Deal Breakers in relationships

System

Nothing wrong with religious people....as long as they don't try and convert their partners.

Jagraf

Judi wrote: »

Nothing wrong with religious people....as long as they don't try and convert their partners.

I think this is the key (as with lots of the suggestions). I am religious but I wouldn't expect to convert a partner. Likewise, I eoukdnt want a partner to have the arrogance to stereotype me and mock my beliefs (that just shows immaturity). I am not vegetarian but most of my extended family is and it doesn't affect what I eat.

Interestingly my 16 year old went to a church school and she's going out with a boy who is atheist. They click because both did RE at GCSE and reached their own conclusions so they can have really interesting debates. If they can do it, I'm sure adults can.

We miss out on a lot of love through stereotyping generally. A friend of mine in her forties is so choosy she will never find anyone. She went on s couple of dates with a really nice guy but he wore a pink shirt ..... She's in her forties not her teens, and he looked lovely.

My husband is an athiest but a clever man so was mature enough to not have a problem with it. He sometimes joins in with my interests (such as my faith) as I do with his (such as rugby / football). I'm glad we didnt stereotype too much because we are very much in love

selement

A lot of people here are picky!
Things I thought were deal breakers when I was younger turned out not to be for the right person.
I would have said smoker and overweight was a deal breaker but I ended up with someone who was both of these things (thankfully since quit smoking, I gained weight myself and now both trying to lose it!)

Some other deal breakers would be:
Being totally intolerant of others beliefs or lack of
Not treating women as their equals - I dont want to be with someone who expects me to do all the cooking and cleaning etc just because I'm female
I also think I would struggle with someone unemployed (unless they were rich! My oh became unemployed at one point and it made life tough)
Stupid is a deal breaker - they don't have to be a genius. Smart enough to get into uni will probably do which is a fairly low bar nowadays
Talking about women as objects. Women don't exist just to be ranked by men, this sort of behaviour irritates me a lot

I am very short myself and haven't yet met a man shorter! I think ideally I wouldn't be with an even shorter man but I like to keep a fairly open mind. My oh is a bit shorter than average for a man but still about a foot taller than me!

Mr_Toad

Male.

Must be kind and not self obsessed.
Intelligent, good conversation is a must.
I suppose classical music as I listen to it all the time.
On the other hand I play guitar and can get a bit loud
Must be able to live with minimal TV, I watch about three hours a week and never have it on for the sake of it.
Which leads on to books, must love reading.

Must understand contentment.

So many people seem to spend their lives looking for happiness then they meet someone who is happy and content and try and change them or their life. Why try and destroy the very thing most people want from life in someone else who has found it? It never ends well.

Jagraf

Mr_Toad wrote: »

Male.

Must be kind and not self obsessed.
Intelligent, good conversation is a must.
I suppose classical music as I listen to it all the time.
On the other hand I play guitar and can get a bit loud
Must be able to live with minimal TV, I watch about three hours a week and never have it on for the sake of it.
Which leads on to books, must love reading.

Must understand contentment.

So many people seem to spend their lives looking for happiness then they meet someone who is happy and content and try and change them or their life. Why try and destroy the very thing most people want from life in someone else who has found it? It never ends well.

You make some very valid points. How lovely when you meet a contented person.

onlyroz

When it comes to religion, I don't see how two people with opposing views on life, death and the afterlife could possibly make each other happy. This is why it's a "deal-breaker" for a lot of people. It's nothing to do with religion-bashing.

benjus

Male

Must be intelligent and well spoken
Must be comfortable with herself and smile a lot
Must not be prudish
Must be honest, and in particular must not lie to close family and friends - if she's lying to them now, maybe one day she'll be lying to me.
Religion is OK, but not a fundamentalist, creationist etc. and I'd probably struggle with anything other than Christian.
Likes to get up/go to sleep at similar times to me - I'm a fairly early riser even at weekends and really don't like hanging around all morning waiting for my partner to wake up.
Similar tastes in food, drink and culture

Physically I do have a "type" (think Monica Bellucci when she was a bit younger) - but I'm flexible on that.

Anyway, I'm married so this is all academic...

Jagraf

onlyroz wrote: »

When it comes to religion, I don't see how two people with opposing views on life, death and the afterlife could possibly make each other happy. This is why it's a "deal-breaker" for a lot of people. It's nothing to do with religion-bashing.

Well it's certainly worked for us. I don't know about others. You can also have massive cultural differences. I think it adds to life's rich tapestry.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

pigpen wrote: »

I spent 15 years pandering to my ex-husbands 'vegetarian' ways.. then out of the blue.. 'that pork smells nice' and scoffed the lot... my experience was that it was a 15 year lie because his mother lacked culinary skills and that is what he thought food tasted like.. I resented him for every single one of those days and i wouldnt do that to myself again... they eat what I cook or starve.. everyone.. if it wont kill you you are served it and you eat it or starve... dont come to my house for dinner lol.

I think his being vegetarian is irrelevant; the problem was you took over the role of female domestic servant from his mother. If chores are never fairly shared then of course resentment will build up.

My boyfriend finds "overgroomed" women who spend hours in the bathroom unattractive, which is handy for me.

heuchera

Maureen43 wrote: »

Made me laugh!

Thanks, but it looks like someone has reported it/me