Money Moral Dilemma: Can my wife say no to her daughter's wedding demands?

elizabethhull

Pauligirl wrote: »

Your wife needs to tell your step daughter first to get a job, then start saving and that after one year she will match whatever your step daughter has saved plus say 20 percent

That is an excellent idea. I understand the hormone rush of getting engaged quickly, but waiting until they can afford a modest wedding would prove they are serious.

My elder daughter got engaged in her 20's, then they waited EIGHT years to get married. This is obviously neither common nor ideal, but they waited till they were both employed and had enough saved. They were over the moon when we chipped in the same amount, and it still wasn't an expensive wedding, but it was a lovely family occasion that still gives us all a warm feeling over 6 yrs later.

Pollycat

gaving7095 wrote: »

At the risk of sounding (more? :-)) judgey, how's she on benefits aged 18? It sounds like the daughter needs to grow up, get a job & don't marry after 6 weeks because that's obviously crazy.

Sportinguista wrote: »

My god, talk about entitled. She needs to get a job, start earning money etc.

scurr wrote: »

Maybe one thing to point out to the happy couple is that if she is on benefits and the fianc! gets a job, she won't get benefits any more...
If the fianc! is a student, he won't get benefits so won't be able to contribute to their household.
My daughter got herself a job pretty quickly when she wanted to live with her (employed) boyfriend!

paul_k wrote: »

On benefits really ?
Well, my response would be,first get off your backside and get a job !

Of course, there is always the possibility that the daughter is on ill-health/disability benefits.

Not that that would change my decision were I in the shoes of the author of the dilemma - but it may be that 'getting a job' as per the posters' suggestions above is really not that simple......

pigpen

My reply would be.. not a penny!!!

If they choose to get married they should foot the bill if they cant afford that then they cant afford to run a home.. and getting engaged doesnt mean immediate wedding.. they can wait and save up.

Noone paid for my wedding and if being married is that important £40 they can have a tiny affair at the registry office.. done.

PasturesNew

It'll be over before the cake's been eaten.... if it gets that far.

Tell her to s0d off. Weddings being paid for aren't for everybody - and certainly not at age 18 to some gimp she's only just met. He's flavour of the month.

his_missus

Of course she can say no. We didn't expect our parents to pay anything towards our wedding. They both contributed voluntarily towards it what they could afford and the rest we paid for quite happily ourselves.

Anatidaephobia

silvercar wrote: »

Seems to be some presumption that the parents may contribute depending on what they think of the relationship and the groom. The more they approve, the greater the likelihood they will contribute. I thought brides chose their own partners these days.

It's not so much that they should judge the daughter's partner (and indeed I don't think anyone here has - s/he may well be a lovely young man or woman with good intentions) but a sensible parent would not just fling money for a wedding towards an 18 year old without taking further steps to establish if this is a wise thing to do or not.

Tbh it sounds as though there have been plenty of other issues going on in the relationship between the daughter and her mum and this is just the latest.

Pollycat

PasturesNew wrote: »

It'll be over before the cake's been eaten.... if it gets that far.

Tell her to s0d off. Weddings being paid for aren't for everybody - and certainly not at age 18 to some gimp she's only just met. He's flavour of the month.

Gimp?
Really?

We only know this from MSE Nick:

MSE_Nick wrote: »

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

My 18-year-old stepdaughter (who is currently on benefits) got engaged to a student after six weeks. She expects her mum and dad to finance most of the wedding and is putting great pressure on my wife to commit to naming what sum of money she will contribute. If she doesn't, this will be an on-going sore between them in an already tense relationship, yet my wife does not want to become a hostage to fortune.

He's a student.
Where do you get 'gimp' from?

DigForVictory

I have to say known him for six weeks & planning a wedding?
Gods watch over the little optimist! And keep her safe from pregnancy for a bit.

And her mother, who could completely reasonably say (a) introduce me to the son-in-law-to-be, show me how much you have saved so far & when had you in mind (as the mother of the bride's hat Cannot Be Rushed).

Sure, mothers want their daughter safe & happy. So let's see the man, the money & the plans before she reaches for her purse, let alone her chequebook.
With mother's support, lass can start appealing (yes, making nice, not trying this demand lark) to relatives for help with frock, car, flowers, cake etc but at 6 weeks into the relationship & trying to go bridezilla on benefits? She needs a reality check not a money one...

PasturesNew

Pollycat wrote: »

Gimp?
Really?

We only know this from MSE Nick:

He's a student.
Where do you get 'gimp' from?

It's vernacular terminology where I live/d.

Pollycat

PasturesNew wrote: »

It's vernacular terminology where I live/d.

Really?

So what does it mean where you live?