Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3

[Deleted User]

I don't live an exciting life either. Sometimes, I do wish that I wouldn't wake up, but have no real thoughts of self harm!

I have all the body parts that really matter. My several physical and mental health problems are being medically managed reasonably well. I have a reasonable roof over my head, food & clothes, although I choose not to drive.
I believe that my wife does love me, and I love her too.

I hate that I struggle to 'do' things. I don't like that I'm often misunderstood. I don't know what my mental diagnosis is which also annoys me. Sometimes I do or say things that seem 'normal' to me at the time, later I cringe. I'm sensitive to how I am viewed, including by some posters (not on this thread) that clearly don't like me much.

Overall, the positive does outweigh the negative though, and I hope to be around smiling for a few more years.

I don't know any of you very well, but keep smiling, don't let life get to you, and one day things will be brighter!

jobbingmusician

I want to stay alive to see what will happen! I always feel sorry for people who didn't live to see the internet, mobile phones, or how much life has changed in the last 50 years. Sometimes I think of friends who have died (of old age, nothing to do with being anyone's fault) and feel sad that they never knew about..... whatever the thing is that I'm excited about at the time.

Pyxis

jobbingmusician wrote: »

I want to stay alive to see what will happen! I always feel sorry for people who didn't live to see the internet, mobile phones, or how much life has changed in the last 50 years. Sometimes I think of friends who have died (of old age, nothing to do with being anyone's fault) and feel sad that they never knew about..... whatever the thing is that I'm excited about at the time.

That's part of my reason, too! The feeling that I'd be missing out on something!


The other big, big part of my reason is because there's tons and tons and tons of stuff out there waiting for me to find out about! I'm always coming across little things that are fascinating, and things that I never knew before, plus things that expand on stuff I already know a bit about.

Then there are things that explain something that's been a bit puzzling, and other things that I never even knew were puzzling me until something I read or see opens my eyes!

It may be a pure fact......like yesterday, I found out that there's a bird chick in South America that mimics, in appearance and movements, a toxic caterpillar!

It might be something that makes me want to google it to find out more, or a word I want to know the meaning of, or its origins.

It might be a feeling or emotion that gives me a sudden revelation about human behaviour, or my own behaviour (a bit like realising some triggers).

It can be finding something I enjoy doing, that I'm not too bad at.....like a craft, or Amdram, etc There's so much out there to have a go at, and a dabble, and see what rocks my boat.

There are different foods to try!

There are a million places to visit, a whole world out there. Holidays abroad, yes, but also places in U.K. or just in England, or just in one's own county, or just in one's own town!

And it's also about tiny things that might make a little bit of difference to someone, like giving a stranger a smile, or complimenting the person ahead of you in the queue if they are wearing something you think is nice, or just exchanging a couple of friendly words with someone in a shop.
I love doing that, even when I'm feeling like total s**t, because the AmDram kicks in and I 'act' being happy.

So I suppose that all sums up as never needing to stop learning and discovering new stuff. Even just little things. And so easy these days with google.......you don't need a load of reference books, lovely though those are. There's so much super stuff out there! The world is a fabulous place, a real box of curiosities.




(I just now need to find an alternative word for 'stuff'! :rotfl: :rotfl:)

dekaspace

Pyxis wrote: »

I think it's also important to accept that relapses (in whatever you're trying to give up/cut down on/change) aren't failures.

Failure is a horrible word.

Relapses aren't failures, they are blips. It's a bit like a fuse blowing. You can reset the fuse just by flicking the switch at the fuse-box..... no harm done, no permanent damage. Ok you might need to change a light bulb, but we can live with that!

We blip all the time....... they only become really noticeable when we're aiming for something that is hard.

And a blip doesn't make a huge difference to the ulitimate goal, providing it is just a blip, and not a 're-set' back to past behaviours.


The other thing that is really, really helpful is finding out why the behaviour occurs, and that's not just realising that it's because eg, we're depressed about something, or had some bad news, etc.

When I was doing doing Dry January, which ending up being Dry 4.5 months!, one thing that suddenly occurred to me was that the reason I thought I liked certain alcoholic drinks was the fact that I liked the sensation on my tongue. Ok, yes, I liked the taste of certain drinks, but it was that sensation I missed. What I really, really didn't like was the alcoholic effect on me!

I also discovered what the main triggers were to the 'regular' drinking. I liked to sip something while cooking, which I find boring, and while watching TV after eating.

Anyway, I started searching for a substitute, and finally found one that gave me that buzz in the mouth, but wasn't full of calories, sugar or sweeteners!
So, that's what I drank when in a trigger situation, and it worked.
It's part of my weekly food order now!

I did have 4 drinks when on holiday, last month, and brought back a bottle which has all gone now, and had one bottle of my favourite beer last week, but that's all since January 1st.
Plus it reminded me that I really don't like the alcoholic effect!

The main issue with my depression, anxiety, weight gain, out of work is I am so emotionally fragile that the anxiety from a screw up feels worse than even attempting in first place, some mornings at college I woke up feeling I barely slept so I needed a extra hour or two sleep, that would mean I missed class and panic over getting told off, panic over how that meant I didn't have time to bond with classmates, panic how its happened so many times in past that instead I just gave up, or said don't worry theres always tomorrow only for me to either actually sleep in, have something like a bad cold, and then panic and think oh no its now going to be 2 days I missed I will get chucked out, even if I managed on day 3 to attend the anxiety over being told off would weigh on me.

Sleazy wrote: »

WaS, I use prescription strength codeine for pain & stiffness & sometimes to help me sleep, but not every day and never more than prescribed. Thank you for your experience.

Cocodamol at least the remaining prescription strength were the one thing that gives me a great nights sleep whilst despite a minor hangover feeling in the morning make me more alert so in other words the side effect of the codeine was nothing in comparison to how exhausted I felt waking up constantly during the night.


Still at most I was taking about 1 per week thats one tablet and not two tablets once a week and mid not highest strength.

jobbingmusician

I found this on Facebook today and I love it sooo much!

Waves_and_Smiles

I absolutely love that JM!

Thank you all so, so much! I can relate to your reasons for living and I already share some of them. As I read some of them I felt more optimistic about life, now I need a few I think up. Step by step I'll get there.

Deka, I totally empathise with your anxiety about failing. I have had that for 20 years and am just starting to get a grip on it. What is helping me is learning to separate myself from it. As i have often said I always thought I would end my life before I worked. That isn't being dramatic, I had made a decision to do that because the fear was so great. What helped me there was I realised that that isn't an ordinary thought. It had turned from anxiety into a phobia and therefore was a mental health problem. As soon as I started seeing it that way I was able to distance myself from it and see it as another symptom that needed treating rather than my true reality. I am not my anxiety and fear, I am so much more than that.

For me the answer was to do the very thing I feared and start work, basically face my phobia head on. No it wasn't easy, yes I cried and panicked but I did it and it is one of the biggest mental health victories I have ever had. You are not your fear and anxiety Deka, there is so much more to you. Try to tap into that, baby steps.

Pyxis

jobbingmusician wrote: »

I found this on Facebook today and I love it sooo much!

Yey! That's a good'un!


I dislike a lot of that 'positive' stuff because it seems rather naive, and a bit like fixing on a Stepford Wives smile.

I discovered that sometimes it is ok to feel s**t, and/or feel sorry for oneself and/or have a wallow.

And there are other times when you really don't want someone telling you all the 'but it could be' stuff.......... you just need some affirmation of how you are feeling. 'But it could be.......' implies that you are wrong to be feeling s**t, which makes you feel even more s**t!

Sometimes, please just agree that the glass is half-empty! :D:D

Pyxis

Here's an interesting piece of information I've just happened upon!................


What animal can clean its ears with its tongue? :D
It is also the only mammal that can lick its own ears!



I have penguined the answer, only so that you can think about it without a spoiler, if you want to.

The Okapi.

"The tongue of an okapi is long enough for the animal to wash its eyelids and clean its ears (inside and out); it is the only mammal that can lick its own ears".

End penguin.

calleyw

Morning my Lovelies,


Hugs and handshakes and squishes all round.


Penguin -just dont want to upset anyone



Last night I was sadden and upset to hear that an young ex colleague of mine as well as fighting cancer, Diganosed at 26 a couple of years ago, is now in ICU with sepsis and pneumonia.


She is one of the most lovely people you could ever meet. She has a lovely husband and a young child. More talent in her little finger than I have in the whole of my body.


This world can be so cruel sometimes.


Penguin ends



On a happier note the sun is shinning and I am using my new gadget today. A solar panel to charge up my kindle and things. Not hugely impressed so far, but it might be due to me trying to use it via my double glazed widows. Over the weekend will try it by leaving it on the dashboard of the car and see if its any better.


I need to get my skates on as need to shower and get out the door in about 30 mins.



Everyone have a good day


Yours


Calley x

[Deleted User]

Been quiet on this thread - is everyone ok?
I'm thinking that it's a good sign!

Me? For the first time in a while, I've had a desire to do something in the garden (hopefully today too), and feel better for it overall. A bit of satisfaction ....
Letters inside the house piling up even more, but I WILL start on them soon!

Diet is so-so. I know what I need to do and should do. It's just doing it!

Still whistling & singing as I go about my daily business, but overall fairly well behaved I think, and polite.

Take care all!