Dating Dilemma - opinions please!

Maureen43

I've been on a handful of dates with a nice guy. We've got stuff in common and all is going well BUT (there is always a but!) there is just one niggle...

He's going through a nasty divorce which will probably end up in court although probably not this year. His ex is trying to use anything as ammo against him. He feels he has to be really careful not to make the situation worse.

So, he won't meet me in his own home town in case we are seen and word gets back to his ex.

I half understand it but also feel like I don't want to be a dirty secret.

Opinions please!

tea_lover

Let me guess... his wife doesn't understand him.

Tigsteroonie

Your presence in their home town can have absolutely no bearing on the divorce, other than annoying her and making her more awkward.

If there are children, acknowledging your role in his life may impact transfer arrangements, as she many not want the children to meet you yet.

Personally I feel he should stand up to his Ex and remind her that their marriage has already broken down (hence the divorce) and he is therefore a free man to see whomever and do whatever he chooses.

fairy_lights

Are you sure he's telling you the truth about the divorce and you're not his bit on the side?
If he's getting divorced then what's the problem with him moving on, why or how could his ex use that as ammo?

System

fairy_lights wrote: »

Are you sure he's telling you the truth about the divorce and you're not his bit on the side?

That was my first thought. Is he actually getting divorced, and do divorces take such a long time?

PasturesNew

My money's on him being perfectly happy, at home, with his wifey, who has NO idea about you.

Maureen43

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Personally I feel he should stand up to his Ex and remind her that their marriage has already broken down (hence the divorce) and he is therefore a free man to see whomever and do whatever he chooses.

It's early days but I agree with you in principle.

Maureen43

fairy_lights wrote: »

Are you sure he's telling you the truth about the divorce and you're not his bit on the side?
If he's getting divorced then what's the problem with him moving on, why or how could his ex use that as ammo?

Well, I THINK he's telling me the truth, although historically I haven't been the best of judge of honesty in men!

I've done a bit of Facebook/Google research (ahem) and he is who he says he is, and her details check out too.

Maureen43

PasturesNew wrote: »

My money's on him being perfectly happy, at home, with his wifey, who has NO idea about you.

This could be the case. How do you ever know for sure though?

Deep sigh.

LilElvis

Does he have minor children? This is the only scenario where the presence of a new woman could wind up the nearly-ex wife as she might choose to play games with contact arrangements. Having a new partner wouldn't affect any financial settlement.

Otherwise this man is either paranoid or a liar.

Have you met any of his friends or family?

PeacefulWaters

Until a financial agreement to divide assets is signed sealed and delivered I can understand him not wanting to rock the boat.

But why is it going to take a year?