Should I feel bad for not wanting my boyfriend's mum at my "baby shower"?

Brighton_belle

I don't think you are stupid lulu - you feel what you feel. My despair is at the unreasonableness of your OH's mother that you are put in this position. It's like she owns your body and any intimate experience. It's very unfair because you appear to bend over backwards to keep her included but she doesn't give an inch.

Mojisola

Brighton_belle wrote: »

It's very unfair because you appear to bend over backwards to keep her included but she doesn't give an inch.

This might be the problem - time to start setting some boundaries or she will think she has the right to be involved in every tiny corner of your life.

lulu_92

Mojisola wrote: »

This might be the problem - time to start setting some boundaries or she will think she has the right to be involved in every tiny corner of your life.

I do try to set boundaries, some more successful than others:rotfl: I thought me telling them that calling the house phone when they're outside the front door is not sufficient notice and next time they should have called ahead by an hour or so at least would have done the trick...obviously not.

I'm not afraid to stand up to her if she does kick up a fuss, I just don't want the fuss in the first place, nor do I want her expecting to come to my next scan as I am not comfortable enough around her to be in that situation with just her (only one companion allowed per scan)


I gave her the invitation on Sunday, addressed just to her and she said "oh me and [OH's dad]" can't wait. When OH and I told her it was a girls only affair, that OH wouldn't be there and we'd doubt his dad would enjoy it, she didn't understand the concept.

Mojisola

lulu_92 wrote: »

I do try to set boundaries, some more successful than others:rotfl: I thought me telling them that calling the house phone when they're outside the front door is not sufficient notice and next time they should have called ahead by an hour or so at least would have done the trick...obviously not.

I'm not afraid to stand up to her if she does kick up a fuss, I just don't want the fuss in the first place, nor do I want her expecting to come to my next scan as I am not comfortable enough around her to be in that situation with just her (only one companion allowed per scan)

You're not following through (something you'll need to learn as a parent!). If you set a boundary and she ignores it, something has to happen to make her take your words seriously.

Kaye1

You need to set boundaries and stick to them.

For example, when I was breastfeeding, I had an infected milk gland. Literally more painful than birth. The point is, I spent A LOT of time with a warm flannel on my bare breast and a child on the other. And if anyone thought I was going to move because they were wanting to barge in, they can think again.
If I knew someone was coming, I could dress in loose clothes, take some painkillers and try and be a human.
Your MiL is behaving like a toddler- showing off when things don't go her way. And as anyone on her will tell you, the best thing to do with a toddler tantrum is to ignore it.
Please just have your Mum around whenever you want!

Marvel1

The way I see it, it's strange as you having your friends and I presume kids there but not the future Gran. I suspect though you will not have any issues in contacting her when you need a babysitter!

Would like to point, the above is from the OP, I can see there are 15 pages in total, I have not read.

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

I am a bit worried about causing another problem. My OH lost his job last week (big shock to us both as the company restructured) and has an interview this week :j Problem is it is at the same time as my growth scan. I told him to go to the interview as it's way more important that he gets another job, and I'd ask my mum to come with me as she has the day off work and I don't fancy going alone, but I don't want his mum getting annoyed that I didn't ask her. It's not so my mum can see the babies, it's so I have some company (plus OH's mum got the scan photos from our private scan, and my mum didn't, so I think that should be an okay compromise).

Sorry to hear about your OH's job.

Re the situation about the scan, I'd like to remind you of this post you made a week or so ago:

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'm going to start putting my foot down as at the end of the day I am the one having to give birth to two babies and I'm the one carrying both of them (in my ribs I may add!!) until that day comes, which should give me more rights to do what I want (within reason of course!)

I would start by taking your Mum to the scan.
You really are making a rod for your own back here.

As Mojisola says:

Mojisola wrote: »

You're not following through (something you'll need to learn as a parent!). If you set a boundary and she ignores it, something has to happen to make her take your words seriously.

pollypenny

As a MIL I would expect my DIL's mother to accompany her if DS was unavailable.

That's totally different to being left out of a baby shower.

Sorry to hear about your OH's job. Best of luck with interview.

lulu_92

cjdavies wrote: »

The way I see it, it's strange as you having your friends and I presume kids there but not the future Gran. I suspect though you will not have any issues in contacting her when you need a babysitter!

Would like to point, the above is from the OP, I can see there are 15 pages in total, I have not read.

I would read the 15 pages if I were you. I've invited her.

I would feel weird asking anyone to babysit, twins is a lot of work to put on anyone!

Georgiegirl256

pollypenny wrote: »

As a MIL I would expect my DIL's mother to accompany her if DS was unavailable.

That's totally different to being left out of a baby shower.
.

Exactly. I think most MIL's would automatically expect that the DIL's mother would go with her.

I really think you're overthinking his lulu and are making a big deal about nothing. You are pre-empting problems which might or might not even occur. You don't want his mum getting annoyed? She probably won't, I think nearly all MIL's would totally understand. Don't make a big deal of it and just take your Mum. You are over analysing things.