Money Moral Dilemma: Should I ask my partner to pay me for childcare?

onlyroz

You should open a joint account and pay into it an amount each month that is enough to cover all the household expenses, including childcare. The amount you each pay in should be in proportion to your relative incomes.

You should also ensure that you're claiming all the relevant child-related benefits that you are entitled to, for example child benefit, childcare vouchers, child tax credits etc.

Mojisola

onlyroz wrote: »

You should open a joint account and pay into it an amount each month that is enough to cover all the household expenses, including childcare. The amount you each pay in should be in proportion to your relative incomes.

Or you could both pay all your money into one account, both draw out the same amount for personal spending and everything else is household money for bills and joint savings.

FreddieFrugal

Mojisola wrote: »

Or you could both pay all your money into one account, both draw out the same amount for personal spending and everything else is household money for bills and joint savings.

I'd vote that. It just wouldn't sit well with me for one person to have more personal spending money than the other.

I know one partner may earn more but if you're in a partnership, you both contribute in your own ways financially, supportively, house work etc.

View it as, the person who is working part time will be doing the jobs that need doing around the house or looking after kids to make that side of things easier for the person working full time.

Meaning they can spend more quality time together as well as having the income they need.

It's not as if the sole worthy contribution in a relationship is the pay cheque and everything should be based on that...life really should not entirely revolve around money.

If you've chosen to live together, support each other, have children together and you're both contributing to the family then they should fairly have equal spending money.

barbiedoll

I must be a right mug then. I'm head cook and bottle washer in my house, plus, I'm the higher wage earner, AND I pay all of the regular bills, including the mortgage.

I'm gonna start charging for the laundry, shopping, taxi services, chef duties, pet sitting, cleaning and 18 years back pay for childcare.

I'll be quids in! :j:j

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

Nah they just all live at home or are single

That's a heck of a lot of people you just insulted...

TBagpuss

Its badly worded rather than stupid.

No, you shouldn't ask your partner to pay you for child care. You and your partner should sit down and discuss how you will manage your joint finances, taking into account the fact that at present , your partner is in full time paid work outside the home and you are in part time paid work, and working part time unpaid in the home caring for your child.

The two of you need to agree on fair ways to deal with finances. Tht could mean pooling your incomes, it could mean that your partner starts to pay a higher share of bills / rent / mortgage so that you each have similar levels of disposable income. It might involve reviewing your working patterns - maybe you could work an extra day in your paid job and your partner work a day less in theirs, so that you are spitting the paid and unpaid work more equally.

MumOf2

This scenario may sound ridiculous to some, but my (not surprisingly) ex husband wanted and expected me to pay him when he did any housework. He said I would have to pay a cleaner so I should pay him. I refused so he refused to do any housework or baby-related chores.

duchy

Person_one wrote: »

That's a heck of a lot of people you just insulted...

It's only insulting if you regard not living as a couple with child care responsibilities as in some way inferior. Why do you think that ?

It'd be clear to all but the incredibly touchy (or those trying to stir) that the point is that someone who lives as a couple with children would never ask such a question whereas someone who doesn't see a family as one financial unit but as separate financial entities might think it a genuine "dilemma"

I'm amazed you needed that explaining though !!!

Jillms

As you have given up paid employment to care for your and your partner's children, I think it only fair that he/she pays you for childcare etc., as bringing up and caring for children is an important and often undervalued job / responsibility. Taking time out of your career has financial consequences further down the line, which many people do not realise until they are in that situation. So, if your partner values you and your time they should do the right thing and pay you at least what they would have paid to a nursery (the nursery will not be providing one-to-one care in the same way as a parent).

The other alternative is that both parents share both paid work and childcare responsibilities equally, and the children then benefit from being cared for by both parents, who have an emotional bond with them and a vested interest in their development and future. Children fare best when cared for by a parent or close family member, but not everyone has that luxury available to them and a nursery can be a good alternative. I believe that both partners and parents should be treated equally and neither should be at a financial disadvantage or career disadvantage because they have had children. Bringing up children is and should always be a joint responsibility of both parents (that includes financial provision and caring for children - both are important jobs, but child-rearing is unpaid even though it is an extremely important responsibility). The children benefit from the love and care that the parents provide. Society benefits from children, including other people's children. Younger generations will contribute to society and the economy and provide for pensions, NHS, and other services as we age. We need to appreciate the wider picture and downstream consequences.

FreddieFrugal

Jillms wrote: »

Bringing up children is and should always be a joint responsibility of both parents. The children benefit from the love and care that the parents provide. Society benefits from children, including other people's children. Younger generations will contribute to society and the economy and provide for pensions, NHS, and other services as we age. We need to appreciate the wider picture and downstream consequences.

I agree with the above ^

So, if your partner values you and your time they should do the right thing and pay you at least what they would have paid to a nursery had children.

But I don't understand this at all ^

As I and other posters have suggested, they should just pool incomes, agree a budget together, pay all bills and childcare from the same pot, and then distribute the rest equally (maybe after savings)

You don't 'pay' your partner. That's a ridiculous concept. They should work for each other, support each other. Both partners contribute their fair share into the family, but what form that contribution takes is up to them to decide based on their situation.

If you're viewing your life as separate so that it's possible to be paid for your services to your partner..... Then it's not a real family relationship.

If you think that your partnership is unbalanced in that one person is getting more from it than the other, I don't think receiving reparation money from them is going to solve that.

I think it's a really sad view on life, and I can only really see this as showing that there are underlying doubts in this persons mind as to the long term viability of the relationship.

That is certainly not going to be a good thing for the children!