Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

Waves_and_Smiles

No one need ever apologise for having a problem with BIL, there is a reason I haven't seen him for 8 years and have nothing to do with him. Even being in the same room with him makes me very anxious to panic attack level which is why I avoid him completely. The nicest thing I can say is he is an aggressive alcoholic who acknowledges it but doesn't want treatment.

Due to his drinking and subsequent aggressive temper his life has been a catalogue of disasters for him and those around him but he has no wish to change anything. He has a child who has no contact with anyone in the family apart from me due to his temper and neglect which resulted in a court order banning him from contact. He has put Milliefleur in danger several times due to his neglect, he has given her the wrong medication which put her in hospital, been so drunk when she fell down a flight of stairs that he didn't notice resulting in her using her emergency alarm when he was only in the next room and he lost her once and we had to find her! He even managed to kill her budgie, the list goes on.

It is ridiculous that he is still getting carers allowance and I will tell my social worker that. He says he has a right to a life so cannot care for his mum anymore, what he means is he wants to sit at home getting drunk with his girlfriend who is also a heavy drinker. The only thing that concerns me but cannot be helped is if the carers allowance stops he will take even more money from his mum, she already buys him everything he needs plus alcohol. She has always enabled him because she loves him no matter what which is sweet but not the best solution for either of them. WaSp is incredibly loyal but even he doubts that he will stay in contact with him after Milliefleur dies.

I do worry about WaSp in all of this. Two years ago we were in a situation where he would spend the day doing everything for me and every night caring for his mum, driving back and forth between us every day. He would be with me between 11am-8pm and then go to her and help her wash, get her into bed and then do her housework and cook her meals for the next day. Milliefleur would wake at 5am which meant WaSp only got around 4 hours sleep. I still remember him crying because he was so exhausted and had nothing else to give. He was getting little rest and had no time for himself at all, nevermind the fact he was driving when incredibly tired. After 2 years of that he was becoming ill himself and my social worker was very clear to him that he needed to stop. He cannot go back to that, my needs aside he simply cannot do it for his own health.

Waves_and_Smiles

Boundaries are hard, aren't they Faerie? They are particularly difficult for those of us with BDP because often we didn't have parents who could successfully teach them to us as children. I had to be taught how to use them appropriately in therapy, I had no idea at all. It is fine for you to take your support worker to one side and say you felt a little hurt by the way she spoke to you. BPD makes one very sensitive to how others handle things, we have a terrible fear of criticism. The people at the centre will understand that so won't have a problem if you explain how it made you feel.

seven-day-weekend

Pyxis wrote: »

WaS, have been out, so haven't read all the replies yet, so apologies if I miss something.


My first reaction was extreme anger with BIL, which I know doesn't help much.
Does he still receive a Carer's allowance?
If so, :mad::mad::mad:


My next reaction is: Nooooooo! WaSp mustn't do that! He mustn't leave you for hours in end, and you mustn't say he can!
What WaSp has to weigh up is, who has the greater need of his time? An old lady who is lonely and wants company?
Or a partner who would be in serious risk of hurting herself or property if left alone for > four hours. Please, please, get WaSp to consider that.
Scenario 1: what could be the outcome if he didn't go to Mill?
Scenario 2: what could be the outcome if he left you more than four hours?
He has to weigh that up, and we both know the answer.


Have MiL's social workers said she can't be left alone?
Have your SWs said you can be left alone?

WaSp would be taking a great risk leaving you. Sorry to be blunt, but I am very, very concerned that this is even being considered again.

WaSp just has, HAS to explain this to MiL. He has to. She loves you. Does she realise what a risk WaSp would be taking?




Next. You must tell your social worker. Ok, even if MiL can't get any more carers, her SWs may be able to explain why WaSp can't be at her beck and call.
Plus I am fuming if BIL is getting carer's allowance and doing B....r all! So tell your social worker that, too.

.

I absolutely agree with this in every way and am glad that someone who is more of a regular here than me has said it. As well as the B-i-L, Millefleur is also being incredibly selfish and if your b-i-l won't step up will have to accept carers or sheltered housing (or being lonely).

shannonhill

Did you sit with him and talk about it all?

Pyxis

Woke up this morning with a chesty, throaty thing and feeling rough. It's been brewing all week but despite efforts to prevent it, here it is. Apologies if I don't post much.
Was supposed to be doing an AmDram thing tonight.:(


Will stay in bed with hot drinks, throat and nose sprays.

whitewing

I do sympathise with the cold symptoms. I fell asleep twice yesterday at work (in the staff room, while DH covered for me).

Pyxis

(Courtesy of Joansgirl).





The throat I can cope with, it's not too bad, the chestiness I can cope with, that's not too bad, but I just feel so rough.
Don't even want to post, so will go now.,

elsien

You know your memories gone up the Swanee when you're contemplating your front garden and can't decide whether someone's nicked a pot, or whether you just haven't got round to planting one yet.
Hope you feel better soon Pyxis. I'm off to Portugal on Tuesday. However the address parent has given me doesn't appear to exist on google maps so lord knows where we'll end up.

calleyw

Afternoon Campers,

Hugs and squishes and handshakes all round.

Its all rainy and gloomy and cloudy here today. And has been raining. And guess who wore a summer dress LOL!!! Ever the optimist. It is still warmish.

Well took SIL's present up today for her birthday tomorrow. My mum and me opted with my brother suggestion. A voucher for afternoon tea for 2 at the local very posh hotel.

And I came away with a present as well. A mug with a pink camper van on it. I already have one and I did not say anything. Its now in my VW cabinet.

Saw this picture and thought awwwwwww look at the eyes on that



Everyone have a good a day as you can.

Yours

Calley

Pyxis

Been in bed all day and missed the AmDram performance.,:(

So, Elsien, are you off to the Algarve part of Portugal?

Where's Gitdog going? "Holiday camp" or dog-sitter?