what is emotional abuse?

carefullycautious

Of course it is emotional abuse if he is controlling you by threatening to kill himself etc.


As you have a disability you would be classed as a vulnerable adult.


If what he is doing is worrying you enough to come onto a public forum maybe you need an advocate to help you.


Read this


http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/article/30098611/emotional-abuse-to-become-illegal-under-new-domestic-abuse-law

ecgirl07

This in itself, may or may not be emotional abuse, only you can tell in the context of your relationship.

You could try talking to him about "appropriate responses" to situations ie get caught lying appropriate response: own up and move forward trying to stop lying at best, at worse huff like a toddler. Threatening suicide is never an appropriate response, threatening to walk out -only in exstreme situations.

Mojisola

merlin68 wrote: »

He lies about everything, its normally when i pull him up on lying then he tries to deny it, even though his caught out, of face book by other people he swears blind he hasnt done it.

One thing i cant stand is lying.

But you are putting up with it so he is going to keep on doing it.

[Deleted User]

Primrose wrote: »

Certainly aounds like emotional blackmail.

Is emotional blackmail the same as emotional abuse? To me they are different - the emotional blackmailer is 'needy' and crying out for help (which may be why they rarely carry out their threats). The emotional abuser on the other hand wants to cause distress to the recipient don't they? :undecided

:think: Or have I got this completely wrong ?????

PeacefulWaters

Emotional blackmail is a form of controlling behaviour. It is emotional abuse.

merlin68

When ive pulled him up on what his said as being emotional abuse his denied his even said it.
You tend to only see abuse as violence. Thank you.
We had an incident in the car today, He never saw a car pull out so i had to scream at him to stop and the other driver waved his arms and swore and when i pulled him up, he took his hands of the wheel and said this is dangerous driving and it was the other drivers fault.
So we got to the cafe and he went into order the meal and i said i felt like going home after nearly being in a car accident, i was in shock and shaky and he was like well im not having nothing im dropping you and going home.
Luckily they had nothing i could eat so home it was.
No was could i sit and eat a meal like that.

missbiggles1

merlin68 wrote: »

When ive pulled him up on what his said as being emotional abuse his denied his even said it.
You tend to only see abuse as violence. Thank you.
We had an incident in the car today, He never saw a car pull out so i had to scream at him to stop and the other driver waved his arms and swore and when i pulled him up, he took his hands of the wheel and said this is dangerous driving and it was the other drivers fault.
So we got to the cafe and he went into order the meal and i said i felt like going home after nearly being in a car accident, i was in shock and shaky and he was like well im not having nothing im dropping you and going home.
Luckily they had nothing i could eat so home it was.
No was could i sit and eat a meal like that.

Actually, that sounds a bit manipulative, I'm afraid.

Ames

merlin68 wrote: »

When ive pulled him up on what his said as being emotional abuse his denied his even said it.
You tend to only see abuse as violence. Thank you.
We had an incident in the car today, He never saw a car pull out so i had to scream at him to stop and the other driver waved his arms and swore and when i pulled him up, he took his hands of the wheel and said this is dangerous driving and it was the other drivers fault.
So we got to the cafe and he went into order the meal and i said i felt like going home after nearly being in a car accident, i was in shock and shaky and he was like well im not having nothing im dropping you and going home.
Luckily they had nothing i could eat so home it was.
No was could i sit and eat a meal like that.

That's called gaslighting. Convincing you your memory of an event is wrong.

I've done a little bit of training on abuse over the last few years, and there's always been a big emphasis that it's not only physical or sexual, emotional abuse and neglect are just as important. So if you spoke to someone like Women's Aid or CAB it will be taken seriously.

PeacefulWaters

how many of these can you tick off as happening?


#1 You’re scared. Your partner’s behavior scares you. You’re afraid to ask for things or tell them something because you just don’t know how they would react.

#2 Incessant lectures. Your partner constantly tells you how you’re so flawed and how you still need to improve in so many ways. But instead of trying to help you, they point your flaws out and behave like you’re a lost cause who can’t be helped because you’re too weak or dumb. [Read: The power of words and how it can make or break your relationship]

#3 Painful comparisons. Your partner constantly compares you, either with your more prettier or successful friends, and tells you how much better than you they are. Your partner may even be subtle and point out to celebrities and tell you how they’re so much more attractive than you.

#4 Constant confusions. Your partner yells at you often. But when you try to argue back or prove that you’re right, they may even get down on their knees or humiliate themselves just to apologize to you and win your affection back.

#5 You get blamed for no fault. Your partner blames you for no fault of yours. They blame you for your friend’s behavior, for the way the kids are, your friend’s divorce, or just about anything else. Sometimes, your partner may even hear about something on the television and yell at you because they’re !!!!ed off!

#6 Possessive jealousy. Your partner always has something negative to say about your friends, especially if they’re of the opposite sex. Your partner hates it when you get phone calls from your friends and sometimes even asks you to hang up the phone. They just don’t like it when you have an active social life. [Read: 15 subtle and shocking signs of a controlling boyfriend]

#7 Your self esteem is crippled. Your partner constantly tells you how bad or worthless you are, and gets angry with you because you’re always relying on them. But even when you try to do something yourself, they tell you you’re not capable of making decisions and make you feel dumb all the time.

#8 Two faced personality. Your partner’s behavior and attitude confuses you. At times, they may be extremely loving and caring. And at other times, they’re really mean and hurtful. You just can’t predict how they’ll react to anything you do.

#9 The sadist inside. Your partner feels better about themselves when they point out your flaws or criticize you. They may be more jovial or happy on days when you’re overworking or stressed because of your own mistakes.

#10 The humiliation. Your partner humiliates you or makes nasty remarks, especially around your friends or people who admire you.

#11 Big demands. They set unreasonable expectations and make big demands from you, secretly hoping you’d fail so they can say ‘I told you so!’ [Read: 18 critical signs of an unhealthy relationship]

#12 Sexual manipulation. Your partner emotionally manipulates you into sexual activities you don’t like. They may even emotionally armtwist you by saying things like “Other girls/guys do it! Why can’t you?”

#13 Big confessions. Your partner shares their problems with everyone who listens. But if you confess any of your problems, especially about the relationship, to your friends or family, your partner would get very upset with you.

#14 Turning everyone against you. This is a sneaky trick that emotionally abusive partners use to gain advantage and leave you feeling helpless. Your partner may constantly crib about how difficult or dumb you are to everyone, including your friends, your family and even your kids. Your partner may even give biased examples just to convince everyone else and turn them against you so no one would take your side against theirs.

#15 The silent treatment. If you stand up for something or try to take control of the situation, your partner may walk away in a huff and give you the silent treatment. An emotionally abusive partner works on guilt, and they hate giving power away in a relationship. Your partner may just ignore you until you apologize for opposing their decision! [Read: How to perfect the silent treatment in a relationship]

#16 Physically abusive. Sometimes, your partner may resort to physical abuse like a slap, a painful pinch or even a threatening gesture just to scare you into submission when you oppose them for anything.

#17 You’re not allowed to think. Emotionally abusive lovers take pleasure in taking full control of the relationship. They’d manipulate you one step at a time until you lose all confidence in your judgment. You convince yourself that you are not capable of taking any decisions yourself, without your partner’s guidance.

#18 Isolation and dependence. Initially, your partner may tell you they don’t like your friends or a particular family member. Soon, they may tell you to avoid that particular person. And before you realize it, your partner may carefully isolate you from everyone who was once close to you. And one fine day, you’d see that the only person you can go to for help or depend on is your partner.

#19 Emotional memories. Your partner constantly reminds you of all the times you’ve screwed up each time there’s an argument or a discussion. They constantly bring up your failures or the mistakes you’ve made in your life to reinforce the idea that you depend on your partner and can’t survive by yourself without their help and guidance in life. [Read: A guide to fighting fair in a relationship]

#20 Your achievements don’t matter. Your partner glorifies even the smallest of their achievements and proudly brags about it. But on the other hand, no matter what you achieve or do, your partner always mocks your achievements and makes you feel silly for celebrating it.

#21 Denial. Even when you point out their emotionally abusive ways, your partner doesn’t accept their emotionally abusive ways as a flaw. Instead, they convince themselves and try to convince you that they’re doing all this only to help you become a better person and stand on your own feet.

Guest101

merlin68 wrote: »

When ive pulled him up on what his said as being emotional abuse his denied his even said it.
You tend to only see abuse as violence. Thank you.
We had an incident in the car today, He never saw a car pull out so i had to scream at him to stop and the other driver waved his arms and swore and when i pulled him up, he took his hands of the wheel and said this is dangerous driving and it was the other drivers fault.
So we got to the cafe and he went into order the meal and i said i felt like going home after nearly being in a car accident, i was in shock and shaky and he was like well im not having nothing im dropping you and going home.
Luckily they had nothing i could eat so home it was.
No was could i sit and eat a meal like that.

Tbh if a passenger in my car 'screamed' at me, they would be asked to leave the vehicle there and then.