Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Lambyr

Pyxis wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I'd love to be a fly on the wall! :rotfl:

I could let you know some of the better ones, though I might have to Penguin some of them in the interests of good taste!

I'm just glad she doesn't know how to use the Internet and therefore is unable to Google some of the things she's been asking.

One of the tamer bizarre ones has been "Is that why you don't like wearing heels?"

It took me a while to work out where her mind was at with that one.

Torry_Quine

I never wear heels, wonder what people have been thinking.:rotfl:

Well done Calley.

Lambyr

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I never wear heels, wonder what people have been thinking.:rotfl:

Well done Calley.

Well I now know what my mum would think!

I just hate heels. I figure my feet are shaped the way they are for a reason.

As much as I can get away with it, I wear shoes with memory foam in them. Bliss for my feet!

Pyxis

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I never wear heels, wonder what people have been thinking.:rotfl:

Well done Calley.

Lambyr wrote: »

Well I now know what my mum would think!

I just hate heels. I figure my feet are shaped the way they are for a reason.

As much as I can get away with it, I wear shoes with memory foam in them. Bliss for my feet!

I never wear heels! Too damned uncomfortable! And terribly bad for your back!

Lambyr

Pyxis wrote: »

I never wear heels! Too damned uncomfortable! And terribly bad for your back!

Yeah, I find them uncomfortable and difficult to walk in. I also have the added problem of being 5'10". I don't need to add a couple of inches to my height. I already get the odd gawp (and 5'10" isn't *that* tall!) so appearing over 6'+ would probably attract more gawping.

faerielight

Hi guys, I had a much better experience today athtne centre.. I had a good proper keyworking today, and I think I really needed it. I half expected her to tell me off or be angry that I was struggling last week.. 5 years with the wrath of the MH team I fought has left it's mark, but she was really helpful and reassuring.. she suggested making a card with the traffic lights on, and holding up the amber if I'm starting to get triggered, or red if I'm in full force of emotional intensity/disassociating/flashbacking, so I'm going to make one.

I sat in their garden for an hour, it was really peaceful, so I feel a bit more comfortable.. slowly, and gently, acclimatising.

I have a cleaning hour with my care agency on Tues, but I'm going to try and rearrange it if I can as there is a clay group I want to go to.

The sad thing of the day, was I took my friend alex to the psychiatrist this morning, he is getting a cpn but he doesn't want one. We went to a cafe afterwards, and he stormed away without telling me, then I got another of the texts that I have told him not to send, along the lines of his 'brain damage and brain inflammation and 'organs shutting down'.. I have told him til the cows come home he triggers my ICU sepsis trauma, but the messages keep coming..

I am going to have to cut contact with him, I can't take it any more. I swear he has Munchausen's Syndrome.. The psyc seemed to go along with it, at least I know he will have a care coordinator, and I have to let the friendship go for now, even though it sucks and is really painful, and I don't think I've ever cut contact with any friend before..I do feel very sad, but he doesn't seem to want to be around me any more anyway.. because I challenge him and he wants to have everyone rallying around him like he's got terminal illness, ad I can't and won't do that. I do feel really sad though , but it's got to be done. .:(

Torry_Quine

Faerie glad things went better today. It does sound that a break from your friend is needed for your health, they will still be getting support.

faerielight

Thanks guys Yes, it might not be forever,but I do need a break.. Calley.. well done on your win

Waves_and_Smiles

Crossing everything for you that you hear from your GP today MU.

Well done on the competition, Calley, and well done on Lego man! He sounds lovely so far!

I think a break from your friend would be a good idea, too Faerie. You know that he has help now so give him a little while to start to recover. I wanted to give one perspective about why he might act the way he does, because I used to do that. It doesn't mean you should continue to see him at all, but it might help you understand if we have similiar reasons

When I felt very emotionally triggered by something (such as going to see the mental health team for the first time) I would become overwhelmed with emotion. At the same time, I felt a lot of shame about what I was thinking and feeling, I felt it was stupid, and I was being weak and that everyone would leave me if they knew how pathetic I was. So I used to pretend something obviously bad had happened to me because I desperately needed someone to support me and take the pain away but I couldn't ask for it. I was terrified that if I told people the truth that they would hate me as much as I hated myself.

I often ended up in a push-pull situation, I was so afraid of being left that I would try to drive people away so that I controlled when they left because I couldn't stand the thought of being rejected. Then I would miss them terribly and become scared that they might never come back so would invent a dramatic lie to pull them back into my life. This pattern went on for years with the cause always being that I was just so scared of being abandoned. I have no excuses for my behaviour, it was very unfair to others and I regret it deeply. If I could talk to those people now all I could say was I am so sorry, I was so afraid and unwell but still I never had the right to treat you that way.

There are many embarrassing examples, throwing my bag over the wall and pretending I was mugged, pretending I might have many exotic life threatening diseases (I made a few up!), throwing buckets of water all over my carpet and pretending my flat was flooded to name a few. They all seemed to me to be legitimate reasons for me to ask for help and for people to comfort me, whereas my own shame, guilt and fear prevented me from reaching out to people for the true reasons. My real emotions never seemed 'bad enough' to me for me to need support, so I made up what I felt were worse ones.

Of course, my fantasies and embroidering of the facts eventually did the opposite of what I wanted, people discovered the lies and went away over and over again and sadly for me and them it took me a long time to learn that lesson. My teacher friend was the only one who didn't and years later when I told him the truth he said I always knew, but I would never have left you when you were in such pain. I adore him for that and it was far more than I feel I deserved.

This is why I am now brutally honest about what I feel and am experiencing (has anyone noticed that?:rotfl:). I still carry so much guilt from those days and the fact I outright lied to people that now I won't lie or exaggerate at all. Even talking about it here makes me want to dig a very deep hole for myself and never come out but it is possible to stop doing it, it is just very painful to do so when you have to face the reasons why you have done it in the first place.

Part of my healing was to realise that the reality of what I was feeling was enough, and what seemed to me to be pathetic actually really upset other people on my behalf and that they were able to sympathise with me very much. That was a huge shock, I had no idea that people wouldn't hate me for my emotions and instead of leaving me wanted very much to help me and could often relate to me. The lies were never necessary, people understood. I still struggle a bit with that today, I feel relief when someone says they, too would feel that way. I often think I am some weird, horrid person who everyone would run a mile from, the difference is now I take the risk and say what I feel anyway.

As I said, your friend may or may not be doing that, it is quite a common behaviour with BPD just because we always live in fear of being abandoned but it isn't exclusive to just BPD. It is just one possible perspective of why he invents illnesses and possibly other things to keep people close but pushes them away at the same time. Step back for a while and let him get the help he needs and then see if things are easier between you. It doesn't have to be forever but you do need to protect yourself and give him time to heal. He CAN change his behaviour if he is willing to face the pain of why he feels he needs to do it. I do end up writing some very honest posts to you, Faerie!

Pyxis

Thank you for that, WaS. As usual, very eloquent and to the point.