Should I feel bad for not wanting my boyfriend's mum at my "baby shower"?

lulu_92

Pollycat wrote: »

Well, I'm confused who you want at the hospital and for what reason.

Based on your post above, it sounded - at least to me - that you wanted your mum at the hospital.

It just sounded like people thought I meant at the birth, which I haven't decided yet.

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

It just sounded like people thought I meant at the birth, which I haven't decided yet.

Well, I seemed to grasp what you meant......

Pollycat wrote: »

I can't remember if lulu said that she can't have her Mum because of hospital policy.

However, in light of this post (below) from lulu, it sounds to me like it's not hospital policy that is stopping her Mum being with her, but more a choice against her will because she doesn't want to upset her MIL.

I may be wrong but that's what I made of lulu's quote above.

ETA:
I wasn't talking about lulu's Mum being at the birth, you sort of sidetracked me by mentioning 'birth'.
I just said 'at the hospital'.

Another post from lulu seems to back this up (i.e. visiting the hospital, not at the birth):

GracieP

lulu_92 wrote: »

I do plan on breastfeeding, although I'm a bit scared I won't be successful. A double breast pump is on my list, but they're sooo expensive I need to pluck up the courage to buy it!

I have two friends who have breastfeed twins, one combined and one exclusively and they both recommended this Facebook group if you have a Facebook account. https://www.facebook.com/groups/460888727398997/?fref=ts

lulu_92

Pollycat wrote: »

Well, I seemed to grasp what you meant......

Yes, I know you did. There was just a lot of people saying about MIL being or not being at the birth, which definitely isn't going to happen. I'm kind of set on the birth being OH and I with my mum outside just in case, but she has said that once the babies are here she won't be coming to see them until we're ready for visitors (unless she is in the room when they arrive). I suppose this is why I have a big issue with OH's opinion on it as the way my mum is approaching it is how I imagine anyone would.

I suppose if I have a c-section I don't have to worry about people expecting or not expecting to be at the birth! :rotfl::rotfl:

dktreesea

Petra_70 wrote: »

If I want you around my house, I will INVITE you!

Couldn't have put it better myself! What is it, about in laws in particular, that don't get "my house is NOT your house", so don't treat it like it is? Usually no one turns up at our place without calling first (no point - we are often not here) and if they don't know me well enough to have my number, what makes them think I want them to come over? A lot of people these days, me included, especially those of us who work full time and have children, have enough of a time deficit as it is, without having to entertain whoever turns up uninvited. I'm glad I'm too old to imagine what having uninvited guests would be like if I had a new born to tend to as well.

jumpingjackd

dktreesea wrote: »

Couldn't have put it better myself! What is it, about in laws in particular, that don't get "my house is NOT your house", so don't treat it like it is? Usually no one turns up at our place without calling first (no point - we are often not here) and if they don't know me well enough to have my number, what makes them think I want them to come over? A lot of people these days, me included, especially those of us who work full time and have children, have enough of a time deficit as it is, without having to entertain whoever turns up uninvited. I'm glad I'm too old to imagine what having uninvited guests would be like if I had a new born to tend to as well.

My goodness, I do hope my DIL does not feel this way about me, as in your second sentence! Why "in laws in particular" ? Are they a breed apart? You may well find yourself in the position of being an in law when your children take a partner. I hope you can develop a good relationship with them!

I dont turn up unannounced at my son and DIL's house but I would hope if I ever had to then I would at least be welcomed.

Georgiegirl256

jumpingjackd wrote: »

I dont turn up unannounced at my son and DIL's house but I would hope if I ever had to then I would at least be welcomed.

If my MIL (or indeed my Mum or any other relative) turned up at my house uninvited they would be welcomed in no problem. They don't need an invitation to turn up, they're family, they're welcome any time.

I really don't understand this anger at people turning up uninvited.

Maybe it's what I'm used to, what I grew up with. We were always in and out of my nana and Grandas house, sometimes two or three times a day, and most definitely didn't need an invitation. Same goes for any other family member, and the same at ours.

If anyone is going out or is busy then the visitor understands. Maybe some people are just unlucky in that their family members don't get the hint.

With a new born that is obviously a whole different situation, my reply is to those who are angry about the practice in general.

jumpingjackd

My family all just walk in to my house along with their partners and some of their friends. Lately the door has been locked when my GS is here and he wants to wander, so they have to knock lol. In fairness I suppose it was that they lived here before moving out and see it still as theirs. Other family do turn up unannounced, they get welcomed and a coffee and told to "take us as they find us" especially if the grandchildren are here and its untidy.

pollypenny

When I was a child lots of the family were nearby and certainly didn't need an invitation to visit.

When I was a young mum, living on an estate with lots of other young families who became friends, we all just popped in. We supported each other, as few had families nearby.

In those days, the 70s, a phone call to check would have cost and soon add up. None of us could afford to waste money.

KxMx

Everyone does things differently and everyone has a right to decide how things go in their own home, for goodness sake!

In my family we respect that right and never turn up unannounced. Especially to my cousin's house where they have 6 month old twins.