Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

dandy-candy

Beenthere_donethat ((hugs)). I've had health scares in the past and got terribly worried and down. My husband said to me "worrying won't change the outcome so don't worry about it" as if it's that easy to switch it off! :mad: I hope everything is ok, good luck with the results x

Penguin you might have read in the paper last week about 7 suicides being found at beachy head. I had been chatting at breakfast a few days ago about how shocking it is, only to find out today that one of them was a guy I knew. He was one of my sisters oldest friends, my husband and I had met at his birthday party 22 years ago. He came to our wedding and the fruit bowl sitting on my dining table was our wedding present from him. He was never "my" friend but we saw each other at the pub and bbqs and always chatted. He'd moved away about 18 years ago and I'd not heard anything of him until today. It's terribly sad, such an awful ending for someone who was a nice and gentle guypenguin end

Torry_Quine

My life is awful, actually its an existence not a life. I posted on the loneliness and the widows threads and some of the comments were so harsh and cruel.

I still cry loads every day and miss him so much.

I feel sick and anxious and my head aches.

elsien

I'm sorry you feel so bad, Torry.
I've not been in your position so have absolutely no inkling how you're feeling.
Just that it's still very early days, so just managing to get through is maybe all you can expect of yourself at times. Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to/get out with once in a while? You probably don't feel like it, but a change of scenery if just for a short while probably wouldn't hurt. Have you seen your GP at all? Just to see if there's anything local you're not aware of that might help.

I've not read those other threads, but am surprised at the widows one not feeling supportive.

calleyw

Torry,


Not sure if I suggested this before. But how about you call the Samaritans. There number is 116 123 you do not have to be suicidal to ring them.


They are there to listen to you 24/7


I know you miss your husband. I know its easy for me to say. But you do have to live on and have a life besides him.


You be kind to yourself


Yours


Calley x

Torry_Quine

Maybe in time I'll have a life but it just seems impossible just now. Not least because of my own health problems.

I have called Samaritans but it doesn't change anything, they can't take away my pain or help with the exhaustion. In the middle of the night though it can be good to hear a voice.

[Deleted User]

Nobody can take your pain away, Tory, but there are people here who will listen, without making harsh & cruel comments. Time does help, but grief affects us all differently - we weren't designed to suffer loss of our life's partner.

Think about the good times you had with your husband, the things you shared together over your time together. If you feel like talking to a person, maybe you have a trusted female friend that you can confide in? In times of great stress, I've personally found that prayer helps, but it's 'one-way' communication, and not something for discussion here.

Take care, and be assured that there are those here who empathise with your situation even though practically, we can't do much, only listen.

Torry_Quine

I can't think of the good times, it just acts as a reminder that they are gone forever. All I can remember is since he was ill and the hospital appointments.

Let's just say I'm very angry with God at the moment.

I can't begin to do anything but get through each day, it's a struggle to do all but the minimum.

coolcait

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I can't think of the good times, it just acts as a reminder that they are gone forever. All I can remember is since he was ill and the hospital appointments.

Let's just say I'm very angry with God at the moment.

I can't begin to do anything but get through each day, it's a struggle to do all but the minimum.

Hi Torry

I don't usually come on to this thread, but I saw your name as the latest poster and wondered how you were getting on.

You know I'm a blunt poster, so I hope you'll understand that I'm not good at this type of post, and forgive me if I do make a hash of it.

Your pain tears through your posts, and I wish that there was something that I - we, anyone - could do to make it go away.

I can't do that . But I can say this:

- getting though each day is a triumph in itself right now. Allow yourself to see it that way - you are doing everything you need to do to get through the day, and that's a huge achievement.

- of course you're angry with God right now. How could you not be? Tell Him straight - like Martha did - exactly how you feel. Don't hold back. It may make you feel better, it may not. It may help heal the relationship you had with Him, it may not. But you are allowed to tell Him how you feel.

- I haven't had the same type of bereavement you have had, but I have lost more than one close family member. I know why people tell you to 'try to think of the good memories', because that has helped me with the sudden bereavements. It works - for me - because there is nothing in between the good memories and the sudden loss. It doesn't work when the bereavement came after a period of illness and tests and treatments. I agree with you - in that situation, that's all you can remember at this stage, not the good memories.

- that all ties into feeling that you can't remember the good times because that just reminds you of what you have lost. Of course it does, at this stage. As time passes, it gets easier to remember what you had, in a comforting way, and it does help. You have to allow yourself time to mourn what you have lost before you can get to that stage. And time does help you learn how to deal with the grief and the loss.

The Samaritans are a great help, so are Cruse and many other organisations. Please call them whenever you need a listening ear.

If you'd rather talk to someone face to face, speak to the nurses who were treating your husband - they may have more contacts, and understanding than your GP. Speak to your GP too.

But above all, Torry, please remember that there are a lot of people here who have never met you, but who care about you - even if we don't always know what to say or how to say it:grouphug:

dandy-candy

Torry it's still very early days for you ((hugs)) When I got to the one year anniversary of my mum dying I was still crying everyday about it, it was only because I had 3 kids to care for that I had to "function" through my life and chores at that time. It seemed so cruel that the world just carried on as normal while I felt like a hole had been blown through me.
The internet has some lovely people but also some right s£&@s!, especially on multi topic sites like this.
There's a site called "No more panic" for anxiety and depression, it has a forum which might be worth you trying. I've not come across any mean comments or trolls there.
I can't remember, but did you ask your GP about bereavement counselling? Our local hospice does this, I went after mum died even though she hadn't been there when she passed. It might be worth finding out.

Torry_Quine

Another bad night compounded by an awful dream and I reached out for my husband but he's not there.
Thanks everyone. coolcait that makes sense about memories and ill try and remember that next time someone tells me to think of the good times.