worried my friend is preparing to marry a gold digger and he's besotted with her.

pigpen

The friend is clearly a VERY poor judge of character.. his fianc! is not accepted by his family and one of his closest friends is an a$$hole.. (or appears to be from here)

OP.. are you sure you are not just suffering from utter jealously at seeing your friend happy? Or that you don't have the money to do the same things? Or that you don't have a GF and are having withdrawals from your gym-posing buddy (user name implies a certain type.. sorry) now he has found something better to do with his life?

It all sounds like bitter childish jealousy to me... 'my friend got a new friend and so I'm going to cry about it!!!'

If they are together forever or 5 minutes it is absolutely not a single thing to do with you and you stand to be pushed out of any friendship with this friend if you don't change your attitude.. you don't have to like anyone or agree with their choices, if you want to remain friends you have to stand by your friend and respect the fact that a grown man can make his own decisions and they don't always have to include you!


Maybe she just sees you as a bit of a whining pansy and dislikes you and thinks you are needy and jealous and isn't hiding it.. treating you with the contempt you may or may not deserve.. have you considered how she sees your behaviour?? If one of my friends had said these things about my partner I would have told him.. he would then have grounds to dislike my friend.

euronorris

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

it isn't just me that thinks this, even his own mother and her partner thinks she is potentially using him for his money. he is spending a lot of money on her and this marriage and for him to not think logical about this having not been together for too long is disappointing and frustrating.

nothing i can do if he decides she is the one for him, but the red flags seem to be there. her attitude isn't one of wife material either with the way she acts like she's something special and with her nose in the air towards people. i would not be surprised if she's using him for money and seeing another guy/s on the side behind his back.

Honestly, you just sound jealous and petty. Especially with comments such as 'she acts like she's something special and with her nose in the air towards people'.


Leave well alone. It's none of your business. His life, his money, HIS CHOICE!

Hermia

I think it is hard to judge another's relationship because a lot of people, and especially men, are not going to tell their friends why they love their OH. Not many blokes will tell their mates, "I know she seems standoffish to you, but she really makes me feel loved and secure"! So I think they often just give their friends an inaccurate impression of the relationship. Maybe this lady is contributing a lot to the relationship and deserves the gifts, but it is not stuff that will ever be discussed with the blokes down the pub.

jaks111

Well if she is a gold digger, thats her choice, there are plenty of male gold diggers out there, as well.

i know one quite well, he went back to his ex for that reason, he missed the lifestyle she kept him in, she bought him fancy cars, holidays.
so each to there own.
He lives in a small 2 bed apartment, she lives in a property worth £5 million.
People become besotted.

Such as life.:rotfl:

Ps i am sure in this story 1 person will be a lot older than the other.

fitnessguy1

i know for sure that when they first met he was unsure about dating her because the attention she was getting from other guys that he didn't enjoy. i don't know if she has been playing on his insecurities or not and now he's been pushed into marriage because he feels this will keep her from straying. she has her own property.

i do not think she is shy at all and in fact relishes the attention, but i could be wrong. i have met her a couple times, but each time she has been quite condescending towards what another friend did for work, almost as if what she was doing wasn't impressive to her.

i thought more people would be a bit more sympathetic of my concerns because i don't think it's right if she is golddigging. it is a big if, but like i said already the red flags are there and after a couple times meeting her it's the way she comes across which doesn't sit comfortably with me.

it could be months before he finds out for sure what her intentions are. i wouldn't admit any of my true thoughts about her to him. i have been vague about my thoughts to him, but if she proves me wrong then i will happily accept i made a mistake.

fitnessguy1

jaks111 wrote: »

Well if she is a gold digger, thats her choice, there are plenty of male gold diggers out there, as well.

i know one quite well, he went back to his ex for that reason, he missed the lifestyle she kept him in, she bought him fancy cars, holidays.
so each to there own.
He lives in a small 2 bed apartment, she lives in a property worth £5 million.
People become besotted.

Such as life.:rotfl:

Ps i am sure in this story 1 person will be a lot older than the other.

man or woman gold digging is unacceptable. a person should not have to rely on another's money to support themselves financially. if one is going to do that then at least guarantee you will pay back every last penny either indirectly or directly.

Hermia

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

i know for sure that when they first met he was unsure about dating her because the attention she was getting from other guys that he didn't enjoy. i don't know if she has been playing on his insecurities or not and now he's been pushed into marriage because he feels this will keep her from straying. she has her own property.

But that just makes him sound like he is massively insecure which is his problem, not hers. A guy shouldn't go out with an attractive woman and then moan that other men find her attractive. If he nearly didn't date her for that reason he should have gone out with an old frump as she shouldn't have to stop dressing as she likes.

Re: the supposed gold digging. If she is a homeowner she seems to be the one who is in a much more vulnerable position here. Her friends could argue that he is buying her gifts to lure her into marriage because she has a house! I have two home-owning friends well-off who were buttered up by guys who were looking for a solvent woman.

missprice

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

man or woman gold digging is unacceptable. a person should not have to rely on another's money to support themselves financially. if one is going to do that then at least guarantee you will pay back every last penny either indirectly or directly.

Just wow.
Hope you never have a partner then become disabled, get pregnant, have a sick relative that needs one of you to quit a job to look after, etc.

And as the gold digger here has a house already, who is in the worst situation if they were married, then divorced?

maman

I'm still waiting to find out what's 'wife material'. I haven't missed it have I?:(

Pollycat

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

i do not think she is shy at all and in fact relishes the attention, but i could be wrong. i have met her a couple times, but each time she has been quite condescending towards what another friend did for work, almost as if what she was doing wasn't impressive to her.

I'm actually quite surprised that you've only met her a couple of times.
From what you've posted, I thought you knew her well to have formed such a negative impression of her.

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

i thought more people would be a bit more sympathetic of my concerns because i don't think it's right if she is golddigging. it is a big if, but like i said already the red flags are there and after a couple times meeting her it's the way she comes across which doesn't sit comfortably with me.

What do you mean 'it is a big if'?
You've already told your friend he's making a mistake - and you're basing it on 'a big if'?

fitnessguy1 wrote: »

it could be months before he finds out for sure what her intentions are. i wouldn't admit any of my true thoughts about her to him. i have been vague about my thoughts to him, but if she proves me wrong then i will happily accept i made a mistake.

But you've already told him that 'he may be moving a bit too fast' and that you 'didn't believe she was in the relationship for the right reasons'.
Unless he's incredibly stupid, I would think he already knows what your true thoughts are.

If she's not the gold-digger you think she is, you might happily accept your mistake but your friend may not be around to hear your admission.
Listen to the lyrics of 'When a man loves a woman'.