Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask for the deposit back from a cancelled hen do?

Former_MSE_Fraser Posts: 40 Forumite
This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I was invited to a friend's hen do even though we're not that close. She's just announced that her and the groom have separated, so it's no longer going ahead. I've already paid a £100 deposit to cover transport and accommodation but I could do with the money. Is it fair to ask her for it?
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  • Essex_Toppy
    Seems a bit unfeeling. It's unlikely that she will get the money back herself, so if she had to refund all the guests, this could amount to a considerable amount of money at a time when things are bad enough already. Chalk it up to experience.
  • balletshoes
    balletshoes Posts: 16,610 Forumite
    did you know any of the booking conditions when you paid your deposit ie in the event of a cancellation would the lead name on the booking be able to get any money back for the accommodation and transport? If its all non-refundable then I'd say no, you wouldn't be getting your £100 back.
  • lika_86
    lika_86 Posts: 1,779 Forumite
    Name Dropper First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Post
    Probably no right to get it back from the venue/hotel but the least your friend could do is offer to pay it back, she'll be saving money by not paying for the wedding at least!
  • fairy_lights
    fairy_lights Posts: 9,220 Forumite
    I would ask. Insensitive? maybe, but it was the brides choice to have an expensive hen-do and it was her choice to call of the wedding after deposits has already been paid.
    Or who knows, maybe the hen party could still go ahead but as a celebration of her new found singledom instead.
  • apesxx
    apesxx Posts: 583 Forumite
    If you can't get the money back could you not all go as a sort of girly weekend instead?
  • scotsbob
    scotsbob Posts: 4,632 Forumite
    She's probably down a few quid herself if she paid deposits for reception venue, photographer and all that stuff. Seems a bit harsh to ask for your money back.

    Alternatively, how about her engagement ring? She won't be using that so maybe she could punt it off on Ebay and raise some cash to stump up for lost deposits?
  • Brynsam
    Brynsam Posts: 3,643 Forumite
    First Anniversary Name Dropper Combo Breaker First Post
    Send her a note of sympathy (not too over the top - she may have been the one who called it off) and enquire tactfully along the lines of 'wondering what was happening to the deposits we've paid'. Why you'd stump up £100 you can ill afford for a hen party of someone you're not close to is beyond me...
  • pphillips
    pphillips Posts: 1,631 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post Name Dropper
    There is no harm in asking for the money back although legally your not entitled to as it doesn't appear that there is a contract between you and her. Alternatively, she has not been negligent in letting you pay towards travel and accommodation because she hadn't at that point decided to cancel it. The final point is that she doesn't seem to have taken out wedding insurance to cover the event that the wedding might not go ahead. Therefore there is not much you can do if she refuses.
  • AnneMary
    AnneMary Posts: 69 Forumite
    First Anniversary First Post
    Think of all the money you'll save by not going to the hen do and wedding: meals, drinks, wedding present, more drinks, wedding outfit, even more drinks, travel to the wedding. Weddings are expensive for guests too.
  • jgriggle
    jgriggle Posts: 165 Forumite
    Just phrase the question carefully. Rather than 'can I have my £100 back?' ask, 'are the deposits coming back?' or 'were the deposits refundable?'

    Although it depends on the circumstances of the split. If it was because the groom was caught with his trousers down go after him for the money. If it was the bride, go after her. Otherwise just put it down to experience.
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