Is it okay to ask for same-sex relationship advice here?

Teddi

I am a gay. My wife is bisexual. My family are devout catholics and hers are just nutty.


I tell you this as someone who has gone through it. Don't make a big deal, if you have a big sit down and speech, everyone will see it as bigger than it is, slip it into conversation and just carry on with your life.


Those who love you will accept and those who don't never really loved you. They loved the life they had planned for you.


My wifes father was always going to be the worst, he is much older than her mother and my parents (my wife is 24, he is 70) as he had made a lot of pretty nasty comments about gay people very regularly. He accepted it immediately and said he could see she was the happiest she had ever been.


He would have gone mental at a character on tv and refused to watch the show anymore.


Just live your life and be happy. I don't speak to most of my cousins or aunts and uncles and I am fine with that, it hurt at first but I don't want stupid, hurtful people in my life anyway. My mum and dad both accepted it, they will tell you it might just be a phase, that is parents way of coping initially, just ignore it and have lots of fun until they just accept your happiness.

12_month_challenge

Teddi wrote: »

Those who love you will accept and those who don't never really loved you. They loved the life they had planned for you.

Totally agree Remember

Those that matter, don't mind
Those that mind, don't matter

x

Lambyr

Heya.

Mayflower, I'm so sorry to hear that your friend had that experience with her mother. It must have been really terrible and difficult for her.

I can relate to what you say... my friend and I have always been very touchy-feely. It's a pretty common sight to see us basically spooning on the sofa when watching a movie together. We've been that way since we were young... it's natural for us and nobody, including my mother has ever batted an eyelid at it. Same with other things like sharing a bed. Funny thing actually... first time she stopped over since we started our current thing which was the first time she had stayed the night in about eight or nine months, my mum just said "I hope you cleared the crap off your bed first"... I may have a habit of leaving things like my laptop and a few other things on there!

I'm glad to say I do have a pretty good relationship with my mum. I think we kinda frustrate each other sometimes but that's to be expected I guess. She's generally been supportive of things I've wanted to do.

Thanks for sharing your experiences and advice Teddi. Happy to hear your father was OK with everything. I'd definitely prefer not to have to do a big speech... I know even if she accepted it she'd probably have questions.

But first I should know for sure where my friend stands on all this, so tonight... probably after dinner since I don't want it to get awkward!.. I think I best grow a spine and talk to her about it.

Loz01

Are you sure your Mum doesn't know, OP? I know you think she is ignorant to the situation but people are more perceptive than you think sometimes, maybe she suspects you and your friend are together and she just isn't sure so doesn't bring it up? As for your friend, you only live once, as the kids say these days... whatever the outcome, you'll feel better if you just speak openly and truthfully.

Lambyr

It might be possible mum coulda worked something out... I can't say for absolute certainty that she hasn't. Outwardly there's been no real change in my friend and my behaviour towards each other that I think would tip her off but maybe she may have noted the increased time we're spending together? But even that might not mean too much to her... there's been times in the past where my friend has spent a lot more time here for a while.

Course mum has noticed and commented on the extra effort I've put in for tonight but I just kinda brushed it off that I wanted to treat my friend and thank her for what she did for me last week... which is close to being the truth, just not quite all of it. So I dunno... I suppose maybe she might be thinking something and I guess it's possible that my demeanour may have changed in a way I'm not aware of myself?

Lambyr

Heya. Sorry for the bump but thought I'd follow up.

I now officially have a girlfriend!

We had quite a long talk on Saturday night over a bottle of wine. She told me that she did want to move beyond just a casual thing but also that she didn't want to rush anything. She said that it'd had taken us 15 years to get where we are now and she didn't see any reason to push things too quickly and to make sure it can work. She agreed with me that we can't allow what we're doing to ruin our friendship since we've been best friends since school. Apparently she'd planned to tell me how she felt in a couple of weeks since we won't be seeing each other this week cos of her job.

She also said that long-term she would like us to be open with our parents. She's told her sister and brother but not her parents yet and she thinks its something we should plan to do around the same time when it feels the right time, which makes sense to me, and that we should have a proper talk about how we're gonna do it. She's not had a committed relationship with a woman before so she's never brought up her sexuality to her parents so it's new for both of us.

As for my extended family, she said she understands why it's best if they don't know. She said she'll still be OK coming to any family events for support if I want her to since they're not too regular and she won't think that I'm ashamed of her or myself... she even said that my safety was a concern to her, so I dunno, I guess she's picked up on their views as well.

And that's about it for now. So I know I'm in a committed relationship, which is progress! I guess there's much more talking and planning to be done in the future but at least I don't have the worry that my feelings are stronger than hers!

onomatopoeia99

That's so lovely to hear , thank you for updating us.

Omollmeg

You sound very sweet, however life is too short.
If this friend is the one that is always there, makes you smile and you enjoy each others company then I don't think it's about being straight or gay I think it's about the person you love and it sounds like that's what you both have.
Be happy:)

first78

Hi Lambyr, I'm afraid I haven't read all the posts on this thread but I wanted to stop by and offer my support.

I'm a lesbian and have been with my wife for 16 years now. My parents were fairly accepting when I cam out to them aged 19, my wife's parents were less accepting...it took a good 6 years before her mum accepted me, but she got there eventually!

We now have two beautiful children together, aged 1 &2 and I wouldn't have my life any other way.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that people don't always accept difference, sometimes it takes a while for them to come round, other times they may surprise you. I'm in my 30s, like you and I never expected to be able to have a family with a partner of the same sex, but here we are!

If you want to PM me anytime please feel free. X

smallholdingsister

OP check out Captain Awkward's blog for brilliant, inclusive advice.