Dating Dilemma - opinions please!

piglet74

Maureen, you have answered the past few questions with "so he says", I think this indicates that you doubt him yourself, if you don't trust him, walk away x

PeacefulWaters

missbiggles1 wrote: »

He's married so he'd be committing adultery, whether he thinks it's wrong or not.

Given his marriage is dead in the water, why is this an issue?

missbiggles1

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Given his marriage is dead in the water, why is this an issue?

I don't get your point.

PeacefulWaters

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I don't get your point.

I didn't get yours. I understood the other concerns around secrecy.

thorsoak

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Given his marriage is dead in the water, why is this an issue?

The point is - the OP doesn't KNOW that he marriage is dead in the water - it is what he has TOLD her - and as she has recently come out of a relationship where her partner was not honest with her, we can understand why she now questions why this man does not want meet her in his home town.

PeacefulWaters

thorsoak wrote: »

The point is - the OP doesn't KNOW that he marriage is dead in the water - it is what he has TOLD her - and as she has recently come out of a relationship where her partner was not honest with her, we can understand why she now questions why this man does not want meet her in his home town.

The context was "He should not be online dating in his position".

If his position is that he sees his marriage as over (adulterous wife etc) I really don't see the problem.

piglet74

Maureen43 wrote: »

His wife had an affair. So he says...

I'm sorry Maureen, but if you honestly believed this to be true, would it really matter if his ex hears he has met someone new?

DKLS

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Your presence in their home town can have absolutely no bearing on the divorce, other than annoying her and making her more awkward.

If there are children, acknowledging your role in his life may impact transfer arrangements, as she many not want the children to meet you yet.

Personally I feel he should stand up to his Ex and remind her that their marriage has already broken down (hence the divorce) and he is therefore a free man to see whomever and do whatever he chooses.

I still have the significant solicitors bills and the copy of the bill my ex had to pay out of her share of the house sale which was all due to her being annoyed and more awkward.

She was fine until she twigged I had moved on and went full on bunny boiler.
In hindsight I wouldn't have taken my new squeeze on a date in our town.

KiKi

In fairness, you've been on a 'handful of dates'. I presume this means you've been on 3-5 dates, over a few weeks. It's not like you've not been in a serious relationship with him for months.

In which case, if he does have a very awkward wife, then it's very possible that she may use this as ammo against him for seeing the kids, or anything else.

It's possible he's hiding something - but it's also possible he's telling the absolute truth. If you were further down the line in your relationship then I'd think you have a right to want to meet his family, friends, at his house etc. But if it's literally been 3 or 4 dates then I don't think you're a 'dirty little secret' - I think the relationship's just far too new a relationship for him to risk the consequences. I wouldn't want to create merry hell for myself with someone I'd only seen a handful of times. Once I knew it was serious then I might think differently.

Serendipitious

You have my sympathies. It's no fun being in a relationship (or dating situation) which has to be kept secret. These are the early stages of a new relationship, too, when life should be happy and bright and full of promise and excitement and possibilities. Instead, you have restrictions and the prospect of this uncomfortable secrecy having to continue for quite a while.

The divorce won't wave a magic wand - if his wife is being difficult and unreasonable now, that won't necessarily change just because the divorce is through.

He's stated his terms. But it's time to think about your terms, too. You clearly deserve much better than this.