Best friend's new friend

catmiaow

We've been friends nearly 7 years and all that time (other than the last 4 months) we have never argued and have just been very close.

She met a new friend seven months ago, three months later she said to me that she was annoyed that I always went to the cinema with My Mum and not her. We still met up in that time, but just for meals or she came to my house(at my suggestion, not hers).

I told her that she never invited me to go to the cinema and I stopped as I wanted her to make more effort. She suggested a film we could see and told me she would let me know. She didn't let me know, I find out on Facebook she went with the new friend. I did tell her that was out of order. Since then we have been to the cinema once together at my suggestion.

I started to get the feeling about her friend, that she was an attention seeker and noticed that my friend was changing and not in a good way. I started to dislike the new friend, but never said anything to my best friend.

Before Christmas she sent me and her new friend a joint message asking us to go out for a meal, I was ill so politely declined. When she came over to my house, I told her that I wasn't keen on her new friend and assumed that she would get the hint not to invite us both out. We talked about a few things we were going to do after Christmas. I helped her move house, but other than that I had not been invited to her new house and she has been there a month (This happens to be 10 minutes away from me).

Since then I have seen her four times and that was three times coming to my house for dinner. Last week she opened a group message suggesting me and her friend do the thing we were talking about doing. I felt annoyed, because she knew I didn't like her and I was obviously going to decline. I politely declined and left the message because I wasn't going. My best friend messaged me asking me why I declined and I told her I felt it was rude she invited her new friend when didn't talk to me first, plus to what we had arranged.

The next day I noticed that her friend had blocked me, weird because we were never friends on Facebook so it was unnecessary. I asked my friend if something had been said and she denied it. The next day a friend messaged me and told me her friend had tagged her in a post stating they had been to places we had talked about going to before Christmas and how they had future plans. This totally annoyed me because I didn't know when I was seeing her next, let alone future plans.

I messaged her and told her I feel that she has been different and I felt like she made no effort and I felt like a spare part. She did not seem to understand my point, even though I laid it clearly out there for her. She apologised but it didn't feel genuine because she didn't seem to to try and redeem things, other than stick up for her new friend. I suggested going to her house to sort things out. I just want to know from an outsider's point of view, what people think about the situation? We both have other friends, that has never affected our friendship.

System

Too many mind games in play here.... Just move on!

Guest101

Assuming you are under 16 - 18 - talk to your mum


Assuming you are 18-21 - it'll pass


Assuming you are over 21 - time to grow up, these things don't matter

catmiaow

Yeah rude and unhelpful. Thanks!

heuchera

catmiaow wrote: »

We've been friends nearly 7 years and all that time (other than the last 4 months) we have never argued and have just been very close.

She met a new friend seven months ago, three months later she said to me that she was annoyed that I always went to the cinema with My Mum and not her. We still met up in that time, but just for meals or she came to my house(at my suggestion, not hers).

I told her that she never invited me to go to the cinema and I stopped as I wanted her to make more effort. She suggested a film we could see and told me she would let me know. She didn't let me know, I find out on Facebook she went with the new friend. I did tell her that was out of order. Since then we have been to the cinema once together at my suggestion.

I started to get the feeling about her friend, that she was an attention seeker and noticed that my friend was changing and not in a good way. I started to dislike the new friend, but never said anything to my best friend.

Before Christmas she sent me and her new friend a joint message asking us to go out for a meal, I was ill so politely declined. When she came over to my house, I told her that I wasn't keen on her new friend and assumed that she would get the hint not to invite us both out. We talked about a few things we were going to do after Christmas. I helped her move house, but other than that I had not been invited to her new house and she has been there a month (This happens to be 10 minutes away from me).

Since then I have seen her four times and that was three times coming to my house for dinner. Last week she opened a group message suggesting me and her friend do the thing we were talking about doing. I felt annoyed, because she knew I didn't like her and I was obviously going to decline. I politely declined and left the message because I wasn't going. My best friend messaged me asking me why I declined and I told her I felt it was rude she invited her new friend when didn't talk to me first, plus to what we had arranged.

The next day I noticed that her friend had blocked me, weird because we were never friends on Facebook so it was unnecessary. I asked my friend if something had been said and she denied it. The next day a friend messaged me and told me her friend had tagged her in a post stating they had been to places we had talked about going to before Christmas and how they had future plans. This totally annoyed me because I didn't know when I was seeing her next, let alone future plans.

I messaged her and told her I feel that she has been different and I felt like she made no effort and I felt like a spare part. She did not seem to understand my point, even though I laid it clearly out there for her. She apologised but it didn't feel genuine because she didn't seem to to try and redeem things, other than stick up for her new friend. I suggested going to her house to sort things out. I just want to know from an outsider's point of view, what people think about the situation? We both have other friends, that has never affected our friendship.

What is your question? You want our opinions on the situation in general?

catmiaow

heuchera wrote: »

What is your question? You want our opinions on the situation in general?

Yes, I want to know how others would feel in my situation and really what do I do from here? If she isn't seeing my point then she won't change.

enthusiasticsaver

I would let this friendship go. Some friendships last and some not. This just sounds like too much grief particularly as you are not keen on her other friend and she does not seem prepared to exclude her from your arrangements. Give her some distance and don't contact her.

tea_lover

She's just not that into you.

Money_maker

Too many messages which can be misread or the intent misunderstood. Invite her out to coffee at your local coffee shop and discuss it between you. This will help you to discover if the friendships worth keeping or not.

pigpen

time to move on, she already has!!

It is possible to maintain more than one friendship.. and for the sake of a couple of hours be civil to a friend of a friend.. even I can manage that and I'm a total b!tch of the highest order.

I wouldn't feel anything in your position.. I'd have moved on already.. you lived for many years without this person in your life you will survive when she is gone from it.

catmiaow

Well the first time I was ill. The second suggestion was all day and I didn't fancy that.