what is emotional abuse?

merlin68

When oh gets found out mainly for lying. He threatens suicide or that his going to take the kids and dog and walk.
Somebody told me that this was emotional abuse, but is it?
I can't say too much in case anyone on here recognizes me.
There is more. But these are the main ones.
If everything is going fine, his version of fine that is, his ok but the minute its wrong the above occurs.

Guest101

merlin68 wrote: »

When oh gets found out mainly for lying. He threatens suicide or that his going to take the kids and dog and walk.
Somebody told me that this was emotional abuse, but is it?
I can't say too much in case anyone on here recognizes me.
There is more. But these are the main ones.
If everything is going fine, his version of fine that is, his ok but the minute its wrong the above occurs.

It depends. You've described his behaviour, but not your own.


If, for example, you are waving a knife around and he says he will take the kids and the dog and walk - that would be a very sensible thing to do, as it safeguards himself and those close to him.


So what you describe could well be abuse, but equally it could be a victim of abuse who's snapped and trying to escape. Based on what you've said its impossible to judge.

Floxxie

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/life/coercive-control-how-can-you-tell-whether-your-partner-is-emotio/

merlin68

He took an overdose when a previous partner finished with him and he did it to me once.
He lies about everything, its normally when i pull him up on lying then he tries to deny it, even though his caught out, of face book by other people he swears blind he hasnt done it.
I was in a physically abusive relationship before and dont know if im over reacting.
One thing i cant stand is lying.

Primrose

Certainly aounds like emotional blackmail. The people who often make these threats rarely carry them out, but if you feel in physical danger or that your children are at risk then it is advisable to call Womens Aid and fins out what your options are.

missbiggles1

It doesn't matter whether you or anybody else label his behaviour as emotional abuse, if it's unacceptable to you then it's time to reassess the relationahip and consider terminating it.

It's the behaviour that matters, not what label anybody attaches to it.

merlin68

Its difficult to terminate as his my carer and its a joint council tenancy. So neither of us has anywhere to go.
I could get a divorce but he would still be living with me.
I cant chuck someone out of a joint tenancy.

Guest101

merlin68 wrote: »

Its difficult to terminate as his my carer and its a joint council tenancy. So neither of us has anywhere to go.
I could get a divorce but he would still be living with me.
I cant chuck someone out of a joint tenancy.

True, but you can ask the courts to do exactly that.


However, clearly both you and he are under significant pressure, perhaps lies are his 'escape' and with you 'calling him out' he is left to face the cold, hard reality, which he does not like.


Given he is your carer, it seems possible he would get custody of the children? Are you in a position to provide sufficient support and care for them?


Has additional support been arranged? Respite care?

merlin68

My youngest is 18 shortly. The others have left home anyway.
The youngest wants her own place like her sisters have, just need to look into supported living for her once she is 18

tea_lover

Have a read of Living with a Dominator. Google the Freedom Project.

pigpen

my ex did that once.. I offered to get him some pills or a rope... he realised that didn't work and continued with the put downs and name calling etc .. I wouldn't believe a word and if they do it.. that was their choice!


I think it depends on the person.. if it was my severely depressed son I would be very worried.. as a means of control, no chance.