Money Moral Dilemma: Can my wife say no to her daughter's wedding demands?

Pollycat

MSE_Nick wrote: »

Money Moral Dilemma: Can my wife say no to her daughter's wedding demands?

Of course she can say 'no'.

And I'd say 'no' too if any of the following 3 things applied - let alone all 3!

MSE_Nick wrote: »

My 18-year-old stepdaughter

MSE_Nick wrote: »

(who is currently on benefits)

MSE_Nick wrote: »

got engaged to a student after six weeks.

Elisecas wrote: »

I think your wife would want to contribute if she can - it's her little girl's wedding.

Possibly.
But 'wanting to' and being 'expected to' - especially in such a situation - are very different things.

goodwithsaving

I really don't understand people with an expectation that the parents pay. I'd feel terribly guilty if I ever got divorced (obviously you don't marry with that intent....).
Daughter wants to get married and throw a big show, then daughter (and OH) pay for it. Maybe if she was older, she'd understand that money doesn't magic itself out of thin air

gaving7095

Of course she can say "no" - although you go on to answer your own question in stating that it will be a sore point "in an already tense relationship". How much, potentially, is that going to upset your wife?
Morals actually don't factor into this dilemma at all as far as I can see.

I'm actually failing to see how Mum should be in any way "responsible" for funding the wedding. Obviously, traditions vary wildly around the world, but the standard UK tradition as such is for "the father of the bride" to pay.
Having said that, who actually does that any more these days? Nobody in my family or any of my friends did. In most cases we saved and were kindly given donations from parents & family on both sides, which (although we may have expected) we didn't ask for and were very grateful for.

At the risk of sounding (more? :-)) judgey, how's she on benefits aged 18? It sounds like the daughter needs to grow up, get a job & don't marry after 6 weeks because that's obviously crazy.
Or, if she's sure that she wants to marry (which - I reiterate - would be objectively wrong), then she should face the facts of their situation. I.e. the couple not having their own great sources of income, so just be incredibly grateful for anything & everything they may get.
Behaving in any other way in that situation would constitute very poor behaviour in my opinion.

suchgreatheights

Far from thinking of giving her money I'd be giving her a good talking-to and telling her to snap out of it!


She'll thank you later.

silvercar

Seems to be some presumption that the parents may contribute depending on what they think of the relationship and the groom. The more they approve, the greater the likelihood they will contribute. I thought brides chose their own partners these days.

I think it reasonable, given the short relationship, to say that you want the couple to stay engaged for a certain length of time before marrying.

barry_taylor_uk

I think anyone should (generally) plan for the wedding they can afford themselves - then any generous donations towards it can be gratefully received.

Sportinguista

My god, talk about entitled. She needs to get a job, start earning money etc. My dad did not pay for either mine or my sisters wedding and we wouldn't have asked him (mind we'd have look pretty silly as both in late 30's with good jobs). I don't give the relationship much chance either. I would say if anything a set amount and that's it. Both young people need to learn how to cut their cloth, old fashioned but wise advice.

burlington6

In 2016, if you get married at 18, you're an idiot.

k18dan

Tell her to do one and pay there own way.. Its there choice to get married.

I suppose they will be asking how much inheritance they are owed soon..

You make your own way in this life :money:

onomatopoeia99

I suggest they elope to Gretna and mum buys the train tickets. There always used to be a massive waiting list to marry there (several months), so it will give them plenty of time to see if the relationship is stable.