Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to pay me for childcare?

kboss2010

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

So in this scenario say he earns £500 a week for working 5 days and she earns £300 a week for working 3 days.
On her two non-working days she has the full-time job of looking after a child.
Lets assume when neither is at work that household chores are shared equally.

Lets say bills come to £600 a week.
By your method, he pays £375 for bills and she pays £225 for bills.
That leaves him £125 a week to spend on himself and her £75 a week to spend on herself.

They are both working hard 5 days a week.
Why should he have more money to spend on himself than she has to spend on herself?

Because, presumably, giving up work a few days a week was the OP's choice?

With kids, if you're lucky enough to be in a reasonably financially stable household you have two choices - give up work or keep working. And that stands for either parent. There's no reason why either parent has to give up their job by the sounds of it in this case so you make the choice - sacrifice your wages for time at home or work and pay for childcare. The husband also has the same choice and clearly chose to work full-time. What each of you earns is your money minus whatever living costs you have between you.

As a woman, I really don't understand the "my husband's money is my money" mentality. Legally-speaking it isn't and, by giving up your job to look after children, you accept that you will take a financial hit. I admire the bravery of people who will happily take that gamble, it takes more guts than I have to put myself in such a vulnerable financial position. But then I can't see myself ever wanting to give up a job to look after children all day, it's my idea of hell. Friends of mine love it. It's all about preference.

kboss2010

crmism wrote: »

I think you should give serious consideration to the welfare and wellbeing of your child, and give up work altogether. It isn't all about money and social life, you know. You are its parent and need to look at yourself and accept responsibility. Besides, by the sound of things, you will be better off financially if you spend more time with your child and not pay someone else to look after it.

This is a valid point only if you would say the same thing to the father.

Very few people take this view of fathers working and having hobbies instead of staying at home with their kids 24/7. And, in my experience, kids who grew up in a household where Dad was always at work and never spent any time with them feel the same sense of loss as those who never see their mothers for the same reason.

lotte_lizzie

There are 7 days in a week. If you work 3 and then stay at home 2, what happens the other 2 days? Is chidcare responsibilities shared on those days? Maybe you should be paying each other half of the costs for those days too, or are they bizarrely different to week days? :rotfl:


If money is that important you could work 5 days a week, 2 at weekends, and then you'd both have 2 days at home with childcare responsibilities so that things would be equal and you would not need to feel unnecessarily burdened!!

duchy

Part of me thinks this kind of issue is becoming more common as we are seeing couples having children as the first "relationship milestone" rather than a later one.

If you've already got a partnership dynamic in place -(and if married then not just the spirit of joint assets but a legal contract too) then you are more accustomed to sharing finances whereas a couple who are newly together often still have seperate finances and haven't had that adjustment period of becoming the joint financial unit so the his money/her money dynamic remains . Children and the financial changes in income that brings then can be harder to deal with as it needs to be a joint enterprise rather than two seperate financial entities.

Spendless

Hahahahahahaahaa

There was once a thread from someone whose partner was keeping his wages to himself and then expecting her to pay half of the bills, she was getting child benefit and maybe a little tax credits as she'd just had their baby. Childcare costs were restricting her going back to work and his shift pattern prevented her taking work when he was at home. I suggested she 'invoice' him for providing childcare if he was expecting her to stump up cash each week

If this dilemma is based on my reply then a) they've been trawling through very old posts and b) my reply was tongue in cheek.

[Deleted User]

I'm not working at the moment - does that mean I can get paid to do the washing up? :rotfl:

Red_sky

Are you kidding. You want to get paid for looking after your own child. What a horrible mother you are.

JimmyTheWig

Sleazy wrote: »

I'm not working at the moment - does that mean I can get paid to do the washing up? :rotfl:

Assuming that you have a partner who is working, I would imagine that they are paying towards your living costs and that you are doing more around the house than they are at the moment.
So in a roundabout way, yes you do.

misskittin1978

Well I am guessing the situation is that :
each partner is working and is putting some money in a pot to go towards mortgages, household bills, holidays, childcare... and the extra is kept for personal pensions, personal spending which should not be split (spa days with girlfriends ? manicures ? footie days ? stag do with mates ?)
I am also guessing that the reason mom is staying at home is to spend more time with the child as it's better for the little one to be 3 days in nursery and the rest of the time with his real mother ?
On that basis I do agree hubby should pay : mother's daily wage minus nursery's day fees divided by 2.
Mom IS giving up a wage to give the child BETTER care than nursery care. It's not about getting paid to look after your own kid but wanting the best for your kid !!!
Obviously this would not be the question if both partners put all their wages into one big pot !
Very valid question !

onlyroz

I've just cleaned my husband's car. Shall I send him a bill for £7, because that's what it would cost him at a car wash?