Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask for the deposit back from a cancelled hen do?

gloriouslyhappy

MSE_Fraser wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks... I've already paid a £100 deposit to cover transport and accommodation but I could do with the money. Is it fair to ask her for it?

Is it fair to ask about a refund? Yes, I think it is a fair question, it all depends on how it's done. As others have said, you can be tactful, offer to help with the cancellation / refund process, you can ask if the hen event is still going ahead etc. It may be that partial deposits might be refunded by the providers, it may be the couple had wedding insurance which will cover all or some of it.

Keep in mind that with a down payment of £100, if the hen do goes ahead, it will cost a great deal more than the initial deposit!

Cap

There may be a chance that even though you gave her the deposit, she may In fact not have placed a hold for the car or hotel and it could just be sitting in her bank account..
But be tactful when you ask for the money back.
I dont know her personality so i dont know how she would react. Asking may come off as inconsiderate and cheap, so you should be prepared for your name to be dragged through the dirt to everyone.

Failing that, i assume you already put sufficient money aside for the hun-do and have already booked the days off from work. Just continue with the trip with everyone and hava great few days out :beer:

Jagraf

How can you need the money if you have already allocated it for the hen do? If she got the money back she would have said ( hopefully) and if she hasn't do you want her to give everyone back their deposit out of her own money?

When people get divorced do you ask for your wedding gift back?

You paid a deposit. That's what a deposit it.

onlyroz

If £100 was just the deposit I'd consider myself to have had a lucky escape. But I probably wouldn't have agreed to go on such an expensive trip in the first place. Since when did it become normal to expect your mates to fork out several hundred ££££ for these little jollies, and what's wrong with a night out at a restaurant or bar?

Pollycat

avogadro wrote: »

I think it gets posted on Twitter, which would attract a wider audience. (There are much stranger first-time posts by new user-names on this board!)

Ah!
That may explain the lack of detail included in all these 'Money moral dilemmas' (as I undestand you're limited in the number of characters on Twitter).

gaving7095

£100 is one heck of a deposit so there's no way I would kiss that goodbye, so I agree with Tain - still going on the hen do is a really fantastic idea - now it's just a holiday / fun trip away :-)

Still go even if the ex-bride-to-be doesn't want to go!
If she can't give or get back the deposits, she should just ensure that anybody who wants to still go "can" go.

Big LOL @ Scotsbob (thanks :-)) re: sell her engagement ring which she "won't need", good one :-)

The ex-bride may well not be able to get the deposits back, but she chose the (expensive, from the sound of it) venue / activity and also she has some responsibility for a failed relationship which - what? - is "OK" to lead to financial loss for all of her closest friends? I think not.

So, in the worst case scenario, it's a learning experience all-round :-)

Jay1b

scotsbob wrote: »

Alternatively, how about her engagement ring? She won't be using that so maybe she could punt it off on Ebay and raise some cash to stump up for lost deposits?

The engagement ring should go back to the guy that gave it to her.

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1) As others have suggested see if you can turn it into a girlie weekend

2) Speak to other girls who have paid to see what they're doing

3) Work out whether the brides friendship is worth £100, if so don't ask for it back. If not then why pay so much for a deposit to go on her hen do in the first place?

Also depend on why they split up, if she was sleeping with her bf's best friend behind his back then its different to if he was sleeping with her best friend.

sugarbaby125

Do not ask her back for your deposit money. I was in a similar position once and lost over £95 in non refundable deposits. I was invited to a colleague's Wedding and all day 'Hen night'. After I had paid the initial deposit, the Bride to be changed the Hen night to an all day series of events. I willingly bowed out of the added expense of these extra activities when I learned that my colleague was not inviting me to her Wedding after all. I was glad to save myself hundreds of pounds that I could ill afford to spend.

Pollycat

sugarbaby125 wrote: »

Do not ask her back for your deposit money. I was in a similar position once and lost over £95 in non refundable deposits. I was invited to a colleague's Wedding and all day 'Hen night'. After I had paid the initial deposit, the Bride to be changed the Hen night to an all day series of events. I willingly bowed out of the added expense of these extra activities when I learned that my colleague was not inviting me to her Wedding after all. I was glad to save myself hundreds of pounds that I could ill afford to spend.

In those circumstances, I would have made the bride-to-be very much aware that I was not happy at all to have paid a deposit for something that had then been changed.

sugarbaby125

Pollycat wrote: »

In those circumstances, I would have made the bride-to-be very much aware that I was not happy at all to have paid a deposit for something that had then been changed.

We only worked in Childcare so none of us were well paid. The rest of my colleagues went along with Brunch in a Covent Garden Cafe followed by a show in the West End then onto an overnight stay in a 4* Hotel complete with a 3 course dinner and spa treatments. The Wedding then took place 2 weeks later on The Isle of Wight. A change of venue as originally the Wedding was to take place in London where we all lived. The Bride to be did attempt to get my deposit refunded, but was unsuccessful I did not feel I lost out, as attending the all day Hen night cost my colleagues hundreds each, not to mention their spending on attending the Wedding. I was happy just to see the photos.