Dating Dilemma - opinions please!

Pollycat

pigpen wrote: »

he didn't.. he started proceedings after a few months it just took forever! You just don't expect to die at 41 though do you?

OMG!
You certainly don't.

The financial-fallout must have been very distressing for his partner on top of such a sudden, early death.

pigpen

Pollycat wrote: »

OMG!
You certainly don't.

The financial-fallout must have been very distressing for his partner on top of such a sudden, early death.

it was.. she didnt just lose him she lost her home too and the close relationship she had with his children. She went on to marry his best friend 4 years after my uncles death.. but it was a very difficult few years.

Maureen43

Just a quick update.

When I told him I didn't want a secret relationship but I'd leave the ball in his court to come back to me if things changed.....

He was clearly shocked and more than a bit cross. He said he'd enjoyed being with me and would leave it to me to come back to him if my feelings changed.

So I won't be contacting him and he won't be contacting me.

Spendless

Maureen43 wrote: »

Just a quick update.

When I told him I didn't want a secret relationship but I'd leave the ball in his court to come back to me if things changed.....

He was clearly shocked and more than a bit cross. He said he'd enjoyed being with me and would leave it to me to come back to him if my feelings changed.

So I won't be contacting him and he won't be contacting me.

So, he only wanted the relationship on his own secret terms. I think you've done the right thing Maureen. Hope you're ok. :grouphug::

justme111

He did not say " I am sorry I can not meet yr expectations now , I hope in a year's time situation will change , I will get in touch when it does , hope you will be free ". He basically told you to !!!!!! off if you don't like it which means he either does not see his situation changing or he does not want it to change or that you will be not good enough for him if/when it does.

Pollycat

Sorry to hear that, Maureen.

Not a very nice reaction to something that the majority of women would say.
He didn't deserve you.

Onwards and upwards.

FBaby

When I told him I didn't want a secret relationship but I'd leave the ball in his court to come back to me if things changed.....

Playing devils' advocate but I wouldn't call avoiding meeting in his town a 'secret relationship' especially if you have, as you've posted, already met some of his friends. Assuming the possibility that he didn't lie to you and that he is separated and has nothing to do with his wife any longer, I can see how this would have come across as offending, especially if there was no preamble to the words.

Saying that, if you made the decision not to give him the benefit of the doubt, then your gut feelings must have been telling you that he wasn't truthful or that he just wasn't the one to take things further with, so no point in wasting more time on him.

Maureen43

I didn't meet his friends!

iammumtoone

Maureen43 wrote: »

Just a quick update.

When I told him I didn't want a secret relationship but I'd leave the ball in his court to come back to me if things changed.....

He was clearly shocked and more than a bit cross. He said he'd enjoyed being with me and would leave it to me to come back to him if my feelings changed.

So I won't be contacting him and he won't be contacting me.

Sorry to hear that but in one way it makes it easier for you now.

You know it is over whereas he if had replied along the lines of "ok i'll call you as soon as the situation changes" you would be forever wondering if and when he would call.

At least now you can forget about him and move on.

Good luck I hope things work out ok for you, I am sure they will.

Pollycat

FBaby wrote: »

Playing devils' advocate but I wouldn't call avoiding meeting in his town a 'secret relationship' especially if you have, as you've posted, already met some of his friends. Assuming the possibility that he didn't lie to you and that he is separated and has nothing to do with his wife any longer, I can see how this would have come across as offending, especially if there was no preamble to the words.

I can sort-of see where you're going with this but I would feel as Maureen does - to say 'I can't meet you in my home town' is trying to keep the relationship a secret - regardless of whether he has a good reason for it or not.

Maureen43 wrote: »

So, he won't meet me in his own home town in case we are seen and word gets back to his ex.

And as Maureen has confirmed, he's not introduced her to any of his friends.

Re-reading though some of the posts on this thread, this struck me:

Maureen43 wrote: »

They've been through mediation unsuccessfully. She wants all the proceeds from the family home plus all the pensions and savings. So he says...

Maureen43 wrote: »

I did ask him that question. He said his wife may become even more unreasonable if she knows he is in a relationship.

Jeez! One wonders just how much more unreasonable she could get.

Maureen43 wrote: »

His wife had an affair. So he says...

I could maybe understand it if it had been he who'd had the affair, but these demands seem excessive - and are very unlikely to be agreed to when it goes to court.

If it is all true, Maureen may have found herself in a bunny-boiler situation if the relationship continued and the wife found out.

It's a pity that he couldn't have said 'I do understand your point. Let's keep in touch via email/text as friends and see how we feel when my mess has been sorted out'.