Husband's 10 year+ affair with other woman he met online, I'm worried now.

heuchera

Well, that was interesting.. :rotfl:

I know truth can be stranger than fiction, and people can and do have longstanding affairs without their other half knowing.. but there's several holes in this particular tale of woe which conveniently can't be explained, 'due to privacy'.

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Taking bets on whether the first post will be replaced by .........................................

No point - splishsplash has quoted it, post 4.

It's always good to quote things if you have a sneaking suspicion there's something dodgy about the post, or that they may come back and delete it

bluelass

Have you made an appointment or sought advice from a family lawyer yet?. If this is real then it really is in your best interests to do so. And your husband has really done his research before landing you with this. He is aware if he keeps the children he will not be have to leave the family home and you will have to support him as well as the girls. Hmm he has plotted this very well and terribly snide.

yvonne13_2

Candyapple wrote: »

Whilst this thread may have been an invention of the OP’s imagination, I think a lot of people would be surprised given the amount of women who are totally oblivious to their husbands/partners having long term affairs. Not to mention I would imagine that statistic would be even higher for stay-at-home dads or households where the woman is the breadwinner – along the lines of men feeling emasculated + easy internet access = recipe for disaster.

Let’s assume the OP’s story was true, well for starters the other woman moving over to the UK to live permanently would require many, many hoops to jump which will be costly and also take many years to legally attain right to remain and/or British citizenship. Not to mention your husband only works part-time at M&S and wants to quit, how is he supposed to support her AND your children? I would think more than likely it’s all pipe dream stuff really; your husband got bored and found a side chick who was just far enough out of reach to really affect his day-to-day life. Now that she has illusions of grandeur of wanting to move over here, the bleep hit the fan and he had to come clean.

No doubt assuming say she did move over here, was your husband planning on moving her into your family home? LOL. Or was she supposed to be renting somewhere for 4 weeks and them two live together as man and wife? Once the honeymoon period wore off and she realised that she would be the one picking up his dirty laundry, dealing with his bad habits, moods, lack of money given that he would have no job, another woman’s 2 kids to contend with who will always be his number one priority over her which all comes part and parcel of living with someone, coupled with the crap British weather, I would imagine their relationship would fizzle out very quickly.

Leave them to it and focus on repairing your relationship with your children which from what you have described if they were in on his lies too, is very damaged, putting it mildly.

The OP said it's been going on for 10 years so perhaps its taken that long for them to get the paperwork sorted out or whatever. Her husband is leaving her and moving in with the woman when she comes over and buys a house so I think she would be left with the mortgage to pay.

The OP was talking about buying a new car, but I think in some strange way it has something to do with her trying to show her husband that she can give him things like the other woman can.

If I'm wrong then sorry, but I hope the OP is getting professional help for the situation she's going through.

Gigervamp

bluelass wrote: »

If I were in your shoes I would be considering a hit man no kidding.

Seriously? You're encouraging the OP to hire someone to murder her husband?

You know that's not only morally reprehensible, but ILLEGAL.

You have a very wrong mind. :mad:

I thought about reporting your post, but I want others to see what you have written here.

Lioness_Twinkletoes

I got to post #20 before calling bullsh*t.

duchy

The thing that struck me is the attitude that although he is the primary caregiver and works part-time and the OP works fulltime and is away for work a lot that she should be entitled to the family home and he should move out and rent a home for him and the children and the OP stay in their marital home alone.

Had this post read - My marriage has always been unhappy , my husband works away often and I am the primary caregiver. I've a wonderful man who is going to give up his life in America to be with me and the children after waiting for me for ten years- the advice would have been to ask the husband to leave and advise the poster that as the primary caregiver not only could they stay in the house but were also entitled to child support . No-one would have for a moment suggested that the wife moved out leaving her errant husband and the kids to live happily ever after with the new partner.

I;m wondering why the advice is so different (I'm not saying either is right -just that there is a double standard going on).

Stevie_Palimo

duchy wrote: »

The thing that struck me is the attitude that although he is the primary caregiver and works part-time and the OP works fulltime and is away for work a lot that she should be entitled to the family home and he should move out and rent a home for him and the children and the OP stay in their marital home alone.

Had this post read - My marriage has always been unhappy , my husband works away often and I am the primary caregiver. I've a wonderful man who is going to give up his life in America to be with me and the children after waiting for me for ten years- the advice would have been to ask the husband to leave and advise the poster that as the primary caregiver not only could they stay in the house but were also entitled to child support . No-one would have for a moment suggested that the wife moved out leaving her errant husband and the kids to live happily ever after with the new partner.

I;m wondering why the advice is so different (I'm not saying either is right -just that there is a double standard going on).

Is this not the norm though and always the mans fault no matter who has cheated or caused the issues with couples.

splishsplash

suki1964 wrote: »

Can I ask, seriously, why do members invest so much of their time and experience to threads like this?

I mean seriously , there are more holes in it then a Gouda

The OP is a familiar story, nothing new, just a different way of dressing it up. Same Sh|t Different Day, to steal from Stephen King. Many people waking up this morning are going to face a similar situation today.

Many people invest years of their lives in their marriage believing it to be one thing, whereas the reality is very different.
People get blindsided every day, then all of a sudden have to deal with everything all at once - discovering a huge betrayal; realizing that someone is not only not the loving partner you thought they were, they're actually trying to shaft you. Feeling humiliated because you didn't spot how you were played for years; fear for the future, what's going to happen with the kids, house, money; where to start... and all the time grieving for the life you have just lost.

If people share their time and experience, it may help someone else if not the OP, so where's the harm if they choose to contribute?

seven-day-weekend

The thing I find most difficult to believe is that the children didn't say anything, as they must have met the woman when they were quite young. They might not have understood the situation at the time, but I feel they would have said something like ''we went to the park with daddy and 'his friend's name'.

Even if they have only just met her and their choice is to stay with their primary caregiver (their father), then they are going to be shocked and upset and it would have shown in their behaviour.

And I don't wish to sound 'able-ist' here, but people with Down's Syndrome are normally very open and honest, I feel this daughter at least would have had great problems in hiding such a thing from their mum.

Ths does not ring true at all.

Bollotom

Post from bluelass
Who the hell does he think he is?. And you should not be worrying about this woman's immigration status, you should be getting in touch with a good lawyer promptly. He obviously has planned this for years and if he thinks he can get away with this he will try to get you to walk away penniless with no roof over your head. You must involve your family and close friends you are going to be in for the fight of your life and you need allies on your side.I would like to call this woman some names but I would get banned from the site if I did. And who is she to think you can be made to just walk away with nothing including your own children?. If I were in your shoes I would be considering a hit man no kidding. Now you really need to stand up for yourself be strong and use all your lifes energy and dignity and put up the fight of your life and do nothing less.

Gigervamp wrote: »

Seriously? You're encouraging the OP to hire someone to murder her husband?

You know that's not only morally reprehensible, but ILLEGAL.

You have a very wrong mind. :mad:

I thought about reporting your post, but I want others to see what you have written here.

I have reported it. Absolutely unforgivable. To even think this is sick. Bluelass must have a very sick mind and should consult a doctor. And should be kept away from children. I can't believe anyone would say such a thing on a public forum.