Dating Dilemma - opinions please!

Maureen43

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Well, not getting involved with a married man might be a good starting point.

If I believed that I would not be with him. Simple as that.

He is separated.

Maureen43

duchy wrote: »

Presumably he doesn't want you posting on his FB either - I think he's either paranoid so not yet ready for a new relationship...........or he's not as single as he claims.

Have you seen him on weekends or only in the week ?

Both actually.

Maureen43

Serendipitious wrote: »

You have my sympathies. It's no fun being in a relationship (or dating situation) which has to be kept secret. These are the early stages of a new relationship, too, when life should be happy and bright and full of promise and excitement and possibilities. Instead, you have restrictions and the prospect of this uncomfortable secrecy having to continue for quite a while.

The divorce won't wave a magic wand - if his wife is being difficult and unreasonable now, that won't necessarily change just because the divorce is through.

He's stated his terms. But it's time to think about your terms, too. You clearly deserve much better than this.

Very well said.

Pollycat

duchy wrote: »

If a marriage is over-it is over.

Getting a divorce can take several years for a variety of good reasons- even a straightforward one will take the best part of a year.

My marriage ended the day I caught my husband cheating- Marriage is more than just a legal document to most people -it's a state of mind . Claiming morality over whether a decree absolute has been issued or not reduces marriage to a business proposition rather than an expression of lifetime commitment. Once a contract is broken -it's broken and there's nothing complicated about that. Infidelity can reduce marriage to "just a piece of paper" status quicker than anything else.

If a couple have emotionally ended their marriage and permanently physically separated (although in this instance it really isn't clear if this is the case) then they have by mutual agreement set each other free.

And will take more than 5 years if one partner doesn't agree.

Maureen43

Thanks for all the replies folks.

I've said I don't want to be in a secret relationship but I would love to hear from him if his circumstances change.

I feel quite sad but it is the right thing to do.

Pollycat

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I understand your point, although I don't totally agree with it.

Where it falls down is in cases of death, inheritance or serious illness where the spouse in question is still relevant to the situation, regardless of how long the separation has been, as a friend of mine found out to her cost.:(

I agree with this - but it doesn't apply to the OP.
She has just started seeing a guy who she says is separated (and is apparently actively seeking a divorce and has gone through mediation - although that has not been successful), not in a relationship where she has lived with someone for many years who hadn't 'got round' to divorcing his many-years estranged wife.

There is no financial cost involved should it turn out that he is still in a 'proper' married relationship with his wife such as being forced to move out of a property or not being entitled to a widow's pension in this case.

PeacefulWaters

missbiggles1 wrote: »

The point is that, even if he's telling her the complete truth, he's still a married man. Why is this so complicated to understand?

So because he has a cheating and potentially abusive ex who may be very difficult to deal with when it comes to negotiating a divorce settlement he should put his life on hold for five years.

I understand your point. I disagree with it.

Pollycat

Maureen43 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies folks.

I've said I don't want to be in a secret relationship but I would love to hear from him if his circumstances change.

I feel quite sad but it is the right thing to do.

I hope things work out for you, Maureen - either with this guy, someone else or on your own.

Maureen43

Pollycat wrote: »

I hope things work out for you, Maureen - either with this guy, someone else or on your own.

Thank you. Forever on my own it would appear

piglet74

Maureen43 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies folks.

I've said I don't want to be in a secret relationship but I would love to hear from him if his circumstances change.

I feel quite sad but it is the right thing to do.

How did he respond \ react to this?