Nice People Thread No. 15, a Cyber Summer

Loanranger

An apartment for over 55s would be more suitable for PN than a place where there are children.

LydiaJ

SingleSue wrote: »

As well as being boring and not finding jokes funny, I apparently have ideas above my station (aka social housing stereotype) because I don't find their antics funny and take education and career progression seriously.

Anybody who can describe "taking education and career seriously" as "having ideas above one's station" is utterly unqualified to pontificate about what should be treated seriously and what should be regarded as a joke, and certainly has no right to be an arbiter of what's fun and what isn't.

Pyxis wrote: »

The problem here is that on the one hand you have people who may not realise the property situation and see 'open-plan' as 'communal', and equally may not realise how much of a nuisance their children are being, and on the other hand you have older, reserved, possibly typically British 'mustn't get involved' neighbours, plus Pastures who has legitimate reasons why she cannot approach them.

The juxtaposition of these two camps does not bode well.

I feel this too. I feel very much for PN in her misery, but I also feel that it's quite unreasonable to expect either the children or their parents know about either of the following things unless somebody tells them:
The freehold arrangement of what appears to be communal space
PN's hypercusis and its effects on her

One of the things my dad impressed on me when I was growing up is that somebody who is being annoying is very seldom doing it deliberately, and in most cases is unaware that they are being annoying, since their behaviour makes sense to them. I have found this helpful.

Poor PN seems to feel it should be obvious to anyone with half a brain cell that the doofing is annoying. It really isn't, PN. My kids were 10 and 7 when we moved into this house, which is on the corner of the road and has its garden to the side rather than at the back. The elderly couple in the house opposite where our garden meets the road, who've been living there since the houses were built in 1970, introduced themselves and specifically mentioned how much they were looking forward to hearing children playing again, since the road's children had all become too grown up to play outside, and it was so nice to have new ones.

Loanranger wrote: »

An apartment for over 55s would be more suitable for PN than a place where there are children.

Indeed

Pyxis

PasturesNew wrote: »

With a house and a fence, say, you can decide if/when and how often you treat or paint it.... and if you replace it and what with. In any form of leasehold you're at the mercy of the whims of the richest - and if they decide a fence needs replacing entirely, with a better/stronger one, at vast cost, it's fait accompli and you just get the bill for something you'd have never chosen.

It depends on the set-up the flats have.

If the block has a Right to Manage Association set-up, all the residents make their own, collective, decision. They appoint committee members, who are residents and/or owners, who make the day-to-day decisions but who are answerable to all the other members.

I was involved with a block who had the opportunity to go for Right to Manage, and overnight the service and maintenance charges were slashed, plus cheaper electricity for the common parts etc., because it was in the interests of the residents to find the cheapest/best options. When the maintenance etc. is the responsibility of the freeholders, they aren't so bothered about shopping around, as they just pass the costs on.

So a block with a residents' Right to Manage is the way to go.


In addition, any reputable letting agent would ensure that all the covenants and restrictions are included in the letting agreement. Even the basic letting agreement on a let-it-yourself basis has all the usual clauses that you would expect in it anyway.
The problem you have is not knowing who the letting agent is, if there is one, or the landlord if there isn't an agent.


If you have already told one neighbour the position re. the boundaries, then maybe a gentle reminder re. the visiting children wouldn't go amiss.

PasturesNew

Pyxis wrote: »

If the block has a Right to Manage Association set-up, all the residents make their own, collective, decision.

But if you're the single pauper in the block - and others are wealthier, couples with private pensions and the odd inheritance tossed in .... even residents making the decisions might not work well for you.

silvercar

I think PN is happiest when she doesn't feel obliged to interact with strangers. Living in your own house is far more private than a flat, where you would be at risk of noise from above and below, before you have to set foot in the communal paths to the front door etc.

Anyway PN is very happy with her home other than the brats outside. She doesn't need to consider moving.

chris_m

Pyxis wrote: »

In addition, any reputable letting agent would ensure

Do the words "reputable" and "letting agent" belong in the same sentence?

PasturesNew

Remember this bit:

Pyxis wrote: »

.... I still don't think that means they can have carte blanche to run about over other people's property without permission. Sorry.

silvercar wrote: »

...very happy with her home .... doesn't need to consider moving.

Especially as I see it as "ideal for older people" due to its size/location and facilities

GDB2222

silvercar wrote: »

Anyway PN is very happy with her home other than the brats outside. She doesn't need to consider moving.

I can see that. But, I also agree very strongly with Lydia that the neighbours' kids are just being kids, and how could anyone know about PN's hyperacusis unless she tells them? Which, of course, she can't do, and it might not have much effect if she did. Even if the kids play in their gardens, they are still perfectly entitled to make children-playing noises at reasonable times. They might turn the volume down for a few minutes every time someone reminds them about the hyperacusis, but it won't last.

So, logically:

1. PN doesn't want/need to move.
2. She can't change the kids and other things like bins and parking, that annoy her.
3. So, the only possible logical conclusion is that PN needs to change herself.

Which is why I suggested meditation, so she feels more peaceful and stops being so bothered by some of these things.

Pyxis

chris_m wrote: »

Do the words "reputable" and "letting agent" belong in the same sentence?

They can do!
I know one!

PasturesNew wrote: »

Especially as I see it as "ideal for older people" due to its size/location and facilities, which I think are better suited to an older person's lifestyle... we don't need places to play football, ride bikes, skate, skateboard, play with dollies
.

Oh I don't know!
Is it Denmark or Holland or Germany where they have special playgrounds for the elderly? Not joking now. They've been shown to improve physical and cognitive health.

Some years ago, (as an adult), I once had a go on a slide, in a normal playground, and I got stuck halfway down, due to being broad in the beam at the time.
On another i occasion, I got on a seesaw with my very much smaller and lighter friend on the other end, and of course, it didn't move, so her 12-yr old daughter got on with her. It still didn't move.

I decided to lose weight after that! :rotfl:

Pyxis

PasturesNew wrote: »

As I said in an earlier post, it isn't really much about the "noise", it's the unpredictability of where they'll be "up to mischief/nuisance" next and in what form.

I could endure DOOFing if I knew it was entirely limited to a garden. That's something one can learn to blot out some of the time.

Unpredictability ..... is the thing. Knowing and experiencing things they have done in the past, who knows what will happen next...

It's not noise, it's: people doing stuff that's annoying in an area they shouldn't be doing those things in, on a regular basis, with the added "who knows what's next" element.

It's not noise, it's not just me. The conversation seems to perpetually forget that it's not just noise and it's not just me.

I do realise that, Pastures. I think I said in a previous post that it wouldn't be so bad if they were just playing in their own back gardens.

I know when my neighbour's two teenage boys were out the front with their football, I was on edge wondering if it would land on my car, and these were boys I knew well, who knew I was worried about my car! (It did land on it occasionally, so then I went out and wagged my finger at them and they apologised).
They grew a bit too big for that, in the end, and then moved away anyway.