Is it okay to ask for same-sex relationship advice here?

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Don't you ever EVER feel ashamed or not good enough! Your family is as they are. Live your life, do what you want to do and be happy. Life is incredibly short (look at how far you've come already in the ol' life span sort of thing) and don't waste another minute not being happy and being Y O U.

I can imagine 9 out of 10 people who are gay or bi or just different feel very similar before they come out or let the world know who they really are. You're not alone, the first and definitely not the last.

Please do what makes you happy xx

PeacefulWaters

Knowing other people know who you really are is quite a liberating experience.

Be brave. Give others time to adjust.

I think you'll come out of this so much happier.

tea_lover

This may be a slightly random comment but I just wanted you to know that there are many, many Christians who couldn't give a monkeys (in a good way) about sexual orientation. I've been an active churchgoer for most of my life (I'm late 30s), in a variety of towns and a variety of churches. Hand on heart I have never heard an anti-gay comment from anyone I've known there.

I know the church gets a bad press, and it's always the more vocal people that make themselves heard.... but most of us are just happy when someone else is happy.

The church I attend now doesn't bat an eyelid at same sex couples. If we were legally able to we'd carry out same sex weddings - and we're pretty hopeful that won't be too far away.

Take care xx

d70cw6

sounds a bit gay tbh

TBagpuss

I know it's not the same thing as her own daughter but at least if she suddenly turns hostile towards her I'll know that it may mean my own thing would be a problem for her and then if/when I approached it I'd have to really think how I was gonna do it... but if she's not and maybe if I even just flat out asked her about what she thought about it then maybe I'll feel a little less frightened and be able to open up sooner? I dunno. Might be a stupid idea but it was just a thought I had. I just need some indication this isn't going to mess up everything.]

You are rigjht that it is not the same thing, but it might be a way for you to break the ice on the issue with her. If she is very hostile then you may be able to point out things such as that the person is still the same person that she liked / admired.

also, talk to your friend. In a worst-case scenario, if you told your mum and she will not accept you, would you be able to stay with your friend for a few days?

Another thought - although you mention that your mum isn't a member of the same church as the most intolerant members of the family, is hse a member of *a* church? If so, it might be wirth checking on what her own church's position regarding gay people is - if they are accepting, then it might be worth speaking to the vicar to see whether she or she would be willing to speak to your mum if she is unwilling to accept you. (obviously, whether this would help at all depends on how much weight your mum gives to her religion, but it is worth considering if that is a factor in her attitudes)

GlasweJen

Do you have to come out to the family? Get mum on side and tell her you're bi and have a girl friend and you're happy, mums tend to be happy if their kids are happy.

I wouldn't bother coming out to the rest, it's not like straight people have to"come out", I'd just pitch up places with your girl friend and act like a normal couple. They'd need to be pretty narrow minded to shun a disabled lady because her daughter held another womans hand at a wedding.

Let's face it, we're in britain. People don't walk around wedding receptions with their tongues down their partners throat, gay or straight. You're unlikely to be having sex in front of them so what do they have to judge?

Lambyr

Yes thank you d70cw6... I am a bit gay. Glad you caught that. Wasn't sure if I'd been a bit too vague!

And thank you to everyone else. Sorry again for the late reply but I've been a bit busy today.

Regarding churches... I do understand a lot/most(?) Christians don't care too much. I know a few Christians who do not really seem to care one way or the other.

My mum isn't a member of any particular church. I think she's just a general Christian if that makes sense? She went to a Methodist church for a while like I said but I think that was because it was close to us. She hasn't been to church for many years now though as it hasn't been possible for her due to her condition. She did strike up a bit of a rapport with the vicar at the Methodist church. It's been so long since she went though I don't know whether he'd still be there. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to phone and ask though I would feel a bit of a fraud for doing it not being a Christian.

I don't think it would be possible to stay with my friend right now... It's not fair of me to say too much about it but her home life is a bit difficult at the moment.

I can imagine my family being that narrow minded and not letting it drop. I honestly believe it'll be a case of she comes with me to things and pretends we're friends or she doesn't come... and I think both situations are me being pretty crappy to her. Though I will admit when the choice is mine I'm happy to not go to these things anyway and do get out of as many as I can. I usually only have to go when there is nobody else to look after my mum that I have to be there or obviously when they come here.

Mojisola

Lambyr wrote: »

I can imagine my family being that narrow minded and not letting it drop. I honestly believe it'll be a case of she comes with me to things and pretends we're friends or she doesn't come... and I think both situations are me being pretty crappy to her.

Though I will admit when the choice is mine I'm happy to not go to these things anyway and do get out of as many as I can. I usually only have to go when there is nobody else to look after my mum that I have to be there or obviously when they come here.

Your GF might be happy with this arrangement - you don't go to events with the unpleasant family when you don't need to; when you need to go as your mother's carer, you and your mother go and your GF stays away.

If I was your GF, I would see that as a sensible compromise.

Lambyr

Yeah maybe that'd work. I don't think she'd be too bothered not going. I know before she's only gone with me to these things so I have someone to talk to!

I guess one thing I realised over the last couple of days since I started blabbering away is how much I want this to work. Bit difficult for me knowing I'm gonna have to be a lot more open than I've ever been. hehe now I hope I'm not wrong about her feelings for me!

Mayflower10cat

Speaking as a straight woman with two very dear female friends who are in a civil partnership. One is my very lovely best friend from school back 36 years ago. She told me that being a lesbian is very easy to 'hide' from parents as she did it for 40 years. Having female friends over to stay, in the same bed, raises no eyebrows with elderly parents. Holding hands and hugging, again, nothing odd there. Women tend to be more touchy/feely with their friends than men so it passes under the radar. That's how my friend conducted her love life!

My friend hid her sexuality from her Mum (her Dad died far too young) as long as she could. She ended up being her Mum's carer as her Mum lapsed into alcoholism, and also died before her time. Her Mum never accepted her sexuality and abused and insulted my friend until the day she died.


My friend did what she had to do; her Mum was a bigot and a control freak.


I'm only telling you this as, life is too short to live a lie. Those who love you, truly love you, will never leave you, or disparage you. (Not like my friend's Mum. Who was a very selfish woman.)


I wish you the very best. And also to the woman you love, may you be very happy.