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Dating Dilemma - opinions please!

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  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481 Forumite
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    Maureen43 wrote: »
    If I believed that I would not be with him. Simple as that.

    He is separated.

    Well, he is still married but I didn't intend my post to have such a critical tone as I can now see it does, so apologies.:)
  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
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    missbiggles1 wrote: »
    I understand your point, although I don't totally agree with it.

    Where it falls down is in cases of death, inheritance or serious illness where the spouse in question is still relevant to the situation, regardless of how long the separation has been, as a friend of mine found out to her cost.:(

    Indeed - The morality of marriage and the legalities of marriage are two seperate issues -in the same way co-habiting couples who believe calling themselves common law husband and wife sometimes think this affords them the same protection as marriage when it comes to inheritance or medical decisions .

    However I doubt a couple "just dating" would be impacted by these concerns -and this thread is about a new relationship and isn't likely to have concerns about the instances you've raised.
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  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
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    Maureen43 wrote: »
    Thanks for all the replies folks.

    I've said I don't want to be in a secret relationship but I would love to hear from him if his circumstances change.

    I feel quite sad but it is the right thing to do.

    I think for a relationship to work you have to be on the same page and want the same things so you're absolutely right.Right man, wrong time is just as bad as right time , wrong man !

    Onwards and upwards -who knows what (or who) is around the next corner !!
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

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  • duchy
    duchy Posts: 19,511 Forumite
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    Maureen43 wrote: »
    Thank you. Forever on my own it would appear ;)

    Nah -I'm much older than you and thought the same and I'm in a relationship now that makes me very happy. A woman happy with her life always attracts men !! Work on keeping you happy and the rest will follow.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

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  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,152 Forumite
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    missbiggles1 wrote: »
    I understand your point, although I don't totally agree with it.

    Where it falls down is in cases of death, inheritance or serious illness where the spouse in question is still relevant to the situation, regardless of how long the separation has been, as a friend of mine found out to her cost.:(


    My uncle too.. he had had the Nisi through.. then had a stroke and died 3 weeks later about 10 days before the Absolute was issued.. his ex-wife got everything even though they had been separated 3 years and both in new relationhips!
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  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
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    pigpen wrote: »
    My uncle too.. he had had the Nisi through.. then had a stroke and died 3 weeks later about 10 days before the Absolute was issued.. his ex-wife got everything even though they had been separated 3 years and both in new relationhips!

    That wouldn't have happened if he had written a will leaving his estate to his new partner or family members.
  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,152 Forumite
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    Mojisola wrote: »
    That wouldn't have happened if he had written a will leaving his estate to his new partner or family members.


    He had.. but it was declared invalid on his death because it meant his new partner got everything apart from a substantial chunk left in trust for his 4 sons.. The house was originally in joint names with the ex-wife so she had a 'vested interest' it was decided so she got it all and the 3 younger boys got nothing.
    LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14
    Hope to be debt free until the day I die
    Mortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)
    6/6/14 £72,454.65 (5.65% int.)
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  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
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    pigpen wrote: »
    He had.. but it was declared invalid on his death because it meant his new partner got everything apart from a substantial chunk left in trust for his 4 sons.. The house was originally in joint names with the ex-wife so she had a 'vested interest' it was decided so she got it all and the 3 younger boys got nothing.

    If he hadn't changed the ownership of the house from joint tenants to tenants in common, then the house was automatically hers when he died.
  • Pollycat
    Pollycat Posts: 35,959 Forumite
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    pigpen wrote: »
    My uncle too.. he had had the Nisi through.. then had a stroke and died 3 weeks later about 10 days before the Absolute was issued.. his ex-wife got everything even though they had been separated 3 years and both in new relationhips!
    Why did he leave it so long to start divorce proceedings?
  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,152 Forumite
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    Pollycat wrote: »
    Why did he leave it so long to start divorce proceedings?


    he didn't.. he started proceedings after a few months it just took forever! You just don't expect to die at 41 though do you?
    LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14
    Hope to be debt free until the day I die
    Mortgage-free Wannabee (05/08/30)
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