A Diary of Reinventing Ourselves

getmore4less

I think I would back off on the car,

let him sort it out the way he wants a lease is a good comprimise, cheaper than hire, lower risk than old second hand.

Any more influence on the decision will just cause more issues if it goes wrong.

I think it may be time to let the current changes sink in for a bit and focus on the business for a week.

Have you decided how that will be structured self employed ltd etc probably worth doing that before going live.

Is hubby expecting you to use his accountant?

Queen.Bess

Hi FT

I do agree with what matchbox and getmore have written.

OH does need to face up to the overspending and he needs to help with getting yourselves out of the situation and move forward. Therefore, if it helps him to feel part of the moving forward to take the lead on the car then let him. If, overall what he chooses saves you money then look at the positives of that, rather than the turning down of the offer from his parents, which obviously has hurt him.

You are going to feel frustrated, resentful and bitter, even down the line they may reappear even when the situation is better. I've been there, and still now every so often, when I look at the debt I still have the reason why I have it, and the attitude of my OH before he confessed still riles me! However, we are still together, we are still a team and as long as one of the team is keeping going, the other one will follow, esp. if they want to stay on the team! (Oh blimey - what a sporty analogy there!)

You will be fine, please carry on, you are doing well. QBx

Brightspark87

Just to pop up again and say how well you are doing. Stay positive you've come so far in a short amount of time - yes you need your OH on board but with you being the driving force he will soon come round I am sure. He is so used to sticking his head in the sand and 'being the one in charge of the finances' breaking that habit will take time. Stay strong

getmore4less

Who normaly organises/plans the family holiday?

If it is you,

Another angle is how much have we got to spend on this years holiday.

This gives a break for the cut this cut that etc.

Forward_thinking

Thanks everyone. Just cancelled another tiny direct debit and have just noticed we are paying out £30 annually for card protection. It's about to renew - I don't think we need that anymore do we? Will have to investigate.

I'm almost at the point where I have gone through all our finances and know what direct debits we now have and what comes in and goes out. I've still got to research our car/house insurance policies.

I now feel I want to be able to put all this information down somewhere but don't know where to start. I want to be able to track ingoings and outgoings in one place and be able to come along each day and see the whole picture. At the moment I have a notebook with notes all over it and as I said before I am a bit of a neat freak and it is driving me slightly crazy.

If anyone could suggest how and where to start making my overall picture I would be hugely grateful. I don't have time to start devising my own spreadsheets although I am sure that would be the perfect solution. I was going to look at YNAB but know that some have advised this may not be the right time or right tool. I will look at the MSE tool but wondered if I am going down the right path?

Thanks for the kind messages - you are quite right and there is a complete inequality in power on the financial front. However, this is probably just as much my fault as I have had my head in textbooks and children for the last few years. Now that I have woken up from this coma I will sort this and OH hasn't put any real resistance to me getting the picture. He has now given me all access to all accounts including the business account and I do feel a lot more in control.

OH said last night that he didn't want me to talk about this with people because he has buffered me from it all until now and has done a fine job!!! He says he has bought us another couple of years by juggling money and we would have gone under if it wasn't for him. He says it isn't my problem - it's his to worry about and I am not a contributor. Completely oblivious to the fact that I am indeed involved and 'buffering' me from the situation is not the answer. If the pack of cards falls down tomorrow he is not going to be able to protect me from it anymore - or the children. We would be out on the streets and have to take them out of their stable and happy childhoods. Hopefully we will get through this as a team and out the other side. I won't hold any bitterness about the debts - I had a great time making this mess too. The only one thing I will always curse him for is not agreeing to buy a house many many years ago.

Right, off for meal two. Diet is going great : ))

Forward_thinking

getmore4less - it's me who organises the holiday but that is always a bone of contention. OH never wants to book anything and gets grumpy pointing out that it simply goes on the cards. That gets raised regularly and would be the one thing he would want to drop. However, once we get away he always agrees that we desperately all needed a break. No £5k holiday this year although I do intend to use our flight points for free flights to Majorca and then look for a cheap place to stay somewhere. But I have promised myself that a prerequisite for this is me earning in the next couple of months.

matchboxfull

FT, what do you say when he says that you don't contribute?

Morally and lawfully you do contribute, whether you earn money or not, because you have children together. If he had the children, but no you, he'd be up !!!!!! creak.

Forward_thinking

Hi matchbox, it didn't go down very well. I don't think he meant it as in 'I don't contribute'. He seems to think that the debt situation is all down to him to sort because he's the one that earns at the moment. He claims he has protected me from it all.

getmore4less

Forward_thinking wrote: »

getmore4less - it's me who organises the holiday but that is always a bone of contention. OH never wants to book anything and gets grumpy pointing out that it simply goes on the cards. That gets raised regularly and would be the one thing he would want to drop. However, once we get away he always agrees that we desperately all needed a break. No £5k holiday this year although I do intend to use our flight points for free flights to Majorca and then look for a cheap place to stay somewhere. But I have promised myself that a prerequisite for this is me earning in the next couple of months.

That's why I was carefull to say ask how much there is, if he says he does not know, it only goes on the cards... then you say "you mean nothing", leave it not to be mentioned again unless he asks.

getmore4less

Forward_thinking wrote: »

have just noticed we are paying out £30 annually for card protection.

What sort of card protection?

A lot don't pay out if self employed/directors.