Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to pay me for childcare?

Person_one

Fujiko wrote: »

Just an idea - why don't you stay at home and look after your children which would mean you wouldn't have to pay someone else to look after them? Nobody makes you have children. If you can't afford them don't have them.

Would you ever say this to a working dad?

lizbec

Firstly,why does everyone assume the person posing this dilemma is female?
Secondly,though I agree it seems weird to want to be paid for caring for your own children,the fact remains that her/his partner is only able to work full time because the other one is working part time and therefore available to look after the children,therefore losing out on income,career prospects and pension contributions.
In a similar position in the past,when I was off work during maternity leave and/or working part time,my husband paid proportionately more towards mortgage and household bills. Which kind of amounts to being paid for childcare,I guess. This wouldn't apply if you have a joint account and share the joint income anyway.

michaels

DW and I split the money side of things 50:50 - I earn do the earning and she does the spending.*



*Except for groceries which apparently although technically spending isn't very interesting so that is my job too.

gaving7095

In a word: Bonkers.
No - you shouldn't be paid by your partner for looking after your own child - that would be CRAZY.
The UK government probably already hands you out £20 a week for being lucky enough to have your child in the country so maybe consider that your "pay".

Furthermore, as another poster said, in what way "partner"?
Somebody you could produce offspring with but not marry - because presumably you wouldn't want any big commitment in your life...

I'd usually spare the judgey talk but this "dilemma" has honestly made me sick. It's not even a dilemma, let alone a "moral" one and also has absolutely ZERO to do with money saving as well.
Do everybody (starting with yourself) a favour & take the free steralisation which is offered by the NHS to try & spare yourself any further "dilemmas".

minicooper272

I understand the attraction of keeping finances separate, and if you are earning less than your partner because you work part time in order to take care of your child, I think it fair to ask your partner to pay a slightly greater proportion of your household costs. It is definitely not OK to ask them to pay you for childcare though. For example, if (after tax) your partner earns £1000 and you earn £600 per month, then he could be expected to pay 5/8 of your household costs, while you would pay 3/8. The easy way to do this is to each pay into a joint account that is used to pay for holidays, food and children’s clothes as well as childcare costs and rent/bills. From my above example, he would perhaps pay in £800, and you would pay in £480. You can’t ask asking him to pay you to take care of your child though - would you pay your partner to babysit if you wanted a night out with friends? If you feel you would be better off switching to full time work and sending your kid to nursery full time, then do this and continue to split everything 50/50.

Person_one

lizbec wrote: »

Firstly,why does everyone assume the person posing this dilemma is female?

Probably because its far, far, far more common, still, for women to be the parent that goes part time and ends up in the weaker financial position when a couple decide together to have children.

cgirling26

Yes and you should ask for sick pay and annual leave, in return he should get a breakdown of your services, a list of your qualifications and a yearly appraisal!
Assuming he contributes to every aspect of the child's life then I think a big no is the answer there- it's your child!

19carlymarie88

I reduced my work hours to look after me & my OH daughter. I lost a hell of a lot of wages (approx. £400 a month!) by cutting down just a day & just about scrape by.....but I would never expect my partner to pay me a wage for looking after our daughter! We supposed to save money not spend it wastefully on 'wages'!


We don't pool our income but I pay mortgage/rent (Shared ownership!) and Council tax plus my own personal debts (loan for my car & mobile phone bill etc).


Then my partner pays household bills (gas/electric/shopping and general items) plus his own personal expenses such as credit cards & travel.


In turn they kind of even each other out in respect of actual household finances. If either of us get a little extra money (tax rebate/bonus etc) we help the other out and clear a little of the personal debts. For example, I've had a credit card I never used with 0% interest for a year (was going to use it for home improvements but got a car loan instead.....long story!) and as my partners credit card is about lose its 0%, I let him transfer the balance to me. He saves money by not paying interest and we make use of the credit card without applying for more credit.


It works for us and if I ever need money for a day out with the little one my OH always gives me it...sorted!

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

Erm, but it seems they have...

Your post implies that you'd have to be single or living at home to be stupid enough to have asked this question, or the previous idiotic 'dilemmas'. It should be obvious from regular reading of this board, and indeed the housing ones, that being in a couple or living independently do not confer any kind of special wisdom or raise your intelligence level!

No you are assuming stupidity - I'm assuming lack of (life) experience .

The two aren't the same.

I wouldn't expect someone who lives at home to automatically know about how the dynamics of finance work in a two parents and a baby scenario - as it is likely something they've never had to consider - (some will know through friends or other family -many won't ) anymore that I'd be expected to know how to construct a television just because I work for a broadcaster. They may have being/are part of a family dynamic but that doesn't mean they must know how other family dynamics they haven't yet experienced work.

Lack of experience doesn't equate to stupidity -although writing about things you have no experience of is probably poor journalism but that's another matter.

EssexHebridean

Is this genuine, or are the MSE team running out of ideas for these?

Assuming genuine - the clue is in the phrase "OUR little one" - you're not babysitting for a stranger, you are looking after your own child. I'm afraid from the moment they appear in the world, that's a bit of a given requirement. I do find it slightly worrying that anyone would have a child without having been aware of that, though...

On balance I do hope this isn't genuine...if it is, poor kid.