A Diary of Reinventing Ourselves

Chrysalis1976

You're doing great, keep going my dh took years of chipping away for him to see why it was such a good thing to money save, budget and plan. It's still a long term process but with a few of my debts ending this year I think his lightbulb is glowing brighter and brighter.

Keep strong, keep posting and well done.

C x

Forward_thinking

Thank you Chrysalis - means a lot.

Willowpop

FT, you're going great guns and this is an ideal place to vent and keep a diary.
You can post what you like...5 kids, 10 kids, whatever..you don't have to convince anyone whether you're being honest or not. Some people will go through posts and nit pick details, not realising that sometimes people slightly alter details that they feel are too personal. I've never mentioned my line of work on here and never will, but I may have said 'an office' or something like that which is absolutely not true. I know of at least one post who has publicly said they have a son. They don't. They have a daughter. You can post s many truths or untruths on her as you like, the main thing is that yiu get the advice you need. If anyone sees fit to query anything, either answer as you did, or don't respond.

wintersunseeker

I hardly ever comment but really wanted to say - first, I think you are very brave and determined and hope you continue to get all the help you need; second, that you MUST continue to disguise your identity as much as possible; third, ignore the 'detectives' who spot the odd inconsistency and assume it's all lies. The deeper truth is what matters and I think that the reason your thread is growing so fast is that your fundamental truthfulness is coming through.
But please don't drop any more clues, however provoked you are.

Forward_thinking

Thanks you lovely people. And wintersunseeker - you made me well up. Thank you so much for posting for me. You know, if I didn't do this diary I think all momentum would be lost. I feel so fired up at the moment. And thanks for saying not to clarify details - I almost clarified whether I have 4, 5 or 6 children but that wouldn't have been the right or sensible thing to do. Thanks for being there. I genuinely feel supported on here and not alone in these dark times.

crazy_cat_lady

Don't give up. For every person that criticises you there are another 40 or 50 right behind you. It's the same wherever you go in life.

getmore4less

Some thing make the numbers make more sense.

eg the groceries were high but feeding two adults needs different target to a family with a pack of kids one bein.g a baby
A child here or there makes a bit of a difference to the target but when you are in the £100s out not so important. when scraping for another £25pm then a kid or two does make a difference to a tight budget

What I will say is I don't think you can afford another one for a while

if the £ numbers are relatively close then that can help a lot with guidance.
I think you would benefit once you get the numbers to do something simple like aim for £5k spends and the rest goes to sorting out the debts and directors loan and/or get a debt free target date in mind based on current incomes might be 3 years might be 4, if/when new income comes online you can then think about how to allocate it, higher debts payments or maybe some extra spends.

Don't fall into the trap of spending it before you get it.

Sometimes there is something hiding in the numbers that gets missed there was a good example last year on one thread there was a lot going on all good stuff payments being made etc. but the thing that was getting missed was there was a critical mortgage deadline that needed a fairy large monthly payment and missing it could have serious consequences, that poster is back on track and doing very well juggling their work/life/money balance.

Sometimes a single payment/issue may drive everything else around it.

I wonder if this directors loan is going to be yours as that seems to have the shortest deadline(2 years) to be sorted, if you work out what you need to allocate to that then that will tell you what is left for everything else.

brizzledfw

Puzzcat wrote: »

Hi Lurker here!
Ft, all we know about you is you rent a house, have 4 children, drive an older car and have an OH who has had his head buried in the sand when it comes to finances. I read many diaries and haven't identified anyone I know and even if I did I would certainly not 'out' them!
My diary is full of stuff that probably could identify me but I always check that I haven't included any give away names before posting.
Keep going you have loads of us cheering you on.
Love Puzz.x

Seconded xx

enthusiasticsaver

So your OH braved Lidls then did he? Glad he was fired up about saving money as that shows he is getting on board. Hopefully he will get there about the car.


As for the people who pick through old threads looking for discrepancies, please just ignore. Most people would totally get you needing to remain anonymous so if you feel the need to change details to maintain your anonymity no problem. You seem so fired up with enthusiasm and until your OH is completely on board I think this thread is helping to support you and you have had great advice. You must do what is right for you though.


Glad you have realised you do not need to iron bedding - I am just upstairs to put my clean unironed bedding on my bed That will save you some time bearing in mind you have a few beds to change


I would focus next week on soft searches to see if a BT is on the cards and maybe do a new soa. That and carry on with the moneysaving initiatives and the new car.

Forward_thinking

He did indeed!!!! And came back so full of himself and the savings he had made. We had a lovely home cooked lasagne with more for tomorrow. I have never seen the kitchen so full of food - so much better than coming in with bags each night.

I would love to get stuck into doing soft searches but OH adamantly refuses to let me use any of his details. Says I can put in my own personal details and his income but without knowing much about soft searches I am sure that is completely pointless. He claims there is absolutely no way he is getting yet another credit card and he will see what he can do with the ones he has. He states that if he can somehow get it paid off he could put it back on at 0%. He tells me he has plans, studied up lots on credit cards a few years ago and to just give him time. I'm hoping he has actually gone away with this in his mind but won't hold my breath. I think it's ridiculous that he won't let me look around to see if there is another card we could use. The problem is he knows I don't know very much about this area and he doesn't mind telling me that - which kind of quells the conversation.

As for the company accounts, I have absolutely no idea of the state of affairs and it seems he doesn't either. One minute he says he might owe 30k, or 40k or even 60k. Again, I really don't think he is hiding things from me - he just doesn't have a clue. He asks why on earth I want to know as it will make no difference to our situation. He tells me it's like wanting to know the date you will die - doesn't change a thing. I have no idea what he is thinking - he seems to have accepted that there is nothing we can do about it and so waits for the gun to his head to happen. He keeps telling me I am playing about in the teaspoon drawer in the corner whilst 10,000 zulus are coming over the hill towards us. So I think deep down he is scared but refusing to acknowledge this. I just wish he would help me see the whole picture so we can fight this together. He tells me he needs to give his company accounts to his accountant in mid-March so he will have the facts then but that it will take about three days to get everything together. However, he also states that his company accounts are squeaky clean, albeit a bit messy. I do believe this and don't feel he is hiding anything from me - not on purpose anyway.

Thanks for your supportive messages. I really have changed very very little in my story. There is the occasional minor, minor detail I have changed incase parents end up on here but I really do realise that if I start giving false details it will skew the picture and any help offered may not be representative of our situation. The only larger detail I have sometimes floated between is our large family which is the one thing which may 'out' me; yes, one thread said six, and I actually went through and edited some posts last night at 1am because I thought my stated number of children may identify me. I really want to avoid saying how many children we have but can confirm there are definitely not six in here!!!

Right, off to do two hours of ironing. Oh, how I am paying for my wonderfully luxurious past.