....

Hmm.

Littlewing and I did some art and craft yesterday and I have to say they look brilliant (from a distance at least).

ER seems to be recovering well. She is still very poorly of course, but is able to remember things and communicate and ask for littlewing.

Pyxis

Lambyr, there's a programme on BBC4 tonight at 8.15pm about Giant Squid!


Apparently there are some monster ones off Japan, but none have ever been seen alive. They are using robot cameras to find them, as they live a kilometre deep!

calleyw

Afternoon my lovelies,

Hugs and squishes and handshakes to all that need them.

I feel like carp today. My sleep is all over the place. Today I woke at 7.30 ish and then was awake for about an hour. Then went to sleep again and woke up just before 12. Even now still feel like a zombie.

Yesterday I ended up sleeping for 3 hrs or so during the day.

Going to have to have words with lodger about pulling his weight. Again another week has gone by and he has not cleaned the bathroom. Today he is at work and then comes in and straight out to meet this woman who lives 40 miles away :eek: He lives hand to mouth and just wastes money hand over fist. Had take out 3 times in one week??? And owes nearly 5K in debt but just does not seem to be pro-active like getting a better paid job closer to home or getting a second a job to help pay it off. I am going to tell him he either cleans the bathroom on his days off when its his week or I get a cleaner in and he foots half the cost. His choice.

One load of washing on and another to go in when that has finished and out on the washing line.

Think a binge session of netflix/amazon prime and some x-stitch this afternoon.

Everyone take care and I am always in the fort in spirit if you need hugs, handshakes or squishes.

Yours

Calley