Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask for the deposit back from a cancelled hen do?

natxxx1

Well maybe have a cuppa and a chat and find out. Be tactful, maybe she has insurance or will get the deposits back if the original arrangements are filled by someone else (I've had deposits back when and if they can rebook rooms to someone else) failing that maybe you could all just go anyway and have some girly time?! Drink and a chat is definitely the best way forward, maybe with the other hens too since you are not close?

crmism

These types of occasions are getting out of hand, in my view. Whereas once they were celebrated at home or in a local pub at minimal cost, everything has escalated to a point where the outlay is simply not justified, as in this unfortunate instance, where the relationship can only have been transient at best. Yes, you should certainly ask your friend to cough up, and make a mental note to choose them more carefully, especially if £100 really means a lot to you.

belfastgirl23

Surely if you couldn't afford to spend this money then you wouldn't have put the deposit down in the first place?

If you know that cancelling the wedding was entirely her call (unprompted by anything the groom did) then you probably could ask, carefully. If you know she's having a tough time then it would be a pretty rotten thing to do. Also you need to be aware that if she is part of a wider friendship group, even if you aren't that close to her personally, asking for this money back is most likely going to cause gossip and not in a good way. Odds are you will cause offence by asking this - the question is whether you care.

You're viewing this as something done to you but in the end you made the decision to go on this hen do so you bear some responsibility too.

Personally I would never ask for the money back in these circumstances - though I might ask if the ex B2B would still like to go away for the weekend with her friends.

mrE

If you were a true friend you would swallow the cost. Its seems a bit inconsiderate to be asking for money when she has had a major upset in her life. Think about it the other way around.

Serena03

I would say talk to her about it, perhaps suggest that she might want her deposit back too and if you can sort it out (she might be relieved for the help) - if she can give you the details of the transport/accommodation provider then you can find out - get your deposit back and be a helpful and tactful friend at the same time? Good luck!

Pollycat

mrE wrote: »

If you were a true friend you would swallow the cost. Its seems a bit inconsiderate to be asking for money when she has had a major upset in her life. Think about it the other way around.

We don't actually know if she's had a major upset in her life (as with most of these 'money moral dilemmas', it's sadly lacking in detail) - she may be the one who decided to end the relationship. This is all it says:

MSE_Fraser wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

I was invited to a friend's hen do even though we're not that close. She's just announced that her and the groom have separated, so it's no longer going ahead. I've already paid a £100 deposit to cover transport and accommodation but I could do with the money. Is it fair to ask her for it?

She may even have met someone else and be ecstatically happy.

Sapper192

Yes its not your fault

tallgirld

It depends on whether she will be refunded for the cancellation.


I would ask though. You could just casually say "Oh goshhh i'm so sorry to hear that things didn't work out. Soooo the hen night deposits what's happening with that? Are we still going for a girly holiday orrrr will refunds be issued?"

Person_one

tallgirld wrote: »

It depends on whether she will be refunded for the cancellation.


I would ask though. You could just casually say "Oh goshhh i'm so sorry to hear that things didn't work out. Soooo the hen night deposits what's happening with that? Are we still going for a girly holiday orrrr will refunds be issued?"

Very sensitive and subtle! :rotfl:

Its simple (if its real). If the deposits are refundable then you all get the money back. If they aren't, you don't. That's how deposits work...

Once again a 'moral' dilemma that doesn't seem to have any 'moral' dimension to it whatsoever, thanks MSE team!

SunshineTheWerewolf

Asking for a refund when your friend is at her lowest is pretty harsh. She's already going to be very out of pocket from having to cancel the venue, dress, etc. By the very nature of deposits I think it's unlikely she'd receive a refund, so you'll essentially be making her feel like she has to refund £100 per person when she's already suffering in a big way financially. It doesn't matter if you're close or not - do the decent thing and give her a break.
Or as other people have suggested, see if she will go away anyway.