Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to pay me for childcare?

phillw

minicooper272 wrote: »

For example, if (after tax) your partner earns £1000 and you earn £600 per month, then he could be expected to pay 5/8 of your household costs, while you would pay 3/8.

Why should someone be expected to pay more, just because they earn more? This is something that people need to discuss and figure out what they are happy with.

lizbec wrote: »

the fact remains that her/his partner is only able to work full time because the other one is working part time and therefore available to look after the children,therefore losing out on income,career prospects and pension contributions.

The partner could work full time whatever happens. People usually go part time, or give up work altogether because they like looking after children. If your spouse decided they wanted to give up work to play golf then would you pay them to do that? Of course most people will say that looking after children is worthy and playing golf is lazy, but that is only because it's based on "what women want".

LameWolf wrote: »

What's next week then - "Should I charge my DH for sex?":rotfl:

I think that one has been settled. The question therefore be "should I directly or indirectly charge my DH for sex?" I'm not sure the small claims court is setup to deal with the problems caused by spouses directly charging for sex though.

POLAR_BILL

Why would anyone even need to ask such a dumb question? Why would you want to get paid for looking after your own child? Surely when you choose to have children you take responsibility for looking after them?

hondavfr57

Good God, what has this country become like!

Mojisola

POLAR_BILL wrote: »

Why would anyone even need to ask such a dumb question? Why would you want to get paid for looking after your own child? Surely when you choose to have children you take responsibility for looking after them?

The child has two parents - how much looking after is the other one doing?

happyinflorida

Do you pay your partner for anything?
Do you live together?
Who pays your housing bill? Your utility bills? Your food bill?
I wouldn't say it was normal but is your partner on a good salary and have you jointly decided you should mind your child more and that is why you went part time?
Does your partner, if on a good salary, expect you to pay out most or all of your earnings towards household bills etc? Is this why you're asking this question?
If you are left too short of cash but you want to look after your child, especially if the child care isn't that good around you (I know it wasn't when I had my first child) then you need to have a discussion.
It isn't fair if your partner is left with far more money each month and is being tight where expenditure for yourself is concerned.
You may have a hard job making them pay though if they decide they don't want to!
Good luck

Cuidadosa

I think some people here need to take a long hard look at their judgements.
There are lots of types of partnerships and you have NO IDEA of how the OP and her partner have their life organised. And maybe it's not how YOU would do it, but it doesn't mean it's wrong.

"stupid", "dumb"... Honestly? Did you butt in to help or just to rejoice on insulting someone?

I think Mojisola nailed it earlier on (some others have also made some good contributions).

Yes, there needs to be a conversation about finances.
No, it doesn't need to end in 'we HAVE to pool all of our money together or our marriage is doomed', but just something that seems 'fairer' to both of them.

My mum was a stay at home mum and even though all the money was coming from my dad into a joint account, he also paid her a 'salary' (don't bite at the word) into her own account so she felt some independence. That was money she could use without having to make a joint decision on how to spend it. I suspect they sorted out like that because my mum was quite the feminist and she had worked all her life but had to give up work to look after us and the house.

They were happily married for 30 years until my dad passed away.

Absolut1on

No wonder your his EX

duchy

However no matter how they dressed it up your Mum was in fact a kept woman and financially your Dad supplied the money and she was the homemaker and primary childcarer. It wasn't actually a salary- she didn't declare it or pay tax on t as earned income. I doubt if she got sick and was unable to perform her household duties your Dad asked her for a medical certificate either. Calling it a salary may have made her SAHM lifestyle more justifiable ( although this feminist thinks no justification is needed as feminism is about choice not whether you work outside the home or not-or earn your own money or not , It's about having an equal relationship -and equal decisionmaking not the geography of where you work supporting the family)

In this case the OP works outside of the home but wants to be paid at a commercial rate for looking after her own child . Why any woman would want to put herself in a position that she is paid for any service by her husband baffles me. If the disposible income within their family is unequal and she wants greater spending power then that's a different matter and it is unrealistic to pretend it's a salary for "services rendered" when the reality is that like in your parent's case the man is controlling the money and doling out an allowance to his wife rather than her having equal autonomy.

My Mum was a SAHM until we went to school and then worked school hours but it would never have occurred to either of my parents that she wasn't an equal partner with equal access to all the resources of the marriage. Her financial contribution was lower than my Dad's but his view was her contribution was more important to the family not less. Anyone can put money in a bank account but parenting is more than clocking in and out and expecting a pay packet for it. They had a joint account - either of them could make major purchases from it -but usually it would be discussed -not asking permission but discussing if it was affordable . It always amazed me when my Mum's friends said they'd need to get permission before spending money like they were children.

Cuidadosa wrote: »

I think some people here need to take a long hard look at their judgements.
There are lots of types of partnerships and you have NO IDEA of how the OP and her partner have their life organised. And maybe it's not how YOU would do it, but it doesn't mean it's wrong.

"stupid", "dumb"... Honestly? Did you butt in to help or just to rejoice on insulting someone?

I think Mojisola nailed it earlier on (some others have also made some good contributions).

Yes, there needs to be a conversation about finances.
No, it doesn't need to end in 'we HAVE to pool all of our money together or our marriage is doomed', but just something that seems 'fairer' to both of them.

My mum was a stay at home mum and even though all the money was coming from my dad into a joint account, he also paid her a 'salary' (don't bite at the word) into her own account so she felt some independence. That was money she could use without having to make a joint decision on how to spend it. I suspect they sorted out like that because my mum was quite the feminist and she had worked all her life but had to give up work to look after us and the house.

They were happily married for 30 years until my dad passed away.

duchy

phillw wrote: »

Why should someone be expected to pay more, just because they earn more? This is something that people need to discuss and figure out what they are happy with.



The partner could work full time whatever happens. People usually go part time, or give up work altogether because they like looking after children. If your spouse decided they wanted to give up work to play golf then would you pay them to do that? Of course most people will say that looking after children is worthy and playing golf is lazy, but that is only because it's based on "what women want".


.

Is it ?

A man is more than capable of wanting his children cared for by Mum rather than a nursery worker - Many men are happy to be the sole financial provider as they want their life partner to be the one raising their children rather than nursery employees.

It often isn't just what women want but what parents both want for their children ! It isn't uncommon that a woman is the working partner and the man is the primary childcarer nowadays anyway.
There's a poster on here who does exactly that- It isn't just women who are the stay at home parent. It can be either.

Not everyone is as stereotypical as you seem to believe...... some men actually like looking after children too !!!!

Marvel1

If this is your way of thinking, teachers would make a lot of money.