worried my friend is preparing to marry a gold digger and he's besotted with her.

POPPYOSCAR

I think some are being a little harsh on the OP.


"Love is Blind" as they say.


I understand your concern for your friend. We have a family member who my OH and I dread ending up with their current partner as we can see all sorts of problems in the future.


We have voiced our concerns and been told "I know" but have left it at that.


You cannot choose who someone falls in love with, you can only support and be there for them if and when it all goes wrong.


For now be a good friend and support him, whatever his choices.

Kynthia

When I'm nervous or uncomfortable some people that don't know me think I'm acting stand-offish or superior. Not everyone thinks it but some do, and it goes to show that impressions can be wrong. So OP I think you need to accept that impressions aren't enough and without evidence you need to accept that you're friend's choice is his own and nothing good comes from interfering with others relationships. Just be a good friend and try to get on with this woman and either you are right and you'll be there for him, or you are wrong and you'll still be friends anyway.

Using the term 'wife material' could be offensive so I wouldn't use that again if possible. It indicates a set idea of what women should be like when married as if they have a 'role' to fulfill rather than be whoever they are. People should marry when they love and like their partner as they are and all different types of marriages work. People can be different behind closed doors to what they are in public so relationships can work even when people can't understand how.

Running_Horse

heuchera wrote: »

Has anyone read Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewicka? This thread is so reminding me of that book :rotfl:

There's the widowed elderly dad, and a gold-digging younger woman, and the 2 sisters who normally don't get along find themselves united in trying to rid him of this awful woman.

An excellent read. It has to be said the victim didn't seem to mind his plight.

As for this discussion, I have the answer. Send this woman my way; she sounds like perfect wife material to me. Confident, well dressed, sexy, looks down her nose at nasty spiteful people. Just the sort of loving and supportive woman most men fantasise about marrying.

burnoutbabe

maybe just casually discuss the hosue purchase and drop in "and Mary is renting out her house I assume? What sort of market do you reckon it appeals to"

that will tell you if she is or not (one assumes she'd not leave an asset on the table not earning money) and she could be using that share to pay her share of the mortgage. She may have no equity in the new house for all you know.

duchy

It's a good point about her owning her own property - yet the OP's friend still lives with his parents .

As a property owner already -so likely to have more equity than a FTB and with marriage plans it would appear she'd be the one with more financially at risk of the two as once married assets will become part of the joint marital property pot.

She has presumably a decent job as she dresses well and is confident -I wonder if *HER* friends regard her fiance as on to a good thing- or even that he's a gold digger ?

It's clear the OP doesn't like her but doesn't seem to have anything concrete to base his accusations on beyond dislike. Whilst gut feeling can be important - sometimes dislike or mistrust because you resent a friend moving on and maybe feeling they are leaving you behind can mess with instinct too.

The friend seems to have chosen to not discuss the financial arrangements of buying the property (and if she's got a mortgage already going onto a second mortgage is not simple). My fiance and I both own a property apiece -when the time is right we will sell both and buy together but for now it makes sense to keep both -and we are comfortable with that. In the situation above I could understand if the OP's friend wants to bring property to the marriage too-if she already has property and he doesn't.

enthusiasticsaver

I can't really add anything new to this discussion but would say if you are a friend you would try to get to know this woman and find out what your friend sees in her. Is your friend very wealthy or is he going into debt to buy £16k rings and dresses?

Pollycat

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

i personally wouldn't want to marry someone who looks down at others and thinks they're better than other people.

But you're not marrying her, are you?
Your friend is.

You've expressed your concerns, I think you should step back and hope it works out for your friend but be there for him if it doesn't.

TBagpuss

You haven't given any specific indications as to what makes you think she is a gold-dogger. £36 rings and dresses may be extravagant, depending on the couple's finaces, but they are not particuarly unusual.

It's not uncommon to come across as standoffish or aloof if you are shy or uncertain of yourself, and if this woman is being met with veiled (or open) hostility by her fiance's family and friends then she may well respond in kind.

In a worst case scenario, of things go pear shaped then her assets as well as his will be on the table for division in any divorce.

It would of coruse be open to them to consider a pre-nup, and if it were not for the fact that you have probably alwready antagonised your firned by critisising her fiancee you could have raised this as a possibility, not least pn the basis that it is often a good idae, when parties are already fiancially established, to iscuss finaces to ensure that both are on the same page, and to allow them to discuss issues such as the buisnessa nd their plans for the houses.

However, in this situaon, where you have already accused her of being a gold-digger, I doubt that such a suggestion would be well received, so I would suggest that you back off, and that you try instead to make aneffort to get to know the lady.

JP08

The property thing is an interesting one. Old neighbors of mine were in a similar situation. She'd got a nice, fairly modern 4 bedroom detatched house. He'd a "two-up-two-down-two-bedrooms-at-a-pinch" terraced cottage in need of renovation. Guess which one they live in.

Ok, that was fairly easy. The cottage. But the reason was a bit less obvious, and basically boils down to a male territory thing. Simply, he was uncomfortable with living in her house. Was quite happy for them to live together, just not in her house.

paddy's_mum

We can all offer sensible, intelligent advice until the cows come home but when one thinks about the OP's statement (post number 11) that the fiancee is probably cheating on his friend with (and I quote) "guys", it becomes pretty clear (I believe) that no amount of common sense is going to overcome that degree of malice, dislike, prejudice and, frankly, dishonesty.