Money Moral Dilemma: Can my wife say no to her daughter's wedding demands?

Sapper192

No one should expect someone else to pay for their wedding or similar. If tradition is the reason, offspring traditionally respected their parents, it doesn't sound like this is the case here.

thorsoak

Way back, in the early 60s, my father said he would give us £5 plus his blessing ....and my mother said she would hold the ladder steady!

In the circumstance suggested by MSE, I think my reaction would be "OK - I will give you £xxxx towards your wedding in 5 years time".

Clueless969

My answer would be the same whatever the ages and circumstances of the people involved.

First, decide how much you, the parent(s), are able to contribute, then decide if you want to contribute that much.

Having made those two decisions and assuming the answer is not zero, I would then say to the happy couple that you are prepared to contribute, when the bills become due for said wedding, a maximum of £XX at a rate of, say, £5 for every £5 that they can demonstrate they have saved for their wedding.

To my mind, that way everyone will be committed and, arguably, no one can be taken advantage of.

scurr

Maybe one thing to point out to the happy couple is that if she is on benefits and the fianc! gets a job, she won't get benefits any more...
If the fianc! is a student, he won't get benefits so won't be able to contribute to their household.
My daughter got herself a job pretty quickly when she wanted to live with her (employed) boyfriend!

happilymarried2013

I was engaged after 6 weeks. Ok I was 24 at the time but still.

I have lots of friends that got married at 18 - 20 they've been married for nearly a decade now. I speak as I find.

Mind you - is this a fictional dilemma? lets not stress out about it

k18dan

The OP's other half would be doing them a favour by saying no, Making them save the money them self will show how much they want this.

Life skills like saving and budgeting should have been introduced at a young age.

relaxtwotribes

Your wife should think very hard about the level of gratitude that her daughter and fiance will show her and ask herself if that will match the level of gratitude, if any, that she will expect to receive. For with any gift BOTH the giver and the receiver must get something out of it.

paul_k

Demanding really !?
Well what kind of daughter demands? a not very nice one,thats what .
On benefits really ?
Well, my response would be,first get off your backside and get a job !
postpone the wedding,so we can all plan together,save up some money yourself,show some respect, or you will not get a penny from me! should be the answer.
She sounds a horrid girl and a lazy a***
More damage will be done if you are not firm about this matter.

heuchera

MSE_Nick wrote: »

My 18-year-old stepdaughter (who is currently on benefits) got engaged to a student after six weeks. She expects her mum and dad to finance most of the wedding and is putting great pressure on my wife to commit to naming what sum of money she will contribute. If she doesn't, this will be an on-going sore between them in an already tense relationship, yet my wife does not want to become a hostage to fortune.

(Assuming this is real..) the 18-year-old has a rather exaggerated sense of entitlement, to say the least!!

Do people still expect their parents to finance their wedding?

I suspect this is one of the wind-up threads on here, to be honest. 18, met a guy just 6 weeks ago and wants a wedding.. :rotfl:

missbiggles1

silvercar wrote: »

Seems to be some presumption that the parents may contribute depending on what they think of the relationship and the groom. The more they approve, the greater the likelihood they will contribute. I thought brides chose their own partners these days.

I think it reasonable, given the short relationship, to say that you want the couple to stay engaged for a certain length of time before marrying.

And parents choose how they spend their own money.;)