what is emotional abuse?

Guest101

merlin68 wrote: »

It was me that wanted to go home not him, i told him to stop before he ploughed into another car that he didn't see.
Hardly abuse.
When it would be down to me to pay the £200 excess.
So you'd just sail into another car because its your right of way regardless.

To be technical, in your words (so i take with a pinch of salt) - you screamed at him and then pulled him up on the incident..

An incident that was not his fault at all.

You would not pay any excess, as it was the other drivers fault, had you crashed.

No i would not 'sail' into another car, but you should have supported him and said, "yes that other driver was clearly in the wrong, the moron...." - having a go at him about the incident, thats emotuional abuse! you might not like what ive said, doesnt make it any less true

Pollycat

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Getting caught in the pedantics of a he said/she said traffic incident isnt really helping the op get to the bottom of the core relationship issues.

Maybe not - but I do think it is helping posters understand a little of the OP's relationship with her OH.

merlin68 wrote: »

It was me that wanted to go home not him, i told him to stop before he ploughed into another car that he didn't see.
Hardly abuse.
When it would be down to me to pay the £200 excess.
So you'd just sail into another car because its your right of way regardless.

But he might have seen it before he 'ploughed into' the car.
You can't know that he would have crashed.

The OP' started this thread with a complaint about her OH being 'found out mainly for lying'.
Given the description of the 'near miss' and subsequent explanation of what actually happened, I'm beginning to wonder if the OP's OH tells lies to avoid more confrontation with her.

I posted this yesterday but the OP hasn't answered:

Pollycat wrote: »

If you do determine your partner is emotionally abusing you, considering the above that you posted yesterday, where do you go from here?

Are you looking for something to throw back at him when he is abusing you? i.e. "You are emotionally abusing me!".
Or wanting ammunition to be able to throw him out of the house?
Is there someone else who could be your carer instead of your partner?

It really does sound a desperate and fraught situation for you both - not to mention your daughter.

I'm not sure if the OP is just looking to unload her issues to get it off her chest or if she is really looking for a way forward out of this relationship.

To me, this relationship sounds very unhappy on both sides.

merlin68

I wanted to unload, cant do anything about it anyway.
Cant afford £600 for a divorce and he'd still be living here even if i did.
He said he wouldn't sign so would have to wait 5 years.
Same as i can't move out.
All houses i looked at were at least £50 over the lha amount and i haven't got a guarantor.
Plus i need an adapted house, which this is.

missbiggles1

Marriage guidance with Relate?

merlin68

We do have a joint claim. Tom Tom. Its just i sort all the bills and paperwork out because he cant read or write.
He can't be trusted with money, he keeps his carers allowance.
I spent 5 years going with out to pay his debts of, then he did it again and i advised him to go bankrupt, i couldn't go through it again.
I told him im not paying £80 for his sky package anymore either.
Can do the post office for £30 month with no tv.
At least he can't get into anymore debt for 6 years.
His slowly learning now that if you can't afford a car on 18% finance you can't have it.
Thats why we got my car as his went in the bankruptcy
I doubt i'll keep car on transfer to pip as the walking distance has been reduced.

Pollycat

merlin68 wrote: »

I wanted to unload, cant do anything about it anyway.
Cant afford £600 for a divorce and he'd still be living here even if i did.
He said he wouldn't sign so would have to wait 5 years.
Same as i can't move out.
All houses i looked at were at least £50 over the lha amount and i haven't got a guarantor.
Plus i need an adapted house, which this is.

OK, just carry on then and we'll listen.

Any mileage in missbiggles' suggestion re counselling?

merlin68

I looke dinto it but you have to pay unless anyone knows any different.

Pollycat

merlin68 wrote: »

I looke dinto it but you have to pay unless anyone knows any different.

This link says it's free under NHS:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Counselling/Pages/Introduction.aspx

If you're referred for counselling or another psychological therapy through the NHS, it will be free of charge.

When you looked into it, where did you look?
Did you speak to your GP about the possibility of counselling?

Does your GP know about the situation at home?

missbiggles1

merlin68 wrote: »

I looke dinto it but you have to pay unless anyone knows any different.

Wouldn't that be money well spent?

If you think not, they do offer a free live chat facility.

http://www.relate.org.uk/about-us/faqs/how-much-does-counselling-cost

tomtontom

merlin68 wrote: »

We do have a joint claim. Tom Tom. Its just i sort all the bills and paperwork out because he cant read or write.
He can't be trusted with money, he keeps his carers allowance.
I spent 5 years going with out to pay his debts of, then he did it again and i advised him to go bankrupt, i couldn't go through it again.
I told him im not paying £80 for his sky package anymore either.
Can do the post office for £30 month with no tv.
At least he can't get into anymore debt for 6 years.
His slowly learning now that if you can't afford a car on 18% finance you can't have it.
Thats why we got my car as his went in the bankruptcy
I doubt i'll keep car on transfer to pip as the walking distance has been reduced.

Maybe stop telling him and start talking with him?

Sounds like a miserable existence for both of you, and the children. As others suggest, go for counselling before one of you really snaps.