A Diary of Reinventing Ourselves

Forward_thinking

Re the soft checks - OH claims that nothing is for free in this world and the companies operating the soft checks want to know your personal details for their own reasons. Whatever these may be, OH believes this will come back to haunt us at some point and doesn't want to go down this road. I don't think he genuinely believes that they will mark our credit history.

pelirocco

Forward_thinking wrote: »

Just been for a walk along the beach - that certainly blew a few cobwebs off. Oh then suggested we get an icecream. I dismissed that idea which wasn't very popular. Instead I have sent OH off to the shops to get some. Was surprised that he agreed. Was even more surprised when he walked out the door saying he was off to Lidls.

OH has agreed to look at some cars around his work place in London next week - says he will get more choice and it will take less time. So perhaps we will make slight progress afterall.

Pelirocco - yep, you're quite right. We were going to move but OH got a new contract and then decided he wanted to stay in this big place rather than live in a smaller one. I would much prefer to go smaller and throw more money at our debt. OH says it will cost us thousands to move and we don't have the deposit (suspect quite a lot will be taken off after multiple children in here). OH also says when they look at our accounts they will offer us very little for rent. Once before when we applied for a rental we got turned down and were told that they were only able to lend us £1200 a month. It wasn't because of our income but due to a complex picture with OH's company/dividends etc. Oh, and Pelirocco - six kids was to protect my identity. I've actually been a bit wary on this thread of saying how many children we have as larger families are more unusual these days and I am scared of being recognised. Hope you're not starting to think I am not being truthful - this diary has been a godsend for me and I really don't want to lose this place to vent Sorry, feeling a bit fragile this afternoon.

I posted to ask why you didn't make the changes that you recognised you needed 2 years ago .I am being harsh as you need to recognise you are in serious serious trouble , shaving a few £s off here and there isn't going to work .relying on the extra £200 per day you say your OH is going to earn isn't going to work as on the amount he is earning at the moment you shouldn't be in this predicament , has he money put aside for his tax bill plus the company tax bill ? You posted w years ago you were going to start earning a large amount , you are still talking about it .Your husband is a contractor , how long is is present contract for ?

It won't as people have pointed out cost you thousands to move....not sure I understand how you were turned down fir a rental because they could only lend you £1200 ?

I can't see what could be complex about proving income , how do you think other company directors manage to get mortgages

Most posters on here are sugar coating it

getmore4less

How much of that £200 per day will hit the family bottom line after taxes and soring the mess in the company accounts?

Ask him,

If he can't tell you make it his job to find out.

(edit: I suspect none of it for at least 2 years)

lee111s

Soft searched will lead to nothing, the finance industry has changed a lot since you last checked as you can probably tell by the amount of advice you've had on here to look for a BT card.


This very site allows you to check all of the major players and gives a pretty accurate representation of whether or not you'll be accepted. You literal have nothing to lose.

Forward_thinking

Well that was a windy and rainy walk along the beach. Certainly no cobwebs left here. Time for baths and hairwashes although they have been given a head start.

I do agree that the extra £200 a day is not the answer although it will certainly help a lot. I really believe we need to start looking at what we are earning in fine detail and adjusting accordingly. OH has some ideas on how to reduce the interest - will sit down with him tonight. Housework done between us all - even OH joined in this week so it didn't take long. He did have a little grumble at the end but that's fine. Ironing also up to date. Lots to achieve next week; onwards and upwards.

crazy_cat_lady

Pleased you're on the up. I think the old saying applies about taking care of the pennies and the pounds looking after themselves.

m4rc

Just spent quite some time catching up - a lot of stuff been happening since I last read anything from you FT!

I have lots of little comments to make and will jump all over the place?

It seems the cleaner situation is resolved or getting better, but I see you still have her in a couple of times a month. Is OH there when she comes? If not, don't tell him when she comes, pretend it's a day you have cleaned, and then on another day you've cleaned tell him he cleaner did it. I bet he thinks the cleaner did a better job. Then you can come clean, he won't like it but sometimes you have to prove a point.

Only paying the interest on the credit cards is, as you know, not the solution. I have been there, it just wastes so much money and you are just feeding the poor hungry people at the credit card company. There is a big sense of achievement from paying down a card debt quicky so your interest is minimal. Your husband doesn't want to change it, ask him what the solution is. I think he is trying to scare you, scare isn't the right word, not really sure what I'm thinking but it's about him saying he needs to pay the money back and may go to prison. Sure it could happen, it's unlikely though, and what's stupid is he has the ability to fix it all. You need to pay down your debts and reduce spending, that's it, nothing more complicated. If he can earn more it happens more quickly, if you earn it happens quicker still. But the only goals here are spending less and reducing debts.

How you do that is more complex, that's the stuff you are fighting for and doing a bloomin good job of. He says things that try to exert his alpha male role, you don't get this, you are just doing petty things there, he needs to earn more, he should be able to spend what he wants. He is part of a family, so really he needs to consider everyone - you and the little people too. You are all impacted by his decisions.

My household income is considerably less than yours, we have around £4,000 a month, but our debts were 21k. They bobbed around that level for years until I worked out just how many tens of thousands I'd paid in interest, I bet I could have bought a house, which is scary. We made changes - I have told you how we did it before - and cleared the debts a month short of 2 years later. It felt great, and now all our income was ours. When you have the money in the bank you can save or spend, it doesn't matter, and I honestly don't think your husbands desire to spend money is unreasonable, after all he earns enough. However, first he needs to pay off his debts. And then, if you have made changes and reduced the amounts you waste each month you will find there is more money left come the end of the month. That means you can save some.

Dishwasher tablets (told you I'd be jumping all over the place) - my wife was sure nothing could replace the fancy packaged over priced prime placed product we got in sainsburys, but I got some Aldi Magnum tablets and showed her how they won awards on Good Housekeeping. She thinks they are the best out there and that's all we get now, they are some of the cheapest around too. Aldi don't sell garbage, it's just different.

I do agree about not sending your Oh to Costco, certainly not with a credit card! They sell everything, men go shopping for a couple of items and come home with a CD and some tools from a supermarket, the stuff they sell at Costco wil bankrupt you!

If you have a credit card cleared (thinking of the £800 one) ring them to close it, they will want to keep you and may well offer a decent balance transfer deal. If not ask for one, they can only say no.

For years I thought I had to work harder to get more. I now work less than I have ever worked and earn more than for a very long time - I once had a lucky few years, if I exclude them I have never earn more than I do now. I used to enjoy work, but I now realise I want to live, I want to do stuff other than work. What's the point of earning money if you can't spend it? Your OH is basically working really hard to give it all to credit card companies, a car hire company and people charging him too much. You can have a better lifestyle, more time together and be able to spend or save your incomes. That's how he needs to think, but until he does, not sure you can do much more. He needs to make the connection, you can't force it. He clearly isn't stupid, he must realise, but he is so used to simply giving all his money away each month.

I remember a friend telling me his small company (it was a big small company but still small, he had 50 employees ish) was more profitable than.... And he reeled off a list of huge multinational companies we have all heard of. I laughed at him, until he pointed out they were all making nothing, it was all debt and fancy advertising. It's true, his teeny company made more profit than some wih thousands of employees. Your family is, ultimately, earning as much net as someone working in Maceonalds and living with his mum, in fact he's better off than you guys, and he gets free milkshakes! So what's all the effort for? It's not going to get better, if he earns more he will spend more.

I know you have made changes, I know things are getting bette,r I was just trying to show you some examples of the real problem with thinking it is ok to just carry on. You are NOT tinkering in the spoon drawer, you are the troubleshooter who has been brought in to the huge company that is going downhill fast and you are tasked with turning it round and saving it from being shut down. The staff there don't want you to make changes, the bosses don't like you being there as they don't want to admit they were wrong, but your job is to turn it round. I reckon you can do it, and that's worth more than getting your business running and making a few quid to patch up the holes in the bucket.

I would have got a little cross when he said you want all your things now, when you were asking for the financial details. He needs to know that whatever he wants, whatever he believes you a re doing this stuff for the whole family, he may not like it but it's happening. If he loves and respects you he needs to at the least not obstruct you from doing this, even if he won't help. He won't like it, but you are a partnership, you have a right to ask for this stuff, you have a right to say you want to build something for the future of the family, for the children. Sorry, but as it stands your kids will have to put themselves through uni, that's if they get any financial support as assessed on your earnings you will have to cover their costs of guess. I'm sure he wants to help them, but his way isn't helping them. And what about a house? You guys need to think about buying a home, you can't rent forever surely. I don't know how old he is, but at some point he will be too old for a mortgage unless he has a good pension, I don't remember seeing anything for pension in your SOA. Does he really want to work like this until he's 80?

I'm being harsh, but I'm being honest, I know you can take it and I know you realise it all really, but I'm just repeating it.

I'm going to say again, kids future, kids future, kids future. So that's uni, first car, weddings, deposits for a home, you guys are in the fortunate position to be able to do amazing things to get your kids on the ladder of life, but you can't start saving the week before they head off to uni. If he won't do this for you or himself how about for the little people?

I laughed about the smoke alarm, but not about the same thing as you I think. Did you nag him about it? Did you mention it? If not it shows he is thinking, and actually not saying anything makes a big impact. I would have done that with the financial records, nagging didn't help although ey eventually came, I would make it very clear I wanted them, ask him when they were coming, ask him once more when they didn't arrive then not say a word. He knows you know, and he knows you know he knows, silence is a killer sometimes, it's incredibly powerful. Use it when bartering for a deal on your broadband or a bill, ask for the best price and then when you have it just pause. Let them speak first, it's painful, but it can really work. Try it on the kids!!

A bit rude maybe but I'm sorry to say your husband doesn't understand compound interest, he's just trying to make out you don't. I'm not convinced he understands any interest really. He has done about as much research on credit cards as I have on gynaecology. I mean, I'm interested in the subject matter but I'm not sure the magazines I used to read as a kid qualify as studying! He is just trying to say 'I know all about this stuff so leave it to me' which is fine, but he isn't sorting it out. Stick with it. Or, get him to sit down and explain the compexitities of compound interest and show you why you are never paying down your debts. I bet he won't want to show you!

Saying you are wasting your time by reducing bills is totally wrong. I think you saved £14 a month with BT, so that's £168 a year, £840 over 5 years assuming you can keep a similar saving as prices rise. £840 for a couple of hours work - you earn more than he does!

Your point about not having a fixed monthly income to calculate from. Your best solution is to assume he always earns the lowest amount in the range, that way you are never shocked, but also you count anything over that amount as savings and clear debts with it. That may mean his income falls dramatically, but that's how it has to work.

I still don't think he has considered 'what if' - you said he was without a contract before for some time, it can happen, and it probably will happen, I doubt his area of work is bulletproof, he needs to work towards the worst case sceanriao, start building a safety net. Part of that is having minimal outgoings, a good amount saved and no debts to worry about.

Your Father in Law and the money. I like the idea of offering it and if he doesn't want it he can give it to the kids in trust, but I also have a feeling he is very serious about not wanting it. How would you feel in his position of they then turned round and tried to give it back, it could be a little insulting.

The balance transfer fee in the thousands made me laugh, he really is just trying to pretend he knows about surf he doesn't get and be the leader of the clan and you shouldn't get involved. I have never paid more than 1.5% BT fee I think, and he highest I have ever seen is 3% but I wouldn't pay that I'd argue and haggle. To be 2k he must have debts several times what you know about!

He does hope you will give up and carry on as it was before by keep saying it's complicated and you don't understand. As an educated woman, who he thinks should be running her own company, you should be insulted and tell him so, that's rude, I'm sure he wouldn't accept you saying he was thick!

The car. I'd buy from a trader over an eBay sale any day of the week, the trader has a site I can visit when it goes wrong. I'd bet the majority of cars sold on eBay are traders pretending anyway, the checks don't exist to stop them, they can just take the car home and sell it from their drive, doesn't make it a private sale. Not sure your hubby is much of a car buyer with experience considering he thinks it's good value to hire one for 6 years, he's gone from one extreme to the per, he's been paying the ultimate ripoff for using a car.

When he came in with the shopping and wanted to show you his bargains, that was very funny but flippin eck go wih it, that's what you want! Tell him he is amazing, tell him Martin Lewis must be getting worried! You need him to feel that buzz that I said you get from saving money, he will want more. Polish his ego bless him, let him have a smile.

Not sure what his issue is with soft checks, and nothing is free, well some stuff is free, but they don't actually give you anything, all they do is tell you if they will give you a credit card. I'm trying to think how that can be bad.... If they say no, they gain nothing and lose a customer, if they say yes they gain a customer and you get the deal you want. Error, what's the issue again? Yes they will have your address, they don't ask much info actually, very little, and they may send you some promo material to get you to have a card, which is what you want. Again, what's the issue? Seriously, ask him to explain it!

Lastly, try not to stress about people recognising you on here. So what if anyone did, but firstly I'm not sure it's possible as you are vague - good vague, not ignoring questions just not giving the details people may need to identify you. Secondly, I'm not sure anyone would want to, there are a few armchair Miss Marples here, just ignore them. I'm not exactly subtle about my name, if I could have used it I would have done, I couldn't care less if anyone recognised me, I have nothing to hide, and neither do you. Wi all that said, as big as this site is it's still teeny, especially the forums and this section, it's not exactly a case of you come on the next day and can't read through the posts. I have often thought about where you may be from but you don't give enough away, so no, I wouldn't have a clue. I've always wondered what it is you did, but I know you won't want to tell so I wouldn't ask.

So sorry for the really long post, had a lot of catching up to do, I must go and do some housework!

Keep up the great work, you are getting there, even though you find it frustrating

Forward_thinking

:jM4rc!!!!!! How pleased am I to see you back!! Was standing up holding the little one reading this but seeing how much time you have devoted to a stranger I will now go and sit down and take onboard each and every word. Thank you!!!

Forward_thinking

M4rc - immensely grateful. Need to get to bed but will reply in the morning. I actually read out some of your post to my husband - both had a couple of glasses of wine. Obviously, I left out a lot but thought he might listen a bit more if it was coming from someone else other than the 'nagging wife'. He listened intently and only made a few inaudible noises when I read the compound interest bit.

OH says he has a plan for the credit cards. I need to go over it with him in the morning but it's great he has given it some thought.

Got a busy old day ahead tomorrow: have cut and paste a previous list for my own purposes - please ignore....

clean my own house!
- Do my own ironing!
- Take over the internet shop!
- Wade through the bank accounts.
- Wade through the company accounts.
- Draw up a new SOA.
- Put magnifying glass on all direct debits.
- Get to know YNAB - looks complex.
- Close monitoring of accounts and everyday budgeting
- And equally as important, set up new business.
- Run new business.
- Look after four children.

Forward_thinking

Morning!!!! Up and away we go. On the list today -

Finalise ovo change
Check bank statements and direct debits carefully
Cancel two direct debits - sad but necessary
Ring about a car we have seen
Email re my work
Read a chapter of related work book
Amazon - look for cheap monthly subscriptions on Amazon Family
Quick declutter and clean.

So lots to achieve : ))

i've started the s diet today - just three meals and no snacking in between with no sweets, sugar or snacks until the weekend. Started the morning off with a huge breakfast which was quite difficult as it's unusual for me. Have just had a large smoothie and two pieces of toast and feel energised. Now nothing until 1.30 which is going to be tricky as I'm used to a sugar fix at around 11am.

Tempted to ask OH if he is going to ring up the banks about the credit cards today but will resist. He's had the idea and I expect him to take a few days to get around to it - that's the way he works.

M4rc, I have just reread your wonderful post. Thank you - extremely helpful and I have read it multiple times absorbing all your wonderful advice. I feel bad not responding to it in more detail after all the time you spent to write it but I don't really have any sensible response. I just agreed with everything you said - but a huge thanks.

Off to get stuck in to today's goals. Oh, and not forgetting some fun time with my little one here by my side.